


The Artful Dodger

by Pandoras_hope



Series: The Awakening [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Coming Out, F/F, Falling In Love, Female Characters, Female Protagonist, Female Relationships, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lesbian Character, Love, Mother-Daughter Relationship, POV Female Character, POV Lesbian Character, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-01 14:18:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11488128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandoras_hope/pseuds/Pandoras_hope
Summary: Rory Gilmore can't figure out why she doesn't love her perfect boyfriend Dean.  Then she meets the new girl in town, Jess Mariano, and everything changes.





	1. The Book Thief

**Author's Note:**

> Starts from season 2 episode 5 when Rory first meets Jess. Some dialogue is lifted from the show, everything else is my interpretation.
> 
> Comments and suggestions are much appreciated! Thanks for reading :-)

“Problem, Gilmore?”  Paris snapped when she noticed Rory approaching her after the first Franklin newspaper meeting.  
“Nope, no problem at all.”  Rory grinned sardonically.  “I love this assignment.”  
“I'm glad.”  Paris answered without looking up from her notes.  
“I'm gonna write the greatest piece on pavement you've ever read.”  
“I hope so.”  
“And next week, when you give me the scoop on the new copper plumbing installation, I'm gonna be just as thrilled.”  
“I like a team player.”  
“And no matter how many crappy, stupid, useless assignments you throw at me, I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to back down. So you can go home tonight and think about the fact that no matter what you do and no matter how evil you are, at the end of the year, on my high school transcript, it's going to say that I worked on The Franklin. So, if you'll excuse me, I have some reading to do on the origins of concrete.”

Rory Gilmore turned away from Paris Geller, revelling in the rush that came after winning an argument.  She had tried to make peace this morning, but instead was humiliated when Paris had purposely given her the wrong time for the Franklin meeting.  Still, it had only strengthened her resolve.  She was discovering a new side of herself, the competitive side.  She was going to be the best writer the Chilton paper had ever seen, Paris be damned.  That girl always managed to get under her skin.

“A thousand words on my desk on Tuesday!”  Paris called after her, interrupting her triumphant exit.  She rolled her eyes, unseen behind closed lids, and took a deep breath.  Leave it to Paris to get the last word in.

Rory spent the bus ride back to Stars Hollow working on her article about the parking lot.  The residual adrenaline from telling off Paris turned out to be very effective fuel for her creative process.  She was more than halfway done when the bus came to her stop and she had to gather her things.  

“Oh my God, I hate her.”  Rory complained as she sat down on a stool next to her mom at the counter in Luke's Diner.  
“Ah, me too.”  Lorelai agreed.  
“You have no idea who I'm talking about.”  Rory reminded her.  
“Solidarity sister!”  
“Paris.”  She said in exasperation.  
“Ugh. Well, that I should've guessed.”  
“She thinks she can torture me off the paper and she can't.”  
“No, she can't!”  Lorelai agreed even more emphatically.  
“I have never met anyone like her before. Her insistence on holding onto this stupid grudge that is based on nothing and will never ever end shows an amount of commitment that I would've never thought possible. I'm beginning to admire her.”  
“First day sucked?”  
“Just the paper stuff sucked, the rest of the stuff was good.”  
“Good, I'm glad to hear it.”  Lorelai paused, then tried to sound casual as she asked her next question.  “Did you happen to run into Max?”  
“Actually, no.”  Rory lied.  
“Really?”  Lorelai was not fooled.  
“Yeah, our paths just didn't cross.”  Rory took a very long and evasive sip of her coffee.  
“Isn't he your Lit teacher?”  Lorelai pressed.  
“Yeah, but I do have really tall people sitting in front of me.”  
“Rory.”  
“I saw him in the hallway and I walked the other way and…”  She trailed off in embarrassment.  
“Why?”  
“I don't know. I thought that's what you'd want me to do.”  
“Just because Max isn't a part of my life anymore doesn't mean he can't be a part of yours. He has to be a part of yours. You have to see him and talk to him, and that's okay. That's good. I know everything seems screwed up right now, but I don't want you to avoid him, especially not on my account. Okay?”  Lorelai looked into her daughter’s eyes to make sure she understood.  
“All right.”  
“I am sorry that I put you in this position.”  
“That's okay.”  Rory told her.  “It's going on the list.”  
“My God, that list is getting long.”  
“You have no idea.”

They grinned at each other, then Rory gathered her bag and downed the rest of her coffee.  She hugged her mom goodbye and then headed over to Doose’s Market.  It was Monday, and Dean would be working in the stockroom.  She waved to Taylor as she walked toward the back of the store.  He was in the middle of instructing the cashier in proper bill handling and spared Rory a cursory nod.

A huge smile lit Dean’s face when she entered the stockroom and dropped her bright yellow backpack onto the floor.

“Hey!” He put his long arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.

“Hey,” she responded in kind.  He breathed deeply into her hair and she relaxed against him.  He was always so warm, so safe.  Nothing could touch her here, not even Paris or the awkwardness between her mom and Mr. Medina.  With Dean there was only calm and comfort.  He kissed her deeply.

Rory had gotten used to kissing Dean.  The first time, he had caught her by surprise in this very market.  She had turned and ran from him, appalled by her instant reaction.  She didn’t know what she had been expecting- something akin to a Jane Austin novel probably- but definitely not this.  When he kissed her, rather than dizzying passion she had felt  _ revulsion _ .  She spent that night huddled in her room wondering what was wrong with her.  By the time the sun came up she had decided that books, her precious books, had been lying to her.  Maybe no one ever felt those wild emotions when they kissed and it was all a farce.  She didn’t want to ask her mom in case she was wrong and she was the only one who wasn’t able to feel that way.  So she made up her mind to give it another chance, to keep trying until she felt the way she was supposed to feel.

But she never did.

So she kissed Dean back like always, hoping he would never realize that she felt nothing.  She knew she would never find anyone better than him and she didn’t want to lose him.  Like always, his hands moved slowly from the small of her back and around to her waist.  He lingered there, his thumbs tracing circles lightly over her hipbones, questioning.  And like always, she pulled away smiling apologetically.  

“I need to finish my Franklin assignment.”  She told him by way of explanation, fighting down the guilt she felt for staying with him.   _ Maybe it’s the same for him, _ she rationalized.   _ Maybe he’s just going through the motions too. _  She was too scared to ask him, and deep in her heart she knew that it wasn’t true.

She finished her article with considerably less steam than she had started, but still satisfied that it was her best work yet.  She couldn’t wait to see the look on Paris’ face when she read it tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

Sure enough, the next day went just as Rory had hoped.  She made it a point to show up at the Franklin meeting ridiculously early.  Let Paris just try and trick her again.  She wouldn’t be fooled the next time.  Her piece was praised above all the others, and Paris was sufficiently chagrined.  It was delicious.

But then, just when she was feeling unstoppable, Paris sprung the next assignment on her: an in-depth interview with Mr. Medina, Lorelai’s former fiancee.  No matter how hard she tried, Paris always seemed to get the upper hand.  It was infuriating.  

Rory was in a mood when she got home that afternoon and had completely forgotten about her mom’s dinner plan.  She closed herself up in her room to try and get into a good frame of mind for socializing.  The comforting sounds of Sookie and Jackson working their magic in the kitchen went a long way toward lifting her spirits, so when her mom knocked on her door to ask if she was ready she was almost there.  Good thing too, because just then the doorbell rang and Lorelai hurried to answer. 

“Sookie, Jackson, I want you to meet Luke’s niece.  This is Jess.”  Lorelai’s voice carried from the kitchen into Rory’s room while Sookie and Jackson greeted Jess and Luke.  “Jackson grows fruit and then scares people with it.”  Lorelai was saying.  “Rory, they’re here!”

“Coming!”  She responded, taking a deep breath before turning around.  When she did, the breath she had taken caught in her throat.  Standing in her doorway was a girl, leaning against the doorframe with her hands in the pockets of her baggy jeans.  Her dark wavy hair tumbled down around the shoulders of her gray hoodie and her deep dark eyes were looking right into Rory’s baby blues with unsettling intensity. Her mouth went suddenly dry.  “Hey.”  She managed to croak out.  “I’m Rory.”

“Yeah, I figured.”  Jess answered sardonically, stepping into the room and looking around.  Despite her petite build, her presence seemed to fill the whole room.

“Nice to meet you,” Rory told her, finding her voice again.  Jess either didn’t hear or chose not to respond.  She was reading the spines of the many books lining the shelves of Rory’s room.  

“Well aren’t we hooked on phonics.”  Jess’ sarcasm was thick and accentuated her Brooklyn inflections.  Rory was beginning to feel her earlier bad mood returning.

“I read a lot, don’t you?”  She snapped.

“Not much,” Jess replied, returning to her initial nonchalance.  She picked a book off the shelf at random.  It was  _ Howl _ by Allen Ginsberg.

“I could loan you that if you want, it’s great.”  Rory was determined not to let this girl bring her mood back down.  She knew her mom wanted tonight to go well.  

“No thanks.”  Jess shrugged, putting the book down on top of the desk instead of back on the shelf.  Rory ground her teeth.  

“Well if you change your mind…” she offered.  Before Jess could answer Lorelai poked her head in.

“Okay, we really need to get Jackson away from the lemons now, so we’re moving the feast into the living room.”

“Be right there.”  Rory answered.  When she turned back around Jess was at the window.  She had pushed the curtains aside and was examining the glass.

“These open?”  She asked.

“Um, yeah, you just have to unlatch them and then push.”  This night was getting weirder by the minute.

“Shall we?”  Jess asked her, motioning toward the front yard outside.

“Shall we what?”  Rory narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.

“Bail.” Jess stretched the word into two syllables as if she were speaking to someone with limited intelligence.  

“No,” Rory also made her response two syllables, but only because she started laughing halfway through it.

“Why?”

“Because it’s Tuesday night in Stars Hollow, there’s nowhere to bail to.”  She was fully laughing now.  “The 24-hour mini-mart just closed twenty minutes ago.”

“So we’ll walk around, or sit on a bench and stare at our shoes.” Jess implored her.  Rory looked into her eyes and saw the same terror when faced with the prospect of sitting down with a bunch of strangers that she herself often felt.  She was struck with a wild urge to crawl out her window with this girl and walk aimlessly around the dark streets of Stars Hollow.  She shook her head to clear it.

“Look, Sookie made a ton of really great food and I’m starving and though it may not seem like it right at this moment it’s going to be fun, trust me.”  She didn’t know if she really wanted Jess to stay, but she definitely wanted to get out of her room and return to a feeling of normalcy.

“I don’t even know you,” Jess said.

“But don’t I look trustworthy?”  Rory asked, suddenly realizing that she did in fact want Jess to stay, and wanted her to trust her.

“Maybe,” Jess responded, sounding doubtful.

“Good, let’s eat!”  Rory smiled, hoping it would be convincing.  She bounced out of room, trying to exude optimism.  “You want a soda?”  She called to Jess over her shoulder.

“I’ll get it.”

“Okay,”  Rory headed into the living room and started heaping a plate-full, wondering what had happened in Jess’ past to make her want to run away.  She took a seat, expecting Jess to be right behind her getting some food.  Her heart sank when Jess was nowhere to be seen for the rest of the evening.

 

* * *

 

Wednesday passed in an emotional blur.  Lorelai had had some kind of fight with Luke and refused to go into the diner with her for their morning coffee.  Rory pondered this on her ride in to school.  She couldn’t be sure, but she had a feeling the disagreement had something to do with Jess.  Things were already getting turned upside-down, and Jess had only been in town for a couple of days.  That didn’t bode well.  Her thoughts kept returning to Jess as the day went on, wondering what she was doing and if she would see her again.  Maybe next time Rory could convince her that Stars Hollow wasn’t so bad... 

Then at school, Rory had her interview with Mr. Medina.  She had been putting off dealing with the emotional fall-out of her mom’s break-up with her teacher, and now it all came rushing back.  The life she had envisioned for the three of them had been snatched away, and she found herself mourning something that she had never even had.  It wasn’t fair, but somehow she started to feel better about it after their conversation during the interview.  By the end of the day, she was in good spirits.  She was excelling at the Franklin, she was getting back into her school routine, and everything with her mom would get back to normal soon.  It always did.

She decided to spend some time at her favorite place in Stars Hollow, the bookstore.  Besides, she needed a new folder for her finished interview.  As usual, she ended up getting absorbed and staying until closing.  The streets were dark as she exited the store, the street lamps and twinkle lights giving the town a soft glow.  Rory was looking down at her feet, still thinking about the book she hadn’t been able to finish reading before the bookstore closed, when a newly-familiar voice greeted her.

“Hey,” Jess said, matching her stride with Rory’s.  Rory’s heart had jumped into her throat at the unexpected meeting.  Jess had a wild, unkempt look about her.  Her hair fell in a tangled mess, curls frizzing at the ends, and her eyes sparkled with something that could have been mirth or just as easily anger.

“Hey yourself,” she managed to say.  Her thundering pulse almost blocked out all other sounds.  She was sure Jess could hear it, and she felt her face grow hot.  What was wrong with her?

“What are you doing out here?”  Jess asked.  Rory was immediately reminded of their conversation yesterday and her refusal to walk around Stars Hollow with Jess, and now here they both were.

“I needed something for school.”  She responded.  It was the truth, but she suddenly felt self-conscious and wondered if Jess was thinking she never left her house unless she needed something for school.  “What about you?”  She deflected.

“Oh yeah, same thing.”  Jess’ sarcasm was back, but this time it felt playful.

“Uh-huh.”  Rory said, skeptical.  “That was quite the disappearing act you pulled yesterday.”  She blurted without thinking.

“Pot-lucks and tupperware parties aren’t really my thing.”

Rory nodded.  She had assumed as much.  Why was she so disappointed that Jess had decided to bail after she had asked her to stay?  

“Too cool for school, huh?”  _ Ugh, why am I so lame? _ Rory asked.

“Yes, that is me.”  Jess answered.  She was fiddling with something in her hand.  Nervous habit maybe?

“What are you doing?”  Rory’s curiosity got the better of her.

“Oh this?”  She held up her hand, which held a strange-looking coin that she flipped back and forth between all five of her fingers before it suddenly wasn’t there anymore.  “Nothing.  Just another little disappearing act.”

They had stopped walking and stood facing each other in the street.  Jess was looking at her, waiting for a reaction to her magic trick.  She looked so vulnerable that Rory felt emboldened.

“Little tip,” she started.

“Yeah?” Jess asked, her face falling slightly.

“If you ever want to speak to me again, don’t pull that out of my ear.”

“So I assume the nose is off-limits too.”  Jess’ face was still dead-pan, but Rory could hear the humor in her voice.

“Anyplace you wouldn’t naturally find a coin, let’s put it that way.” Rory quipped, then it suddenly occurred to her that her words might be construed as a double entendre.  Her face was burning again and she was grateful they were far enough away from the street lamps that it might not be noticeable.  

“So what are you doing now?”  Jess asked as they started walking together again.

“I have some homework to finish.”

“Okay.  Then I’ll leave you this last little trick.”  She pulled a copy of  _ Howl _ from her back pocket and started to hand it to Rory.

“You bought a copy?  I told you I’d lend you mine.” Rory exclaimed.  

“It is yours.”  Jess told her.

“You stole my book!” Rory accused.  She stopped walking again.

“Nope, borrowed it.”  Jess countered.

“That’s not called a trick, that’s a felony.”

“I just wanted to put some notes in the margins for you.”

“What?”  Rory took the book from Jess’ hand and opened it.  Even a quick glance revealed that Jess not only understood the nuances of the poetry, but that she had also added her own insights.  “You’ve read this before.”  Rory glared at her, feeling like she had been lied to or misled somehow but at the same time feeling impressed and a little intimidated by Jess.

Jess nodded.  “About forty times.”  She confirmed.

“I thought you said you didn’t read much.”  Rory threw back at her.

“Well….what is much?”  Jess shrugged, and this time the right side of her mouth quirked up in a half smile.  “Goodnight, Rory.”  She inclined her head, then turned and sauntered back the way they’d come.

“‘Night, Dodger.”  Rory responded with full sarcasm this time, trying to mask just how impressed she was.  Jess stopped walking, then turned to look back at Rory.

“Dodger.”  She said, puzzled but still unfazed.  Infuriating.

“Figure it out,”  Rory challenged, not one to be outsmarted.  She turned to walk away, her own smile spreading across her face.

“Oliver Twist!”  Jess called out to her after just a few seconds.  Rory’s smile grew, and she turned around to smile back at her before she headed home feeling strangely buoyant.


	2. The Tell-Tale Heart

Rory stood at the top of a grand staircase trying to catch her breath.  Her pristine white formal gown was restricting her lungs, that had to be it.  Why had she agreed to do this again?  Her grandmother had wanted to present her to society.   _ It means a lot to her, _ Rory reminded herself for the millionth time,  _ and not that much to me so why not? _ She tried to take another breath.   _ Why not?  How about because there are at least a hundred people down there and they’re all going to be looking at me! _

She thought back to the day she had agreed to participate in the debutante ball.  She and her mom had been drinking their coffee at Luke’s as usual.  Luke was cranky because he was super busy and Jess hadn’t shown up for her shift...Jess.  Rory’s heart seized up like it always did every time she thought about Luke’s niece, which had become more and more frequently as of late.  She ignored it now, but that day at Luke’s...Rory was sitting at the counter next to Lorelai having a perfectly nice conversation when Jess stumbled sleepily out of the stairwell.  Rory’s heart did a little lurch at the sight of her messy hair, baggy jeans, and tattered Metallica shirt which quickly became the subject of Luke’s angry ranting.  She hadn’t seen Jess since the stolen book incident, and her sudden appearance was doing strange things to Rory’s cardiovascular system.  She hid her face behind her giant coffee mug and tried to get herself under control.  What was it about Jess that made her so uncomfortable?  This was getting out of hand.  

Later that day she had stopped by her grandparents’ house to pick up a book and had been ambushed by her grandmother’s DAR group.  At the time, it seemed like a perfect way to get herself back on track with Dean, get back to being a normal couple again.  She had felt so disconnected from him lately.  Plus, there was no way she was going to run into Jess while preparing for a formal ball.  She could find ways to avoid going to Luke’s until she figured out what was going on with her.

She and Dean had spent a lot of time together preparing for the ball.  He wasn’t thrilled about it but Rory was starting to feel normal again.  She was even enjoying the dance lessons.  She could almost pretend that Jess had never come to Stars Hollow.  As an added bonus, Rory’s dad was also spending time with them helping them prepare.  It almost felt like they were a family, for the first time.  If her grandparents hadn’t been fighting all the time, everything would’ve been perfect.

“Last chance to shimmy down the drainpipe,” her dad joked.  Christopher must have seen the look of panic on her face as they waited for their names to be called.

“Do me a favor?” She asked him.

“Anything.” He replied earnestly.  It struck her that she had rarely been able to ask her dad a favor and feel like he would actually follow through on it.  It felt good.

“Just don’t let me fall.” She implored him.

“Right back atcha.” He grinned, offering her his elbow.  She placed her arm in his and together they strode forward to face the crowd.

Afterward, giddy with relief that it was over, she strode down main street with her mom, her dad, and Dean, all in their formal wear.

“I was very proud of all of you,”  Lorelai was saying.  “You made it through the entire ceremony with a completely straight face!  Well, almost all of you.”  She threw a sideways glance at Christopher.

“Sorry but that fan dance was more than I could take!”  He shot back, eyes laughing.

They were nearing Luke’s and Lorelai tapped Rory’s shoulder.

“Ooh, I need burger!”

“Me too!”  Rory agreed, completely forgetting about her plan to avoid the diner.  For the first time in weeks her thoughts weren’t wandering back to Jess.  “Dean?”

“Actually, all I can think about is getting out of this tux.”  He replied.

“Hey, watch it, you’re talking to a lady now!”  Lorelai joked.

“Well how about if I do it at home?”  He countered.

“Better.”  She agreed.

“Thanks again for going with me.”  Rory told him.  He really did look great in his tux.  She made a mental note to tell him again later.

“Tomorrow you start paying.”  He said, reminding her of the conditions she’d agreed to when she asked him to be her escort to the ball.  It involved watching hours of his favorite show, but at this moment she found she didn’t mind.  He leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss before heading off.  Rory made plans with her dad for coffee in the morning then headed into the diner.

Lorelai joined her a few minutes later and they rehashed the evening while stuffing their faces with delicious burgers.  They were talking to Luke when without warning Jess bounded down the stairs wearing an exact replica of Luke’s current plaid flannel shirt and jeans combo complete with backwards baseball cap.  She then proceeded to clear the tables with such an accurate imitation of Luke that Rory felt an hysterical giggle escape her lips.  She quickly stuffed more burger in her mouth to mask it.  She must still be running on an adrenaline high after surviving her first debutante ball.

Luke lost it and yelled for Jess to get back upstairs.  She aimed a crooked grin at Rory, and Rory found herself grinning stupidly back.  She felt warm all over, like her veins were laced with fire, as she watched Jess bounce back up the stairs.   _ Must be that adrenaline _ , she told herself yet again.   _ That’s all it is. _

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Rory was walking with her best friend Lane Kim.  They hadn’t been able to hang out as much as usual since Rory had started back at Chilton for the school year.

“So Janie Furtmond is trying to be my friend again,” Lane was saying.

“Yikes,” Rory commiserated.  “What kinda vibe were you giving her?”

“Oh, my patented Keith Richards circa 1969 don’t-mess-with-me vibe, with the thousand-yard Asian stare thrown in.”

“That should do it!” Rory laughed.

But their laughter was cut short when they rounded the corner and saw Doose’s Market roped off by police tape.

“What’s happening up there?”  Rory exclaimed, suddenly worried for Dean who was scheduled to open the store this morning.  They hurried forward to get a closer look.  A crowd had already formed, and Taylor was demanding that the police needed to do something about this.  Inside the police tape was a chalk outline in the shape of a body.

“What am I supposed to do, I’ve got a dead body right in front of my store!”  Taylor’s voice was reaching new octaves as he screeched.  

“No, you have a chalk outline of a body.”  The officer replied in exasperation.  Rory wanted to laugh but held back, unsure what type of situation they were dealing with.  She spotted Dean in the crowd and they pushed their way over to him.  

“What’s going on?”  She asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied.  “I got here and this is what I found.  I told him it looked fake but he didn’t believe me.”

“But you have such an honest face,” Rory cooed.

“Well he must not love me as much as you do.” 

“Okay,” Lane cut in.  “You two are officially sickening.”  She turned abruptly and left.

“Everyone’s accounted for, Taylor,” the officer was saying.  “Looks like this is just an elaborate prank.”

“But it looks so real!”  He cried.  “Where did they get the police tape?”

“Kids have their ways,” the cop answered.

“Who’d be depraved enough to pull a stupid prank like this?”

While Taylor went on complaining, Rory’s gaze was drawn inexplicably across the street toward the town square.  Jess was leaning idly against a lamp post.  There was a book in her hand, but she was staring right back at Rory.  Rory’s eyes narrowed.   _ It couldn’t have been Jess who did this...could it? _  Rory realized she really had no idea what Jess would or wouldn’t do.  Jess caught Rory’s eye and nodded almost imperceptibly, as if confirming what Rory had just been thinking.  Then her lips curved up in a smirk and she strode away, leaving Rory to ponder.

Later that night Rory joined her mom and her boss Mia to walk to Miss Patty’s dance studio for the weekly town meeting.  Luke met them as they passed the diner and walked the rest of the way with them.  Rory wondered idly where Jess was.  She hadn’t really expected her to show up to a town meeting, but she never seemed to know when they would bump into each other.  In spite of their uncharacteristic promptness, the meeting had already started.  Everyone turned to stare at them, and Rory got the feeling that they had walked in on a private conversation.  Luke immediately jumped on the defensive, demanding to know what was going on.

“There was a special issue that the business community needed to deal with, so we decided to start early.”  Taylor explained.

“I’m in the business community and I wasn’t told about it.”  Luke argued.  “Taylor?”  He prompted when no further explanation was offered.

“Alright fine, you weren’t invited Luke!”

“And why is that?”

“You weren’t invited because we are dealing with the Jess situation.”

Rory’s heart did a little flip-flop at the mention of Jess’ name.  Had she been right in her assumption that Jess was behind the chalk outline this morning?

“Jess situation?!”  Luke was almost shaking with barely suppressed anger.

Lorelai grabbed Rory’s elbow and dragged her to a chair.  “If this was the wild west we’d be pushing the horses aside and jumping behind the water troughs right about now!”  She whispered, clearly enjoying the controversy.

“I lost business because of what your hooligan niece did!”  Taylor was saying.

“What business?  If you had to open a little late your customers just came back later.”

“Not so!  In fact, Mrs. Lanahan drove all the way to Woodbury for a head of lettuce.  Business lost!”

At that Luke marched up to the podium and pulled his wallet out of his pocket.  “Alright that’s it, how much is a head of lettuce, a buck?  Hey let’s go crazy, give me five heads!”  He cried, smacking a five-dollar bill down on the podium.

“The charges against your niece are numerous!”  Taylor pressed on.  “She stole the save-the-bridge money-”

“She gave that back.”

“She stole the gnome from Babette’s garden-”

“Pierpont was also returned!”

“She took a garden hose from my yard,” Fran spoke up.

“My son said she set the fire alarms off at school last week!”  Andrew called out from the audience.  

“I hear she controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to ‘Glitter’!”  Lorelai joined in.  Rory elbowed her hard in the ribs.  She had had no idea that Jess had been causing so much trouble in the short time she’d been in Stars Hollow.

Bootsy stood up next.  “I never liked the look of that kid since the moment I saw her.”

“Unbelieveable!”  Luke cried.

“People please!”  Taylor was desperately trying to get the meeting back in hand. “The bottom line here is that there is a consensus among townspeople who are in agreement that Stars Hollow was a better place before Jess got here.”

“So this half of the room gets the tar, and the other half gets the feathers?”  Luke stormed back down toward the exit.

“Now now, there hasn’t been any talk of tar and feathers, although…”  Taylor mused.

Luke stopped in front of the doors and turned back around to face the town.  “Look I’ve lived here longer than most everybody here.  I’ve never bothered anyone, I’ve kept to myself, and I’ve done the best I could.  I pay my taxes and I help people when I can.  I haven’t pitched in on the decorate-the-town pageantry stuff because frankly it all seems insane to me, but I don’t get in the way of that stuff either!”

“What’s your point Luke?”  Taylor asked.

“His point is,”  Lorelai piped up, then retroactively asked Luke if he minded.

“Be my guest,” he motioned for her to stand up with him.

“His point is that if there’s a problem-”

“And I’m not saying that there is.”  Luke cut in.

“-right but if there is give him time to deal with it before you storm his diner with torches and pitchforks!”

“Right!”  Luke agreed.

“Lay off him because what you’re all doing stinks!”  She finished.

“I’m done here,” Luke continued, apparently not finished.  “I’m done with all of you!  Oh, and I was gonna stay open later in case anyone wanted to eat after the meeting.  Forget that!”

And with that he left.

Rory left by herself a few minutes later after telling her mom she was going to check on Dean.  What she really needed was a moment to think.  Everything was so topsy-turvy.  How could one person upset the balance of her life so completely?  Rory’s life had always been predictable.  She had her mom and Lane and Dean, and Luke had been a presence in her life for as long as she could remember.  She hated to see him get attacked like that.  But was Jess really responsible for everything they all said she’d done?  Maybe it would be better for everyone if Jess did go back home.  Then everything would make sense again. 

 

* * *

 

The next day, Rory and Dean returned to the scene of the crime so Dean could collect his paycheck.  She stood on the street corner waiting for him.  The chalk outline was now a slightly lighter shade of white, but not a scrap of police tape was left behind.

“Should you be standing here all alone?”  Came a voice from behind her.  “I hear this is a pretty dangerous corner.”

Rory knew who it was without looking.  She had come to expect the pounding of her heart every time Jess was near, and this day was no exception.  She turned halfway toward Jess, crossing her arms and setting her jaw.  Her confusion after last night’s meeting had congealed into anger at Jess for causing all these problems.  “I’m fine.”  She muttered, not meeting Jess’ eyes.

“Feeling succinct today?”  Jess asked her.

“Pretty much.”

“Hmm.”  Jess frowned.  “Did I do something to offend?”

“Me?”  Rory now glared at her.

“Yeah.”

“No.” 

“Good.”

“You might want to ask that same question to Luke though.”

“Meaning?”

“You’ve got this whole town down on him!”

“Really…”  Jess rocked back on her heels.  “How’d I do that?”

“You know how you did that.”

“See I’m not too familiar with the Blue Book rules of this town, so you could be talkin about a lot of things.  Droppin a gum wrapper, strolling arm and arm with a member of the opposite sex on a Sunday...”  Her eyes widened in mock shock.

Rory didn’t answer, she merely gestured to the image at her feet.

“What about it?”

“You did it!  The whole town knows you did it, they had a meeting about it.”

“You actually went to that bizarro town meeting?  Those things are so... _ To Kill a Mockingbird _ .”

“Yes, I went, and Luke went, and when he got there everyone ganged up on him, they all want you gone.”

“Wow, bummer.”  Jess answered dryly.

“And he’s standing there yelling at everyone and defending you and paying Taylor back for his lettuce losses-”

“His what?”

“-and now Luke’s a pariah and it’s all because of you!”

Jess shook her head, eyes downcast.

“What a shock, you don’t care about any of this.”  Rory scoffed.

“I didn’t say that.”  Jess met Rory’s eyes, and that vulnerable quality from the first night they met was back again.

“Go away, I’m tired of talking to you.”  Rory turned away from her, unable to continue her rant under that soft gaze.  

“Fine.”  Jess muttered, turning to go.  With the eye contact broken, Rory felt her conviction return.

“You care nothing about Luke and his feelings!”  She shouted.

Jess turned back.  “Got a second wind, huh?”

“All he does is stick up for you and all you do is make his life harder.  I guess that’s what you have to do when you’re trying to be Allison Reynolds but I think it stinks.  Luke has done a lot for my mom and a lot for me and I don’t like to see him attacked.”  Rory was fully glaring at her now.  “Okay, second wind over.”

“I didn’t know they were coming down so hard on him.”  Jess admitted.  

“Funny, I never pegged you as clueless.  My mistake.”

“Okay, I get it.”  Rory raised an eyebrow at this.  “No, no, I do, I get it.”  Jess insisted.  They both looked at the ground for a moment, unsure how to continue.

“So did you at least think it was funny?”  Jess finally asked her.

Rory tried but could not prevent her lips from twitching at the memory of Taylor flipping his lid over the chalk on his sidewalk.  “That is so not the point!”  She cried.

“Ahh, you thought it was funny!”

Before Rory could deny it, however unbelievable that would be, Dean returned with his check in hand.  “I got it,”  he told Rory, then noticed Jess standing there.  “Oh, uh, hi.”  He said, giving her a once-over.

“Um, Dean, I don’t think you two have met.  This is Jess, this is Dean.”  Rory introduced them.

“Boyfriend?”  Jess asked.

“Of course.”  Rory confirmed, wondering why it felt like a lie to say it.

“Sorry, you didn’t say.”  Jess drawled.  She then turned her eyes to Dean for the first time.  “How’s it goin?”  She asked, her voice sounding slightly louder than necessary.

“Good.”  Dean answered.  “Good.”

“Okay, well, see ya around.”  Rory told Jess, feeling incredibly awkward all of a sudden.

“Seems to turn out that way doesn’t it?”  Jess smirked at Rory one last time before walking away.

Rory didn’t like the way they had left things.  This argument hadn’t energized her the way debating with Paris always did.  Maybe because Paris seemed unshakeable while Jess kept letting glimpses of her emotions break through the gruff exterior.  Still, it was easier to be angry at Jess for disrupting everyone’s lives.  It gave Rory a place to put her own emotions, which lately seemed to be spiraling out of control.  She was starting to really hope that Jess would have to leave Stars Hollow, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind her heart felt heavy as lead.


	3. A Tale of Two Romeos

Rory sat in her Shakespeare class writing down her assignment while the teacher was handing out sections of  _ Romeo and Juliet _ .  They were going to have to perform their assigned act in front of the rest of the class.  Great.  Rory swallowed her dread and looked to see which section she had been assigned.  Act 5.  Just like Paris, Madeline, and Louise.  Of course.

“Why don’t they just sew our sides together and call us ‘Chang and Eng’?”  Paris quipped.  Rory agreed.  It seemed like they were always thrown together on class assignments.  Paris immediately took control as expected, shooting down all of Rory’s ideas before she had even finishing talking.  They all agreed that Tristan would play Romeo, and then Paris roped Rory into playing Juliet.

“No!”  she protested.

“Too late.”  Paris returned.

“It can’t be too late, we haven’t done anything yet!”

“You’re Juliet!”  Paris insisted.  “You’re the best public speaker here, you’ve definitely got that waif thing down, and you’ll look great dead.  Next order of business.”

Rory sat back in her chair.  She knew when to admit defeat, and she secretly beamed a little when Paris called her the best public speaker.  She supposed she could handle one short death scene.

They spent the week rehearsing every night.  Rory appreciated the distraction from her conflict with Jess.  So far she hadn’t been run out of town, so there was always a chance that they would run into each other.  Staying after school for the project meant no chance of surprise encounters.

During rehearsal, Tristan would bring them all the way up to his final line where he was supposed to kiss a sleeping Juliet and then die.  But every time, he stopped right before kissing her.  Was he as nervous as she was?  Rory had never kissed anyone besides Dean, and now she was beginning to wonder.  Would kissing be different with Tristan?  Was it just that she wasn’t in love with Dean, and that was why kissing had never sparked that feeling in her?

She appraised Tristan with renewed interest.  He was almost as tall as Dean, but instead of thick brown hair his was blonde and styled up in spikes.  His eyes were also very different, light hazel instead of soulful brown and often narrowed with mischief.  But he was arguably one of the most attractive guys at Chilton.  All the girls swooned over him and he had been out with at least half of them, Paris included.  The last night of rehearsal Rory decided to give it a shot.

“Tristan,” she pulled him aside before they started.  “I think we need to practice the whole scene, you know, before we have to go onstage tomorrow.”  She fervently hoped he got her meaning and she wouldn’t have to spell it out for him.  

“Sure, okay.”  He shrugged.  He really didn’t seem phased by the prospect.  Maybe it was a good idea to practice with someone who had a lot of experience. She just had to try.

They worked through the scene, and finally came to the end.  Rory’s nerves were shot, but she strengthened her resolve.  When he said his line and then once again hovered just above her without making contact, she lifted her head until her lips met his.  His eyes flew open in surprise, but he bent closer to kiss her fully.  His lips were soft and gentle and moved with hers for a moment before he pulled away.

Rory was thunderstruck.  When she kissed Tristan she felt the same wave of what she could only describe as revulsion.  She wanted to shove him off of her but instead scrambled out from under him, tears filling her eyes.

“What’s wrong, did I bite your lip or something?”  Tristan was bewildered.

“No I just, I have to go.”  Rory sobbed as she ran out of the room.  

“Where are you going?”  Paris called after her.  “We’re not finished!”  Her voice faded as Rory turned the corner, heading toward the front of the school.  “Hey I’m the director here Rory!”

She ran outside, not stopping until she reached the bus stop.  She held onto a bench for support, clutching her side and trying to slow her breathing.  The earth seemed to be spinning around her so she closed her eyes and sank onto the bench, shaking.  There was no doubt in her mind now, something was definitely wrong with her.  She had seen plenty of people kissing in the halls at Chilton, many of them with Tristan, and no one ever looked like they were hating it the way she did.  So what was so different about her?

 

* * *

Finally Friday, the day of the big performance, arrived.  As soon as she was dressed in her costume she wandered toward the stage to await their cue.  She hadn’t seen Tristan or Paris yet and stood wringing her hands nervously.  She was mortified to face Tristan again, and she knew Paris must still be furious.  

Then suddenly Paris was there at her shoulder.

“I need you,” she said urgently, grabbing her elbow and pulling her into the hallway.  “He’s not here!”  She screeched.

“Who’s not here?”  Rory asked.

“Tristan!  I’ve looked everywhere, I’ve called his home, I tried his cell, I called three girls I know he’s been seeing-”

“Paris calm down,” Rory tried to sound reassuring but her insides were twisting.  She had a feeling this was all because of what happened yesterday.

“Weren’t you listening?  He’s. Not. Here.  We’re on in twenty minutes and we don’t have a Romeo.  We are going to fail.”

“We’re not going to fail,” Rory’s voice was shaking.

“Do you think Harvard accepts people who fail Shakespeare?  They don’t.  I don’t have the numbers on it or anything but I feel pretty secure in saying if you fail Shakespeare you don’t get into Harvard.”

Madeline and Louise joined them then, both dressed and ready to go on.  Rory filled them in.

“What about Brad?”  Louise asked, referring to the student from the other Shakespeare class who had offered to help out.

“He transferred schools,” Madeline told her, shaking her head.

Paris was staring at all of them, then suddenly turned on her heel and stomped away without a word.

“Where is she going?”  Rory asked, “Paris!”

Just then the stage manager called them to take their places.  Rory was in full panic mode now.

“What do we do?”  Madeline squeaked.

“Take our places I guess,” Rory stalled for as long as she could, fiddling with her costume, but she could see the manager getting impatient.

Just then Paris returned, her long blonde tresses tucked up under a page-boy wig and wearing Romeo’s costume.  

“What are you standing there for?  Let’s go!”  She demanded.  “And you’d better start sucking on an Altoid.”

Paris performed Romeo’s part flawlessly.  It was truly a testament to her intelligence that she could perform Shakespeare at the drop of a hat.  Rory was feeling relieved as she lay there on stage, pretending to be Juliet pretending to be dead.  She heard Paris begin her last line, heard her walk up to the platform and stand next to Rory where she lay.

“And thus, with a kiss, I die.”  She croaked very convincingly.  Rory expected her to hover over her and then fall dead the way Tristan had during all of their rehearsals, so she almost broke character in her shock when she felt two firm lips upon hers.  

Everything seemed to happen at once.  The crowd started applauding as the curtains drew closed; Paris, Madeline, and Louise were laughing and congratulating themselves; and Rory lay frozen in shock as waves of heat washed over her.  She felt the tingling where Paris’ lips had touched hers, and it spread throughout her body like wildfire.  This was it.  This was the feeling she had been waiting months to feel with Dean, the feeling she had read about in so many novels.  

And she had felt it with Paris.


	4. Everything Is Illuminated

Thankfully, the weekend of the play was the beginning of their winter break from school, so Rory wouldn’t have to face Paris for two whole weeks.  At least not in person.  Paris had called Saturday night to give Rory two assignments for the Franklin.  It seemed there could be no rest for the confused and anxious.  All she wanted to do was think about what had happened during the play and try to sort out her feelings, figure out what it all meant.  She wondered if Paris had felt anything when she kissed her.

On Sunday morning she and her mom were working diligently on building their snow-woman for the winter festival.  She was almost finished, just needing the final touches.  

“How do you like that mouth?”  Lorelai asked after creating a sideways scowl out of yarn.

“Um, it’s not very mouth-like.”  Rory told her.  

“Well I think it works.”

“It’s tilted to the side.”

“Yeah I know, that was intentional.  It gives her a unique expression.”

“Like she had a stroke?”

“Fine.  I’ll just use the Mrs. Potato Head lips.”

“No, forget it, leave stroke-mouth.  It’s not like we’re gonna win this anyway.”  Rory gestured toward the snowman next to theirs, which was a completely realistic carving of an old man.  Lorelai followed her gaze.  The man carving the snowman waved at her and she waved back, gritting her teeth behind a smile.

“I hate that man with every fiber of my being.”  She muttered to Rory.  She pulled a black wig with blunt bangs out of her bag and placed it on the snow-woman’s head.    “So, what are we going to do on your school break?”

“A lot of nothing.”

“Sounds good.”

“Plus some homework.”

“And a lot of movies.”

“Oh!  We have to rent Godfather 3 on DVD,” Rory exclaimed.

Lorelai curled her lip in distaste.  “You’re kidding.”

“In the commentary, Coppola actually defends casting Sofia.”

“Now that is fatherly love,” Lorelai quipped.  “What’s all this homework you have to do?”

“Just stuff for the paper.”

“What?  Why?”

“Because Paris wants the first issue back to be a double issue, so we have to prep over break.  She says the news never sleeps.”  Rory felt her hands tremble a bit as she talked about Paris.  She hoped her face wasn’t turning red, though it probably was.  She would just blame it on the cold air.  She wondered what her mom would say if she told her about the kiss.  She shook her head.  She didn’t even know what it meant herself yet. 

“What about Paris?”  Lorelai asked, and Rory’s breath hitched thinking her mom had somehow read her mind.  “Does she ever sleep?”

Rory exhaled, relieved.  She didn’t think Lorelai suspected anything was different between Rory and Paris.  Why would she?

“I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then shuts down.”  Rory joked to cover her discomfiture.

“Well, you can’t work the whole time.”

“I won’t I promise.  Oh my god, he’s power buffing!”  Rory once again gestured toward the snowman next to them.

“Oh, now that is just wrong.”

“We’re competing against the Michelangelo of snow!”  Rory complained.

“And we’re ‘Ernest builds a snowman’.”  Lorelai agreed.

“We shouldn’t look at him anymore.”

“Heads down.”

“Stay focused.”

“We can do this.”

“Absolutely.”

And then the snow-woman’s head fell off.

Rory and Lorelai stared at it for a long moment.

“Let’s get some coffee?”  Rory asked finally.

“Right behind ya.”

 

Lorelai spent most of that first week at work at the Independence Inn preparing for a large group coming in for an event.  Rory was able to finish writing her two articles for the Franklin and submitted them to Paris over email.   _ There _ , she thought.   _ Now I won’t have to think about Paris for the rest of break.   _ She had thought of little else all week, and was no closer to sorting out her feelings than she was the day it happened.  She couldn’t be in love with Paris, could she?  Paris was so...contentious.  Sure they had a lot in common but they had clashed over school issues so often that now they barely tolerated each other.  That couldn’t be it.  

Thursday night, Rory met Sookie and her mom at Luke’s for dinner.  When she got there they were both lamenting the fact that the event they had been planning all week had just been cancelled.  

“I can’t believe they got snowed in!”  Rory commiserated as she took a seat.

“All that work,”  Lorelai was shaking her head.  “All that extra help we hired.  Well, at least they paid for it already so we didn’t lose any money.”

“Yeah, I guess.”  Sookie agreed dejectedly.  She had really been looking forward to preparing a time-period-accurate feast.  “You know, I could still make up the dinner for the three of us.”  She suggested.

“Yeah but then it would be just the three of us alone in the dining room.”  Rory scrunched up her nose.

“Oh it would be like ‘The Shining’ but instead of Jack Nicholson we have Rune!”  Lorelai said, and they all laughed at the prospect of sharing an empty inn with the contemptible handyman. 

“You girls want anything besides coffee?”  Luke stopped by their table to ask.

“Hey, what about Luke?”  Sookie asked Lorelai.

“What about him?”  Luke asked Sookie.

“He eats, and Jess eats.”  Sookie said.  Rory’s heart stuttered.  Where was she going with this?  “Doesn’t Jess eat?”  Sookie asked Luke.

“What is she doing?”  Luke asked Lorelai.

“I think she’s inviting you to dinner.”  Lorelai told him.  Rory definitely did not like where this conversation was going.

“Yeah!  Come on, it’ll be fun!  You like peacock pie?”  

“I’m a hundred percent sure I don’t.”  Luke told her.

“There’ll be normal food too.”  Lorelai said.  “And decorations.”

“And music!” Sookie was practically dancing with excitement.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”  Lorelai echoed.

“Well-”

“Hey, you know what?”  Lorelai interrupted Luke.  “Let’s invite everyone!

“Everyone who?”  Sookie asked.

“Everyone we know,”  Lorelai answered, then clarified.  “Everyone we like.  And they can stay at the inn, all those empty rooms...  It will be like an over-the-top out-of-control slumber party!”

Rory was almost hyperventilating at the thought of Jess staying at the inn with them.  But the way her mom was bouncing up and down in her chair she knew there would be no talking her out of this one.  

“I love it!”  Sookie cried.  It was a done deal.

“Spread the word,”  Lorelai told Luke.

“Hey I haven’t said I’d come yet, so I’m certainly not gonna suddenly become your messenger boy.”  He retorted.

Lorelai leveled a look at him.

“Eight o’clock?”  He asked sheepishly.

“Seven!”  She countered.

“Right.”  He agreed quickly, then turned and walked back to the counter.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Lorelai sat on their couch working on the reservations for the weekend.

“Did Bootsy RSVP?”  She asked.

“He’s coming,”  Rory answered.  She’d been helping her mom, trying to get as many people to join them this weekend as possible in hopes that would lessen the chance of her having to see Jess.

“Thanks, is he bringing anybody?”

“He’s coming solo.”

“Okay, I’m gonna put him in room sixteen with Luke.”  a devilish grin spread over Lorelai’s face at the prospect of forcing the two childhood rivals together.

“You can’t do that!”  Rory told her.

“Come on, let me have my fun!”  Lorelai begged.  “Now, where will we put Jess?”  Rory knocked the glass she was holding into the table next to her chair, spilling water everywhere.  “I know,”  Lorelai continued, still grinning.  “I’ll put her in with Taylor!”  She crowed. "You're evil!" Rory admonished her. She still wondered what had happened between her mom and Jess the night of the dinner at their house. Lorelai went back to her reservation sheet.  “Hey, question about the room list,” she asked when she had finished her notations. 

“Yeah?”  Rory asked absently, trying to soak up the spilled water with paper towels.  

“Room 31, why is it empty?”

“Oh yeah,” she stood up and threw the wet towels away.  “I wanted to run an idea by you.”

“Run it.”

“I thought maybe a certain depressed man and his wife could stay there.”  Rory grinned at her mom.

“Woody and Soon-Yi?” Lorelai deflected.

“Grandma and grandpa.”  Rory’s grandparents had been fighting since the debutante ball, and Rory was trying to think of ways to help them reconcile.  

“Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding.”  Lorelai groaned.

“But this could help to cheer him up!”  Rory insisted.  She needed as many buffers this weekend as possible.  

“I’ll send him a Def Jam Comedy tape, that’ll cheer him up!”

“It’s a really good thing to do.”

“We’ll donate money to charity, that’s a good thing too.  We’ll stop kicking dogs.”

“Mom.”

“Alright I’ll pencil them in but they’ll probably say no.”

“Yeah, but we’re not gonna hope that they say no, right?”

“Right…”

“Right.  Because that would be really bad karma.”  Rory got up from her chair.

“I have a New Year’s Resolution for you,”  Lorelai told her.  “Become more cynical and self-involved.”

“I’ll work on it.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday morning, Lorelai and Rory spent time together getting ready for the big dinner.  They binged on pop-tarts and painted their nails, laughing and chatting.  Rory came so close to telling her about the kiss, but chickened out at the last second.  She didn’t know why the words just wouldn’t come out.  She had always been able to tell Lorelai everything that was going on in her life.  This secret was starting to feel like a huge canyon opening up beneath her feet, separating her from everyone who mattered to her.

She was feeling jittery while she stood at the inn’s front desk checking people in.  Her eyes flicked over to the doors every few seconds, dreading the arrival of Luke and Jess.  Luckily, Lane was the first one in.  She had been trying to convince her mom to let her come by herself, constantly striving for one modicum of independence.

“Hey!”  Lane greeted her.  Rory hadn’t told her about this kiss yet either.  Withholding big information like this from her best friend felt like a betrayal somehow, but at the same time it was a relief to be able to talk and hang out as if nothing in her life had changed.

“Are you alone?”  Rory asked her.

Before Lane could answer, her mom came in the door behind her.

“My wedding night’s going to be very interesting,” Lane muttered under her breath.  

_ Mine probably will be too _ .  The thought came unbidden into Rory’s mind and she shook her head, still not ready to deal with the implications Paris’ kiss had brought to light.

“Hi Mrs. Kim,” she said, putting on her best smile.  “I’m glad you guys could come.  You’re in room twelve.”

“Thank you,” Mrs. Kim took the proffered room key as Rory’s mom joined them.  “Hello Lorelai, thank you for inviting us.” she said.

“Our pleasure,”  Lorelai answered.  “Do you need help bringing in the rest of your stuff?”  She asked, noticing they carried no luggage.

“This is my stuff.”  Mrs. Kim held up her purse.  “Don’t need anymore stuff.  People have too much stuff.”  She added vehemently.

“You know you’re right,”  Lorelai agreed.  “People have too much stuff.  Absolutely.”  It was impossible to disagree with Mrs. Kim when she was looking at them the way she was.  She nodded, then she and Lane marched off to find their room.  

“Says the woman with sixty-four pairs of shoes,” Rory challenged as soon as the Kims were out of earshot, turning to face her mom.

“Thus proving my point,”  Lorelai intoned.  “What is Paris doing here?”

“What?!”  Rory spun around and sure enough, Paris was entering the inn with her arms full of books.  Rory’s breath grew short.  This was the last thing she expected tonight.  “Apparently she had to bring me more newspaper stuff tonight.”  Rory told her mom, hoping that was the only reason for the impromptu visit.

“Hi,”  Lorelai greeted Paris before heading off to greet the next set of guests.

“So here are the materials for the double issue,”  Paris started without preamble.  “Some of the articles are going to need complete re-writes.”  She heaped a stack of folders onto the counter.  Rory suddenly understood Paris’ feelings of urgency.  There was a mountain of work here.  “Madeline’s five hundred words on test anxiety spends four hundred of them arguing that stretch corduroy is the best material for low-rise jeans.”

Rory’s brain immediately clicked into problem-solving mode.  “Well let’s see.  Corduroy is a fabric, and the fabric of society is weakened when students…” She trailed off.

Paris was shaking her head.  “You can’t get there.”

“Yeah, doesn’t look like it.”  Rory agreed.  “I’ll get right on this tomorrow.”

“What about tonight?”

“I’m working.”

“Oh.”  Paris looked crestfallen.  “Doing what?”

“It’s kind of a big dinner party.”

“Oh, okay.  Well I’ll get out of your way.  Call if you need to talk things through.”  She actually sounded like she was hoping Rory would have to call.  As she turned to leave, Rory suddenly had an idea.  Maybe spending some time with Paris would help her figure things out.

“Hey Paris,” she called after her.  “Do you have anything going on tonight?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  Her usual snark was back.

“It’s supposed to mean do you have anything going on tonight?”

“Well, my parents are out of town so my nanny will make dinner and then I’ll either get back to reading the Iliad or we’ll play Monopoly.  I crush her every time.”

“Well I was just thinking maybe you want to stay for dinner?”

“Here?”

“Yeah.  We have a ton of food, and it’s like a whole big show and everything.  If you’re not doing anything.”

“Re-reading the Iliad for the third time is not not doing anything.”  Paris said defensively.  “I’m not pathetic.”

“I know you’re not.”  Rory was suddenly seeing all of the insecurity under Paris’ bullying.  “I just...thought it might be fun, that’s all.”  Rory looked down at her hands.

“Well,” Paris seemed unsure.  “I’ll have to make a call.”

Rory brightened.  “Yes, make it.”

“I just have to let nanny know.”  Paris turned away, speaking into her cellphone in Portuguese.   _ This is good _ .  Rory thought.  She was feeling pretty comfortable around Paris, which surprised her.  She hadn’t felt this sort of kinship for her rival since they’d gone to the Bangels concert Sophomore year.        

As she watched Paris walk away, she saw Dean enter through the front doors with his little sister Clara.  Rory stepped forward to greet them and Dean bent to kiss her.  When he pulled away, Rory’s eyes widened as she saw Luke and Jess come in behind him.  Dean turned to see what she was looking at.

“Ugh, I didn’t know she was going to be here.”  He grumbled.  Rory frowned.  She knew she didn’t want Jess to be here, but what was Dean’s problem?

“Yeah, is that a problem?”  She asked him.  

“Not really,”  Dean answered.

“Dean,” she prompted.

“It’s just that, she’s been getting into fights at school.  When I tried to step in and help her out she started in on me.”

“She yelled at you?”  Rory was shocked.

“Yeah.”  Dean confirmed.

“Why would she do that?”

“Don’t ask me to explain that jerk.”  

It must have been really bad, Dean rarely spoke badly about anyone.  Jess noticed Dean looking at her and wiggled her fingers at him mockingly, a sardonic smile plastered to her face.  Rory ducked her head, taking deep breaths and trying to calm her pounding heart.  

“She better not do that all night.”  Dean grumbled.  Rory wondered where all their animosity was coming from.  Luckily her grandparents arrived then so she had an excuse to keep busy.  Plus her grandpa seemed uncharacteristically happy.  Maybe Rory’s plan was actually working.  She had forgotten all about Jess while chatting with her family, but when they too left to find their room she ended up standing there by herself.

When she turned around Jess was there, looking at one of the original paintings hanging in the lobby.  She wore an army-green button down shirt that was more fitted than anything Rory had seen her wear before.  As if sensing her thoughts, Jess turned and looked at her.  Her expression was clearly inviting Rory over for conversation. She suddenly felt warm all over and turned hastily away before Jess could see the blush rising in her cheeks.  

Rory sought out her mom to see what she needed help with.  The only way for her to manage this tumult of emotions was to keep busy.  As it turned out, Lorelai had used the extra money paid by the cancelled event to charter horse-drawn sleighs for everyone to ride in.  Rory was afraid of horses and not looking forward to the ride.  Of course Lorelai would have none of it, insisting that Rory had to help her set an example.  She found Dean, hoping he would ride with her and that his presence would assuage her fears.  Unfortunately, he was still with his little sister.

“We’re gonna miss all the good horses!”  Clara whined, pulling on Dean’s arm.

“Who is this brazen woman competing for your attention?”  Rory teased her.  She paid no attention.

“Come on!”  She begged.

“I guess I’m spoken for,”  Dean apologized.

“I’ll meet you back here.”  Rory told him.  Her mom had already settled into a sleigh with Luke, so that option was out.  Maybe she could skip it after all.  Then she saw Paris sitting in the lobby working on that huge pile of papers.  She started toward her, thinking now might be a good time to see how spending time with Paris would feel.  But as she made her way across the lobby she saw Jess out of the corner of her eye, sitting there looking bored.  She didn’t want to risk getting roped into an argument, so she got in line for a sleigh before Jess could catch her eye.  She was near the back and ended up riding by herself.  She sat clutching her elbows and hoping the horse wouldn’t do something crazy.  She was so on edge she almost fell off her seat when someone hopped into the moving sleigh from the other side.  It was Jess.

“What are you doing?!”  She cried, not sure her nerves could take any more surprises.  

“Well I heard it was two to a sleigh, no more no less.  You were breaking the rules.”  She smirked.

“You could’ve hurt yourself.”  Rory told her angrily, willing her heart to steady.

“I live on the edge.”  Jess answered.  “I could jump out if you want.”  Rory considered this briefly, but the sight of the next horse’s huge feet stomping behind them chased the thought away.

“Doesn’t matter to me,” she snapped anyway, irritated.

“Are you still mad at me?”  Jess asked earnestly.

“What do you think?”

“I can’t read your mind.”

“You yelled at Dean.”  Rory reminded her.

“Dean?”  Jess feigned ignorance.

“My boyfriend!”  

“He still your boyfriend?”  Jess’ dark eyes bored into hers.

“Okay you can jump out now.”  Rory huffed, sitting back against the seat.

“He got in the middle of something that was none of his business.”

“He was trying to help you.”

“He should go into government service if he’s so interested in helping people.”  She retorted.  “But me he can stop worrying about.”

“Why were you fighting in the first place?”  Rory thought maybe Jess was purposely trying not to fit in here.

“Cuz Ann Presby’s a jerk.”

“You were fighting with Ann Presby?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.  She is a jerk.”

“This whole town is weird and full of jerks.” 

Jess’ last statement pretty much confirmed what Rory had been thinking.

“Then why are you still here?”  Rory challenged.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, school’s out and if you really don’t like it here then why don’t you just go home?”

Jess was quiet for a minute.  Rory didn’t think she was ever going to answer when finally she spoke again.

“My mom didn’t want me.”  She said quietly.  And there it was, that vulnerability that always seemed to melt Rory’s anger into an insubstantial puddle.

“I don’t believe that.”  She said.  It was hard for Rory to envision any mom not wanting to be with their kid, considering how close she and her mom were.

“That’s your right I guess.”  Jess told her.

“Did Luke say she didn’t want you?”

“Luke told me it was his idea that I should stay.”  Jess scoffed.  “It wasn’t his idea.”

The two girls lapsed into silence as the horse and sleigh turned onto main street and drove past the group of snowmen awaiting the festival competition.  

Jess pointed out Rory and Lorelai’s snow-woman.  They had replaced her head and wig and had draped a scarf around her shoulders.  “It’s good.”  She said.

“What?”  Rory asked.

“Your snowman.  Snow-woman, actually.”

“You know which one is ours?”  Rory was surprised.

“Definitely has the most personality.  Kinda looks like Bjork.”

“That’s what we were going for!”  Rory exclaimed, elated.  Then they passed the next one, which looked like he had walked right out of a Dickens’ novel.  “But everyone thinks that one is going to win.”

“Really?”  Jess shook her head.  “It’s so overdone.”

“I agree,” Rory beamed.

“You should win.”  Jess looked into her eyes again, smiling this time.

“No argument.”  Rory grinned back at her.

They were silent again, but this time it was a companionable silence.  After a moment Jess spoke.

“So what do you and Dean talk about?”  She asked.

“What?”  Rory was taken aback.

“I mean, does he know Bjork?”

“I’ve played him some stuff.”  Rory was feeling uncomfortable with this turn of the conversation.

Jess nodded.  “So you’ve got a teacher-student thing going.” 

Rory was getting angry again.  Why did she always have to be so rude?

“Stop,” she told her.

“No, really.  I’m curious.  What do you guys talk about?”  Rory was unable to look away from Jess’ dark eyes and found herself answering the question.

“Everything!”  She was getting defensive.

“Like…?”  Jess prompted, still digging.

“Just..everything.”  Rory floundered, trying to think of one thing she and Dean had in common.  “Tons of stuff.  Whatever.”

“It’s just, in the brief non-pugilistic time I’ve spent with him in class he really doesn’t seem like your kinda guy.”  She had a knowing smile on her face that made Rory want to run away.  How could this stranger have picked up on exactly what Rory had been struggling with for months?

“Well he is my kind of guy, he’s exactly my kind of guy.”  She insisted.

“Okay.”  Jess backed off.  “Guess I don’t know him that well.”

“You don’t.”

Jess looked at her sideways, disbelieving.

“You don’t!”

Jess didn’t say anything, but Rory could see her mouth twitching as she fought back a smile.  This infuriated Rory further and any pity she had felt for Jess moments ago had dissipated. 

Rory spent dinner avoiding Jess.  She sat between her mom and Dean at the head of the long feast table and talked with her grandparents sitting across from her.  She could hear Paris pointing out all of the historical inaccuracies throughout the meal, and couldn’t help but laugh at the servers’ discomfort.  But the festivities were cut short when her grandfather suddenly announced that he had resigned from his insurance firm.

Rory spent the night talking with her mom and grandmother about what had happened.  By the time she laid down to sleep, the conversation with Jess came rushing back to her and she lay awake for most of the night worrying.  She didn’t think anyone would ever question her relationship with Dean, let alone a complete stranger no matter how insightful said stranger may be.  Her insides were twisting uncomfortably as she thought about Jess.  Insightful was right, Rory thought.  Too insightful.  Somehow Jess always managed to get under her skin.  She found she was no longer angry with her, even though she wanted to be.  It was hard to stay angry at someone who was clearly trying to cover up deep emotional pain by lashing out at everyone around her.  

She began to wonder if it really was the right thing to do to stay with Dean.  She cared about him a lot.  He was kind and supportive and dependable.  But she knew now she would never fall in love with him, even if she wanted to.  Was it wrong to stay with him, knowing this?  She was starting to believe it was.

Then her thoughts drifted to Paris.  She hadn’t felt anything like the feelings the kiss had generated when talking to Paris this evening.  Maybe it had been a fluke.  Maybe she could just get on with her life and pretend it had never happened. 

The next morning Rory sleepily helped her mom say goodbye to all the guests.  Luckily her grandparents seemed to have resolved their issues.  Rory knew she had done the right thing in inviting them.  

“Thanks Rory!”  Clara bounded over to her.

“Clara, I’m glad you came.” Rory told her.

“So I guess I’ll see you later,” Dean leaned toward her.

“Don’t kiss!”  Clara cried.

“Come on,” Dean complained.

“Don’t kiss.” she repeated.  Rory thought she might have to keep this kid around more often.  But Dean placed a hand over Clara’s eyes and kissed Rory anyways.  Rory felt more guilty than she ever had as their lips briefly met.  She decided she would have to talk to him soon.  

They said their goodbyes and Rory turned to watch them leave.  As she did, her eye’s met Jess’ from across the room.  Her stare lingered, and Rory felt heat travel from her toes all the way up to her face.  It was almost like the feeling she had when Paris kissed her, only slower.  It was a burning ember just waiting for the tinder that would spark the flame.  

She looked down at her feet as understanding dawned, and when she glanced back up Jess was still looking into her eyes.  Jess smiled at her, and it transformed her entire countenance.  It was a smile that held the answers to all of Rory’s questions.

Rory couldn’t help but smile back.  She didn’t see Dean watching them from the doorway.  What she did see, as she and her mom rode home in one of the horse-drawn sleighs, was the snowman.  The one that used to stand next to her snow-woman was now just a pile of snow.  Rory smiled to herself, and the ember burned brighter.


	5. Secrets of the Flesh

School was back in session, and everyone was buzzing about their preSAT scores that had been mailed to them.  During lunch on Friday, Paris sat across from Madeline and Louise as usual.  Rory was eating at the other end of the long lunch table, and she could clearly overhear Paris’ overt attempts to get her two friends to ask her what her scores were.  They obviously were not picking up on it.  Rory wondered, not for the first time, why Paris remained friends with those two.  They didn’t seem to share any of Paris’ interests or take school seriously at all.  Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and jumped in to put Paris out of her misery.

“So, what did you get?”  Rory asked her.

“Well Rory, since you asked.  I got a 750 math and a 730 verbal.”  She beamed.

“Those are great scores.”  Rory told her, then went back to eating her lunch.

“So, did you get your scores back yet?”  Paris asked her.

“Yup.”

“And?”

“I’m happy.” Rory answered.

“How happy?”  Paris pushed.

“Pretty happy.”  Rory was now enjoying stringing Paris along.  It was so easy sometimes.

“Yes but how do I know if you’re one of those people who gets ‘pretty happy’ looking at a sunset.  How do I know what your barometer for being ‘pretty happy’ is?”

“You don’t.”

“Right.  So...are you?”

“Am I what?”  Rory asked innocently.  This was really getting fun.

“Are you one of those people who gets ‘pretty happy’ looking at a sunset?!”  Paris very nearly had smoke coming out of her ears by now.  It was so rare that Rory felt like she had the upperhand with Paris, she was milking every second of it.

“I don’t get unhappy looking at a sunset.”  She grinned coyly.

“What did you get?”  Paris demanded, tired of beating around the bush.

“That’s personal.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s none of your business.”

“Okay.  Fine.  Don’t tell me what you got.”  Paris was resorting to reverse psychology now.  

“I won’t.”

“Why won’t you tell me your score?!”

“Bye Paris!”  Rory told her as the bell rang for class.  She loved that she had the power to make Paris crazy.

“You’re not torturing me you know!” Paris called after her, completely reinforcing how desperately she wanted to know.  “I don’t care, my scores were great I’m very very happy with my scores.  And I hate looking at a sunset so my standard for happiness is high!”

Their rivalry had begun the day Rory started school at Chilton, late into the first semester of Sophomore year.  Paris saw Rory as a threat to her position as the most accomplished student at Chilton, and sought to better her at every turn.  Rory secretly felt the same way.  As a result they were constantly challenging each other to better themselves.  Rory knew she could have gloated and held her higher scores over Paris’ head, but this had been much more fun.

 

That night at her grandparents’ house, Lorelai was stubbornly refusing to mention their recent termite troubles and the fact that they couldn’t afford to get it fixed.  Rory was so fed up that finally she just blurted it all out.  Her grandmother immediately offered to help them, and Rory thought that was the end of it.  Until the drive home.  Lorelai was silent the entire way and Rory knew something bad was brewing.

“Mom,” she said as they walked in the door and hung up their coats.  “Stop it, talk to me.”  Lorelai ignored her and stomped up the stairs.  “It’s been two hours since you’ve even looked in my direction!”  Rory felt the sting of her mother’s anger like a hot knife in her heart.  She followed her upstairs.  She couldn’t remember her mom ever being mad at her.  Not like this.

Lorelai had slammed her bedroom behind her, but Rory walked right in anyways.  

“Okay, I get it, you’re mad.”  She said.

“Rory, I do not want to talk about this right now,”  Lorelai answered without turning around.

“You were just being stubborn!”  Rory continued.

“Go to bed.”  Lorelai told her.

“But you didn’t want to ask for help, so I did.”

“Hey, do you remember the conversation we had before we left this house tonight?”  Lorelai asked her, back still turned.

“Yes, but-”

“I told you going to my parents was not an option.”

“I know, but-”

Lorelai spun around.  “In fact, I told you several times that asking my parents was not an option.”

“Fine, but we have a real problem here!”  Rory glared back.

“Oh, you think I don’t know that?  You think I just sit around swapping witticisms all day?  No, I am thinking and worrying and using the computer and I hate using the computer!”

“Which is exactly why I brought this up.”

“You had no right to bring it up.”

“Why?”

“Because I told you not to, that’s why!”  Rory had never seen her mother so furious.

“But-”

“No!  There are no buts, there will be no buts here.  There’s ‘I’m sorry mom’, there’s ‘I screwed up mom’, there’s ‘I’ll never do it again mom’, there are no buts!”

“But-”  Rory was trying desperately to get her mom to see her side of it.

“Out!”  Lorelai screamed.

“Mom!”

“Go to bed.  We’re done.”  And with that Lorelai stomped out of her bedroom, ending the conversation.

 

* * *

 

Rory didn’t sleep all night.  She and her mom never fought.  She didn’t understand how what she had done was so horrible.  She was feeling miserable all day and couldn’t wait for school to end so she could go meet Lane and talk it out.  They hadn’t seen each other in weeks and Rory was looking forward to catching up.  But when she arrived at Stars Hollow high, Lane was surrounded by a group of cheerleaders  _ and she was wearing one of their uniforms! _  Lane caught her eye, saw the shocked look on Rory’s face, and turned away quickly looking embarrassed.  Rory hunched forward, clutching her books to her chest.  Why did it seem like everyone in her life was pulling an  _ Invasion of the Body Snatchers _ ?  She felt like she hardly knew herself anymore, and on top of that it seemed she didn’t know her best friend anymore either.

“Think fast!” A voice told her two seconds before a basketball went flying past her face.  She startled, then whirled around to rail on whoever had tried to kill her.  It was Dean.

“Very good,” he laughed.  He was constantly amused by her complete lack of hand-eye coordination or basic reflexes.  

“You threw a basketball at my head!”  She accused him.

“No, I threw a basketball past your head.”

“What if I had turned around when you said that?”

“Then maybe you would have caught it, thereby completing the whole ‘think fast’ equation.”

“I don’t catch basketballs,”  she told him.

“Duly noted.”  He was still laughing.

“I don’t even like basketballs,”

“Okay, I’m very sorry.”

“In fact, out of all the sporting balls in the world, the basketball is probably my least favorite.”

“Rory.”

“They’re so round, and hard.”

“Rory.” 

“And they’re orange!”

“You do realize how insane you sound right now.”

“Yes,” she looked down at her hands.

“Okay, just checking.”

“I’m sorry, I’m in a horrible mood.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

“It’s just, we’ve had fights before.”

“You and me?”  Dean’s face suddenly looked worried.

“Me and mom.”  She told him.

“Ahh.”

“But this one is particularly crazy.  We have a situation here and she’s being so stubborn.”

“Huh.”  Dean looked away, avoiding her eyes.

“What?”

“What what?” 

“What was with the ‘huh’?”

“Nothing.”  He shrugged.

“No, there was a meaning behind that ‘huh’.  That was a loaded ‘huh’, that was not a normal ‘huh’, you meant to say something with that ‘huh’ and now you’re taking it back!”

“Okay now-”

“Don’t use that kind of ‘huh’ if you’re not prepared to defend it.”

Dean pressed his lips together and said nothing.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Because words are a very dangerous thing right now.”

“You were saying that I’m stubborn just like my mother.”  She prompted.

“I was saying that, in addition to all of the wonderful amazing qualities that the two of you share, there’s possibly on occasion a similar tendency to...dig your heels in.”

Rory sighed.  “I hate it when we fight.”

“I know.”

“She was  _ so _ mad.”

“You’ll make up.”  He kissed her, and she felt her worries ease a little.  “Want to get a coffee?”

“Yeah!”  She smiled.  Being around Dean was making her bad day just a little bit brighter.  She had intended to talk to him sometime soon, but the right opportunity never seemed to present itself.  She was grappling with what to say, how to explain herself.  She didn’t want to lose him as a friend, he was one of the few people she felt close to.  Plus she was back to avoiding Jess, this time not out of anger but because she didn’t know how to deal with the sudden flood of emotions that Jess always arose in her.  It was easier to go on with her life the way she had planned it when Jess wasn’t there smiling at her.  Just the memory of that smile was enough to set her heart racing and her breath quickening.  She needed someone to talk to, to help her sort everything out.  But her three usual options were not options at all right now.

Rory was walking home after coffee when she saw Lane leaving the school by herself, still in her cheer-leading uniform.  She set her jaw and strode forward, determined to find out why her best friend had succumbed to the most cliche of high school activities.  Lane saw her approach and assumed a similar look of determination.

“We need to talk.”  Lane told her when they met.  Rory was momentarily dumbstruck.  That was exactly what she had intended to say.

“Okay, let’s talk.”  She agreed, setting her backpack on the bench.  “Nice outfit.”  She said sarcastically.

“Thank you.”  Lane replied earnestly, showing that she was not the least bit ashamed.

“So this is why you’ve been AWOL for the past couple of weeks?”  Rory asked her.

“Pretty much.”

“So what, you just had the sudden urge to stand on another girl’s shoulders?”  Rory couldn’t keep the derision out of her voice.

“Don’t be like that,” Lane pleaded, shaking her head sadly.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re being!  It makes it impossible to tell you.”

“You  _ didn’t _ tell me.”  Rory reminded her.  She was getting a strong feeling that all of their lines were reversed and they were really supposed to be having a completely different conversation.

“I know I didn't tell you.”  Lane snapped.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Okay.  Have you ever thought of being a prosecutor, because I think you’ve got real potential.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this.”

“No, I’m acting like this because you didn’t tell me.”

“Oh.  So if I had come up to you and said ‘Rory, I want to become a cheerleader’, you would’ve said…”  Lane trailed off, waiting for Rory to fill in the blank.

“Why?”  Rory answered.

“Exactly.”

“Exactly what?  Lane, this is weird.  I mean, we always used to make fun of cheerleaders.  You and I we would rag on Janie Furtman during pep rallies, and now all of a sudden you’re...peppy.”  Rory said the last word like it was a nail in a coffin.

“I’m not peppy!”  Lane was indignant.

“Well you look peppy.”

“Look, you’re not around much anymore-”

“Oh, so this is my fault?”

“-and you have Dean.”

“And now it's Dean’s fault.”

“It’s just- I don’t know.  I don’t know why I wanted to do it I just wanted to try it and I don’t feel like I should have to justify it to you or explain it to you or-”

“Then don’t!”

“Fine, I won’t!”

“Okay!”

“Alright!”  Lane grabbed her pom poms and stormed away.

Rory’s head was reeling.  First her mom and now Lane.  Was everyone in her life going mad or was it just her?  Maybe she was the common denominator.  Lane was right, she hadn’t been a very good friend to her lately.  She had been so wrapped up in trying to figure everything out that she hadn’t realized how much Lane needed her.  Rory decided then that she would do whatever she needed to to fix her relationships.

That night, she attended the Stars Hollow High pep rally to show her support for Lane.  She had left a note for Lorelai to meet her there, and stood waiting and hoping that she would show up.  She was relieved when she felt the tap on her shoulder.

“Hey,”  Lorelai greeted her.

“Hey,”  Rory answered, trying to gauge her mom’s mood and hoping she wasn’t still mad.

“I got your note,”  Lorelai told her.

“Oh good.  Pinning it to the mallomars is always a safe bet.”

Lorelai nodded, smiling, and Rory relaxed.  “Coffee?”  Lorelai asked, offering her a styrofoam cup.

“Please,”  Rory accepted gratefully.

After a long pause, Lorelai spoke up.  “So grandma and I went to the bank today.”

“Really?”  Rory brightened.  “How’d it go?”

“We got the loan.”  Lorelai told her.

“Good!  So then everything’s okay?”

“Yeah well…”  Lorelai trailed off.  Her anger had dissipated but it seemed like she was still upset.  It was time for Rory to mend fences.

“I’m sorry I told grandma about it.”  She admitted.

“Oh hun, listen, there’s gonna be a time in our lives where occasionally I’m gonna make a mistake.  It hasn’t happened yet, but it might.”

“Sure.”

“But I will have earned the right to make that mistake, and I’ve earned the right to fix any problems without interference.”

“I just thought that they could help.”  Rory was feeling defensive again.  She had never understood her mom’s insistence on doing everything on her own.

“I didn’t want their help!”  

Rory could feel their fight from the night before building up again but she just had to make her mom understand that she had done the right thing.  “But-” she started, belatedly remembering that that word was off-limits.

“Rory!”  Her mom cut her off.  “Have you ever been without food or clothes or books, or book-covers for that matter, or anything else you ever needed?”

“No,” Rory answered sheepishly.

“You see the reason for that is me, I have a pretty good track record for keeping you alive.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“So when I tell you I can handle something you need to respect that, especially since you have no evidence proving I won’t.  Understand?”

Rory nodded, finally conceding that her mom was right.  “Yeah, I understand.  I’m sorry.”

“I officially declare this fight over!”  Lorelai cried happily.

“I’ll drink to that!”  Rory tapped her cup to Lorelai’s and they sipped their coffee, smiling at each other.

“Is that Lane?”  Lorelai asked as the cheerleaders exited the school to begin their routine.

“Yeah, that’s Lane.”  Rory answered, still trying to understand the draw of jumping around in a skirt yelling ‘Go Team!’.  Lorelai was smiling as she watched her daughter’s childhood friend enjoying herself as part of a group.  Rory looked at her mom and it suddenly occurred to her that Dean was right, she and her mom were more alike than she realized.  She herself had been trying to figure everything out on her own, and it wasn’t working.  

When the pep rally ended, she sought out Lane.  It was finally time to be honest with her.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi,” Lane answered.  

“So, the music selection, yours I assume?”  Rory complimented her.

“Yeah!”  Lane grinned.  “There’s a bit of an education process going on.”

“You got them to cheer to  _ Madness _ , there must be some hope left in the world.”

“Thank you.  I want you to rest assured that I remain me, the Niko-obsessed Exene wannabe with forty Korean bibles under her bed.  I just bounce a little more.”

“I think I can handle that.”  

They were quiet for a moment.  Rory steeled herself and then began.

“I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me things.”  She started.

“I don’t want to  _ not _ tell you things.”  Lane agreed.

“Speaking of which, there’s something I’ve been needing to tell you.”  She bit down on her lower lip nervously.

“What is it?”  Lane asked, curious.

And then it all came out in a rush.  Rory told her about how she had never felt like she was in love with Dean, how she thought something was wrong with her until Paris kissed her during the play, and lastly about how she thought she might have feelings for Jess.  Lane listened to it all with rapt attention.

“Wow!”  She said after Rory finished.  “This is all so  _ The Truth About Jane _ !”

“Oh my god I know!”  Rory agreed.  

“What did Lorelai say?”

“I haven’t told her yet.”  Rory admitted.  “We had this huge fight and plus I wanted to wait until I knew what was happening before I said anything.”  All of her excuses were sounding flimsy.  Maybe things had felt so off between her and her mom because there was this big secret in the way.  “What do you think I should do?”

“Me?  I haven’t even kissed a boy yet and you’re already kissing girls!  I’m Jessica Simpson to your K.D. Lang.  This goes way beyond my realm of expertise.”

Rory was quiet for a long time.  “Do you think,” she stopped, trying to organize her thoughts.  “Does this make me-”.  She shook her head, unable to verbalize what she was feeling.  “What does this mean?”  She finally asked.

“I don’t know.”  Lane answered somberly.  “But you know I’m here for you no matter what, right?”

Rory nodded, her eyes filling with tears as Lane pulled her into a hug.

“But I do still think you should talk to Lorelai.  She’s better with this stuff than me.”

“I don’t really think that’s an option.”  Rory was thinking about her mother’s strong dislike of Jess ever since the night she’d had the dinner party.  She never had gotten the whole story about what had transpired, but she knew her mom wasn’t likely to be thrilled about her daughter developing feelings for the persona non grata.  For now, she would keep her secret.


	6. The Scarlet Curtain

Rory and Lorelai were browsing the shelves of Stars Hollow video, trying to decide what movies to watch that weekend.  

“How bout a triple feature,” Lorelai was saying.  “Three Days of the Condor, Shoah and The Jerk?”  
“Uh, Shoah’s like nine and a half hours long.”  Rory reminded her.  
”But The Jerk is short.”  Lorelai countered.  
“Next.”  Rory vetoed.  
“The three faces of Costner – Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about ‘Once upon a time there was a thing called mail.’ It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry, it’ll make you wanna mail something.”  
“Or,”  Rory suggested, “we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemary’s Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.”  
“I’ve got it. The worst film festival ever. Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Bugaloo.”  
“Sold!”  Rory exclaimed.  
“I’ll get the Hawk.”  
“I’ll get the Bugaloo.” Rory grinned, turning to look for the correct aisle.  She was leaning down to look through the bottom shelf when she saw two boys sitting on the floor looking at a copy of _Showgirls_ and ogling the scantily clad woman on the front.  She grabbed _Electric Bugaloo_ and headed up to the register to meet her mom.  
“Got it, plus four boxes of Red Vines.”  Lorelai told her.  
“Evening Lorelai.” Said Kirk from behind the counter.  
“Um, I forgot my card at home but I think my number’s 6247.”  She said, smiling hopefully.  
“You forgot your card?”  Kirk was not amused.  
“I might’ve lost it.”  
“You _lost_ your card?”  
“I might have.”  
“Was it temporary or laminated?”  
“Laminated.”  
“That’s a permanent card. You lost a permanent card.”  
“You can just get me a new card Kirk.”

“Fine, but I hope you understand the gravity of the situation here.”  
“I’m trying to grasp it.”  Just then Lorelai’s phone rang.  She answered it, ignoring Kirk’s affronted glare.  “I’ll be right back.”  She whispered to Rory and stepped outside.  
“Hey Kirk?”  Rory asked to fill the awkward silence.  “There are a couple of little kids over there and they’re, uh, looking at this tape cover that’s kind of mature. You might wanna put that stuff on a higher shelf or something.”  She advised him.  
“Mature?”  He asked.  “How mature?”  
“Um, it’s a half-naked woman just standing there.”  
“Is she a blonde?”  
“What?”  
“I’ll check it out right now.”  He walked away to investigate.  Rory was just considering taking their movies and leaving when Kirk returned to finish checking them out.  

 

* * *

 

Monday at school, Rory was pulling a few books out of her locker and shoving them into her backpack.  When she closed the locker door Paris was standing right behind it, startling her.

“You have got to stop doing that!”  She cried.  

Paris ignored her.  “So I’ve been doing some research on the Oppenheimer Award,” she said, “and I’ve noticed something. All of the winning schools had an extremely strong human interest story on page one.”  
“Okay…” Rory wondered where she was going with this.  
“And I think that’s what we need. I mean, we’ve got the teen issues down, we’ve got a decent op-ed and political page, but human interest – that’s what we’re missing.”  
“Ideas?”  
“Yes.”  
“Do tell.”  
“According to the papers, there’s been a huge increase in the number of families fleeing the major cities in favor of small towns. Hundreds of thousands of city slicking yuppies carting the trophy wife and the asthmatic kids off to small towns in search of the simple life. Milk a cow, pet a pig, find yourself, all that kind of crap.”  
“Interesting…”  Rory had a sneaking suspicion she knew where this was going.  
“Yeah, and I thought about it. There’s a romantic aspect to small towns. White picket fences, low crime rate, smaller classrooms, better tomatoes. It all seems perfect.”  
“But?”  Rory wished she would just get to the point already.  
“But nothing is perfect, nothing is safe, nothing is ever what it seems. And then it hit me - our story. We are going to blow the lid off the seedy underbelly of small town life, starting with yours.”  
And there was the rub.  “Stars Hollow?”  She asked, hoping she was wrong.  
“Yes.”  Paris confirmed.  
“You are going to uncover the seedy underbelly of Stars Hollow?”  Rory reiterated slowly.  
“Yes.”  
“Paris, Stars Hollow doesn’t have a seedy underbelly. We don’t even have a meter maid.”  
“Look, you may be blind to it because you live there, but trust me, it’s there and it’s ugly and I’m going to find it. I’ll meet you out front after school.”

“I can’t today.”  Rory told her.  
“Why not? Are you hiding something?”  
_If she only knew!_ Rory thought bitterly, but improvised her answer.  “No. I promised my mom that I would help her with something.”  
“Well, help her tomorrow. We have work to do.”  
“Paris!”  
“Hey, this could be our chance to nail this thing. Now I have a hunch that there’s a story here and a good one, and I’m going to find it. I was even going to share a byline with you on it, but if you wanna bail out, that’s fine. I’ll just do it myself.”  
“But -”  
“Am I meeting you or not?”

“I really don’t think you’re gonna find anything.”  
“Well, then the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair. I’ll meet you out front, don’t be late.”

It looked like there was no getting out of it.  Rory would be spending the afternoon with Paris.  As if she didn’t have enough to deal with right now.  She only hoped they would work on the story and then Paris would be on her way before they encountered anyone, specifically Jess.  Rory had a feeling that of everyone she knew, Paris was most likely to be astute enough to realize there was something going on between Rory and Jess.  The last thing Rory needed right now was for rumors to start spreading about her at school, the place where she had to stay focused.

After school, Rory and Paris stepped off of the bus onto main street in front of Luke’s Diner.  Paris was compulsively brushing her clothes off with her hands.  
“I think I got rabies.”  She complained.  
“It’s just a bus, Paris.”  Rory rolled her eyes.  
“It smelled.”  
“It smelled like a bus.”  
“I’m gonna have to burn my clothes when I get home.”  
“You know, Paris, you have a car.”  Rory reminded her.  “We could’ve driven here.”  
“We have to get the feel of the small town world. You’re not going to get the feel of a small town world in a BMW. Is there something crawling in my hair?”  
“Alright, so we’re here now, where do you wanna go?”  
“I don’t know, where’s the bad part of town?”  
“Um, over there.”  Rory pointed in a random direction.  
“What? “  
“People are very upset with the color of that fence.”  
“Come on.”   
“This is the town Paris, this is it. It’s not seedy, it’s not rundown, it’s just Stars Hollow.”  
“Well, where’s the local bar?”  
“In Woodbridge.”

“Why aren’t you helping?”  Paris demanded.  
“I’m trying, you’re just looking for something that’s not here.”  
“What’s this?”  She gestured to the building in front of them.  
“Luke’s Diner.”  Rory answered.  
“Diner? Okay, good, good.”  They opened the door and walked in.  Rory looked furtively around, wondering if Jess was working.  She was both relieved and disappointed to see that she wasn’t there.  Paris made a beeline for the counter and sat down, grabbing a menu.  
“What are you doing?”  Rory asked her.  
“Trying just to blend in, fade away, observe.”  Paris whispered.  
“Hey Rory.”  Luke greeted them loudly. “Coffee?”  
“Thanks Luke.”  
“Who’s your friend?”  Luke asked.   
“Angela Lansbury.”  Rory replied.  
“You’re the owner here?”  Paris asked him.  
“Yup. You want some coffee Angela?”  Rory couldn’t tell if he was joking or if he actually thought that was her name.  
“No thanks.”  Paris declined.  “So, you run the diner, huh?”  
“Oh boy.”  Rory slouched down on her stool, knowing what was coming next.  
“You get a lot of truckers through here?”  Paris asked Luke.  
“Truckers?”  Luke looked bewildered.  Rory wished she could save him.

“Yeah.”  Paris went on.  “You know, guys on the road for weeks, lonely, looking for company, a little pick me up. Things like that.”  
“What’s she talking about?”  Luke asked Rory.  
“Your guess is as good as mine.”  
“It’s pretty common knowledge that diners are breeding grounds for prostitution and drug dealers.”  
“What?”  
“Have you ever seen anything like that going down here?”  
“Rory, how much do you like this person?”  
“Do what you gotta do, Luke.”  
And at that moment Jess appeared from the stairwell.  
“Hey, where’d she come from?”  Paris demanded.  “What’s up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got yourself a little cathouse up there?”  
“Wow, I think she got you Uncle Luke. You better give up now.”  Jess replied dryly.  
“Do not add to this insanity.”  Luke warned her.  
“An innocent girl like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.”  She goaded him.  
“Jess!”  
“I wanna be good, life’s just not letting me.”  She grinned, clearly enjoying his discomfiture.  
“Rory, get her out of here.”  Luke pointed at Paris.  
“Okay, let’s go Angela.”  She grabbed Paris’ backpack and hoisted her off her stool.  
“Why do you need me to leave? What have you got to hide?”  Paris called out.

“Paris, let’s go!”  Rory dragged Paris out of the diner, and when she looked back over her shoulder Jess was grinning at her, eyes dancing.

She let go of Paris as soon as they were out the door, and they started walking down the sidewalk.  Paris was getting angrier by the second.

“Nothing!”  She complained.  “Not even a cigarette butt on the ground, I can’t believe it. This town would make Frank Capra wanna throw up.”  
“Sorry,” Rory told her.  “I tried to tell you.”  
“I know. I know, it’s just. . .I was just so sure.”  
“We’ll think of something else to write about, I promise.”  Rory tried to sound reassuring.  
“We’re going to lose.”   
“We’re not going to lose.”  
They walked past the Stars Hollow video store and before she knew it Rory was being accosted by Taylor and Kirk.  
“There she is, the girl of the moment!”  Taylor cried.”  
“Me?”  Rory was confused.  
“You, young lady, are my hero.”  Taylor told her proudly.  
“Why is that Taylor?”  She didn’t like the sound of this one bit.  
“Because in this day and age when the kids are willy nilly with their clothes and hair and morals, it is heartwarming to see a sensible girl like you still exists. A girl who has the gumption and the guts to stand up and say, ‘why are we allowing this trash out where all our children can see it?’”  
“And a few selected adults also.”  Kirk added.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Well, come on in and see for yourself.”  Taylor waved her in and she and Paris followed.  The previously packed shelves looked ransacked.  They were almost barren save for a few leftover boxes here and there.  
“What happened?”  Rory exclaimed.  “Where is everything?”  
“Well, thanks to your brilliant suggestion, they are all safely stashed behind the Rory Curtain.”  Taylor made a grand sweeping gesture toward a heavy red velvet curtain that now hung from the ceiling, dividing the store in half.  
Rory blinked.  “The what?”  
“We thought it was only fitting to name it after you.”  Kirk beamed.  
“No! I don’t want a Rory Curtain, I never asked for a Rory Curtain!”  
“You told me to put that movie where the kids couldn’t see it.”  Kirk reminded her.  
“You did?”  Paris was incredulous.  
“Well, yeah,” she admitted.  “But I just meant to put it on a higher shelf, not to get fabric involved.”  
“Oh, this is much better than a higher shelf. Now all the movies that we deem objectionable will be safely hidden from the eyes of the children. Plus, it’ll make the adults think twice before they go back there.”  Taylor rocked back on his heels and grinned.  
“No, I did not mean to do this!”  Rory looked to Paris for help, but she was walking around like a bloodhound with its nose to the ground.  She looked behind the curtain, then pulled a notebook and pen out of her bag and walked up to Taylor. 

“What are you doing?“  Rory asked her.  
“This is it.” Paris replied excitedly.  
“This is what?”  Rory was beyond bewildered now.

“Our story! Censorship in a small town, it’s perfect.”  
“Paris, stop it. You know I don’t believe in censorship.”  Rory pleaded.  
“Even better!  Small town minds run amok. This is genius, it’s gold. We’re going to win. Now Taylor, on the record, how long have you been working here?”

Rory threw her hands up in defeat and let Paris follow her nose.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Rory was walking home with bags full of take-out when she once again walked past the video store.  It was closed now, but she could clearly see in the front window a plaque with her school picture on it above a caption that read ‘Citizen of the Month.”  She glared at it for a long while before she heard footsteps approach.  She knew it was Jess without looking.  She was even more mortified now, wondering what Jess must think of her.

“Nice picture,”  Jess told her.

“Gee, thanks,” Rory replied sardonically.

“You’re very popular right now.  I bet if you burn a few books they’ll probably make you Mayor!”

“This is ridiculous!”  Rory cried in frustration.

“I don’t know, I bet you’d have a lot of supporters on this.”  Jess told her.  “Pat Buchanan, Jerry Falwell, Kathy Lee Gifford…”

“Bye,” Rory snapped, not in the mood to deal with Jess’ sarcasm.

“Oh come on, it’s a little funny.”  Jess grinned at her and Rory softened a little.

“No,” she argued, “being a poster girl for censorship is not a little funny!  The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher.”

Jess shrugged.  “It’s a crazy world we live in.”

“And where did they even find that stupid picture?”

“Naw, the picture’s good.  It’s the people who are stupid.”  And Jess’ smile changed as she looked at her.  Rory felt her skin tingle and had to look away.

“I’m never going to be able to leave my house again.”  She complained.

Jess looked down at the multiple bags of Chinese food take-out Rory was carrying.  “Well at least you won’t starve.”  She joked.

“I can’t look at it anymore.”  Rory started walking away from the video store.

“Relax,” Jess told her as she passed, almost close enough to touch.  “I don’t think it’ll be around for very long.”  Her mischievous grin was back and Rory was suddenly reminded of the snowman and the chalk outline.

“Why?”  She asked, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

“Just a guess.”  Jess shrugged and turn to walk the other way.

“Jess!”  Rory called after her, then realized she didn’t have anything specific to say.  She just wasn’t ready for her to go yet.

Jess kept walking.  “Enjoy your food!”  She called over her shoulder.

“Come back here.”  Rory almost had to shout.

“Why?”  She asked, still walking away.

“I’ll give you an eggroll,”  Rory promised.  Jess stopped, waited a moment, then turned back toward her.  It had worked.  Rory was surprised at herself.  Was she actually bribing Jess to stay here with her for just a few more minutes?  

Jess came back and stood facing her, looking deep into her eyes.  “Yes?”  She asked softly.

Rory couldn’t answer for a moment.  Her breath seemed to be stuck somewhere inside her chest, beneath her wildly pounding heart.  She needed to say something, anything.

“What did you do?”  She asked finally, referring to Jess’ comment about her picture.

“Nothing much, just wanted to make sure that whoever rents Dumbo or Bambi gets a little surprise.”  Rory’s eyes widened.

“What kind of a surprise?”

She just grinned wickedly again.  “Goodnight, citizen of the month.”  She inclined her head and walked away.

“What did you do?”  Rory demanded, trying to sound authoritative but already laughing at the prank.

Jess turned, walking backwards for a moment.  “You owe me an eggroll!”

Rory was grinning ear to ear as she watched Jess until she turned the corner and was out of sight.


	7. The Polysyllabic Spree

Rory and Lorelai were doing their weekly shopping at Doose’s Market.  Rory was daydreaming as they browsed and not fully listening.

“So I've decided I'm saving myself for William Holden.”  Lorelai was saying.  
“Wow, it's nice out here in left field.”  Rory mumbled.  
“Hey, I'm sorry. Sunset Boulevard was on last night, and I don't know…I've known him for years – Sabrina, Stalag 17 – and yet last night something snapped.”  
“I'll say.”  This was one of her mom’s crazier topics of conversation so far.  
“I think it was the monkey scene.”  
“You know he's dead, don't you?”  She told her.  
“The monkey?”  
“William Holden!”  
“Well, every great relationship has its obstacles. How about this one?”  She held up a good-sized picnic basket.  They were both going to enter the bid-on-a-basket fundraiser that weekend.  
“Um, no.”  Rory advised.  
“Why?”  
“It’s too big, it raises expectations.”  
“You mean the expectation that there’s actually a home-cooked lunch in there?”  
“Instead of whatever is leftover in our refrigerator?  Exactly.”  Rory was not looking forward to the event. “Oh, it’s just so quaint, isn’t it?”  She muttered bitterly. “The women get to make a nice lunch basket, the men get to bid on it, and the world rotates backwards on its axis.”  She knew Dean was expecting her to pack a picnic lunch for them to share after he bid on her basket.  She had hoped she would have gotten up the nerve to talk to him by now, but she hadn’t.  Every time she thought about telling him the truth she was seized by terror.  
“I think it’s fun.”  Lorelai smiled as she put the basket back on the display table and looked around for a smaller one.  
“That’s because you’re crazy.”  Rory quipped.

“I’m gonna go look in the back,” Lorelai told her, unperturbed by her daughter’s mood.

Rory wandered away from the baskets.  She was meandering up and down the aisles when Dean found her.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.” she answered, trying to rein in her grumpiness.

“Is Taylor behind me?”  He asked.

“No,” She replied.  He bent to kiss her, and guilt washed over her.  She was relieved when a noise interrupted them.

“Taylor?” Dean spun around, worried that he’d been caught slacking at work.  When he saw who was behind him he scowled.  It was Jess.  
“Sorry to intrude.”  She told him, not sounding sorry at all.  
“Then why did you?”  Dean demanded.  
“Well, you’re having your vertical ‘From Here to Eternity’ moment right in front of the super glue.”   
“Oh.”  Rory looked at her feet, completely mortified.  
“Not that that’s not an appropriate place to be doing it in front of but - ”  
Dean grabbed a package of glue and thrust it toward her.  “Here’s your glue.”  
“Thanks. As you were.”  She gave Rory a little nod and walked away.  
“Man, that girl really bugs me.”  Dean told Rory, his voice full of venom.  
Rory was taken aback.  She knew they weren’t exactly friends, but she didn’t think Dean hated anyone.  It made her uncomfortable.  
“I really wish you two could start over.”  She told him.  
“Why?”  Dean looked at her closely.  
Rory hadn’t thought this through.  
“Because she lives here and we run into her. She goes to school with you. I just think it’d be easier.”  She stammered.  
“I’m fine with the whole hating her thing, thank you.”  
“I just think it’s a waste of energy.”  
“So I’ll have a PowerBar.”  
“Fine, forget it.”  
“So, uh, I should probably get back to work. We still on for tonight?”  
“I don’t know. I might be baking.”  She joked.  He already knew better than to expect anything homemade for this basket event.  
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”  He kissed her again, then pointed to a basket. “Get that one, it’s nice and small.”  He grinned and walked away.

Rory was standing there puzzling over what to do when someone suddenly came up behind her.  It was Jess again.  
“God!”  She exclaimed.  
“Sorry. Two for one sale.”  Jess leaned in close to her, reaching for another package of glue.  Rory could smell the shampoo in her hair.  She was frozen to the spot, heart hammering.  Jess took the glue and gave Rory an enigmatic smirk, then left without another word.      
Lorelai turned down the aisle then and Rory flushed, unsure if her mom had seen anything.

“You know what’s wonderful about this festival?”  She asked her.  
“No, what?”  Rory tried to keep her voice steady.  
“That it always falls on the day after trash day. Therefore, all the stuff that you forgot to throw out that you would normally be stuck with for another whole week, you can instead put in a pretty basket and auction off for charity.”  
“That is wonderful.”  Rory replied dryly, feeling like she could speak normally again.  They purchased their items and left the market.  Lane joined them soon after and told them all about her complicated scheme to get the guy she liked to meet her for the picnic without her mom ever finding out.  When she left Lorelai and Rory were silent for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts.

“I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy.”  Lorelai finally said.  She looked sideways at Rory as they walked.  Rory avoided her gaze, unsure where this was headed.  When no response was forthcoming Lorelai continued.  “Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldn’t leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree.”  Again she paused, waiting for Rory to speak.  Rory still didn’t answer.  “He fell, broke his leg.”  Rory couldn’t speak, not even to laugh at her mother’s anecdote.  Her mind was reeling.  How much had Lorelai figured out?  “Ah, to be young again.”  Lorelai finished, and they walked the rest of the way home in silence.

 

* * *

 

Finally the day of the basket festival arrived.  Rory and Lorelai had indeed packed small baskets full of leftovers out of their fridge, including some questionable potato salad.  Dean had been forewarned, but Rory wondered about the poor chum who would end up bidding on Lorelai’s basket.  Rory dragged her feet getting ready.  She had finally made up her mind to talk to Dean while they ate their picnic lunch.  She knew she couldn’t keep putting it off any longer.

By the time they got there the auction had already started.  Taylor was standing behind his podium inside the gazebo, a pile of colorful baskets arranged in front of him.

“Sold for fifteen dollars to the man in the yellow. Thank you very much. Now the next basket I have here is a lovely green wicker number that would be a charming addition to any room once the lunch is gone.” 

“That’s mine.”  Rory told her mom.  
“Nice.”  Lorelai commented.  
“Remember people – good things come in small packages.”  Taylor was saying.  
“How badly does he want to be hosting a game show?”  Lorelai whispered.  
“Hm, he can taste it.”  Rory agreed.  
“Let's start the bidding at three dollars.”  
“Hey!”  Rory cried, indignant.  
“Five dollars.”  Dean called out, smiling at her.

“He's good. He's very good.”  Lorelai complimented Dean.  
“Now that's the kind of bidding we want to hear today.” Taylor was really getting into his role as auctioneer.  “Do I hear ten dollars?”  
“Ten dollars!”  Called a voice from the back of the crowd.  Everyone stopped and turned to look.  It was a female voice, none other than Jess.  

Rory felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach.  She couldn’t process what was happening.  What was Jess doing?

“Did you know about this?”  Lorelai whispered.  Rory shook her head vehemently.  Dean was looking at Rory in total confusion.  
Taylor was the first to recover his composure.  “Okay, I have ten dollars. Do I have fifteen?”  
“Twenty.”  Jess called, bidding against herself now and grinning smugly at all the townsfolk who continued to stare at her.  
“Twenty dollars, do I hear twenty-five?”  Taylor continued.  
Rory glanced back at Dean.  His confusion had quickly turned to anger as he glared forward, refusing to look at Jess.

“Thirty.”  He said through clenched teeth.  
“Okay, see, you guys don't seem to understand the way this thing works.”  Taylor tried to intervene.  
“Forty dollars.”  Jess offered, paying no attention to Taylor.  
“Fifty dollars.”  Dean countered.  
“Excuse me, have either of you noticed how tiny this thing is?”  Taylor asked them.  
Jess continued to ignore him.  “Seventy-five.”    
“Uh oh. Dean's hesitating.”  Lorelai said to Rory, who was now struggling to breathe.  Sure enough, Dean was looking at her with panic in his eyes.  This was completely out of control.  
“Eighty.”  He finally said.  
“He does not have eighty dollars to spend on that basket!”  Rory could hear the panic in her own voice.  She felt like everyone was staring at her and she wanted to disappear.

“You know, I don’t think he'll have to.”  Lorelai said, squeezing Rory’s hand for support.  
“Eighty? Eighty dollars?”  Taylor’s voice went on in surprise.  No one had ever paid that much for a basket.  
“Ninety.”  said Jess.  
“Ninety dollars, is that correct?”  Taylor sounded mystified.  Dean sat down looking livid.  Rory was beside herself.  How had she let this happen?  
“Okay, we've got ninety going once, ninety dollars going twice. . . sold to the nice young lady in the back for ninety dollars.”  
“I'm trying to think, uh, in what scenario this situation could be construed as positive.”  Lorelai said as she and Rory quickly escaped.  
“Well…”  Rory’s brain felt mired in fog, she couldn’t think let alone speak.

“Well, no one's head's on fire.”  Lorelai joked.

“I better go talk to Dean.”  Rory said, feeling heavy like she was sinking in quicksand.  
“Do you want some help?”  Lorelai offered.  
“No, it's okay. I’m just officially not a fan of unpredictability.”  
“I totally understand. Good luck.”  
  
She approached Dean slowly, having no idea what she was going to say.  The look on his face was completely unreadable.  
“Did you plan this, the two of you?”  He rounded on her.  “Was this supposed to be funny?  Or was this somehow part of your plan to get me to like Jess.  If it was, you were way off.”   
“No!  I had no idea she was going to bid on the stupid basket.”  Rory exclaimed.  
“Why would she do this?”  
“Maybe she was hungry?”  Rory’s attempt at humor fell flat.  
Jess approached them carrying the basket Rory had packed.

“I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasn’t half bad.”  She said.

Dean glared at her and Rory stared at her feet, unable to look at either of them.  
“So shall we?”  Jess asked Rory.  
“Shall we what?”  Dean spoke slowly, his voice low.  
“Go eat.”  She answered him, still looking at Rory.  
“Excuse me?”  Dean demanded.  
She looked at him with raised eyebrows.  “The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch.”  She held up her hand with the basket in it.  “Basket.” She then gestured to Rory, “basket maker,” and finally she pointed at Dean, “guy who didn’t bring enough money.”    
“You think this is funny.”  He stated, now visibly fuming.    
“Well, it’s no Lenny Bruce routine but it has its moments.”  
“You know the girls are supposed to make the baskets, not bid on them.”  He told her scathingly.    
“Really?”  Jess blinked.  “I didn’t realize this was 1950.”  
“Why don’t you just get out of here Jess!”  
“Oh I will, as soon as Rory is ready.”  
“She’s not going with you.”  
“is that true?”  Jess asked Rory.  
“Yes, it’s true.”  Dean answered.  
“Excuse me Edgar Bergen, I think I’d like Charlie McCarthy to answer now.”

Rory opened her mouth but no sound came out.

“Shut up.”  Dean told Jess.  
This was getting ugly.  “Dean,”  Rory finally managed to say.  
“What?”  He snapped.

“Well…”  She trailed off, not knowing what to say.  
“Are you serious right now?!”  
“It’s tradition.”  Rory squeaked, knowing how ridiculous an excuse that was.  
“Nothing about this is traditional.  Buck tradition.”  
“Are you kidding?”  Rory was finding her voice now. “Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I was sick and I couldn’t go to the turkey-calling contest?”  
“This isn’t school, you’re not getting graded.”  
“Just please don’t make this into a big thing.”  She was desperately trying to figure out a way that she could have this picnic with Jess and not have Dean hating her for it.  
“Don’t go.”  Dean begged her, his voice soft now.  He looked deep into her eyes, and when she looked back into his something clicked.   _He knew_.  Somehow he knew there was something going on between her and Jess.  
“Look, Dean, it’s a picnic, it’s lunch. We’ll sit, we’ll eat, it’s over.”  She tried to sound casual.  
“No.”  He answered.  
“What do you think’s gonna happen?”  She challenged, fearing the answer as soon as she asked.  
“Yeah, I think I’d like to hear this one also.”  Jess chimed in.  
“I just don’t want you to go.”  Dean repeated.  
“Dean-”  
“Fine, forget it, go!”  He threw up his hands and walked away.  
Rory ran after him, trying to keep up with his long strides.  “Please don’t walk away like that.”  She called.  
“Sorry, I’d do a silly walk but I’m not feeling very John Cleese right now.”  But he stopped and waited for her to catch up.  
“Dean, I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”  She told him honestly.  
“Oh really?  Well you’re doing it right now.”  He walked away again and this time she didn’t follow.  
  
Rory stood in the spot where he left her, feeling horrible and ashamed of the way she had treated Dean.  Why couldn’t she have just been honest with him earlier?  Now everything was a mess.  Jess approached her quietly, looking remorseful.

“Are you going after him?”  She asked.

“Not right now.”  She answered.

“So then...shall we?”  Jess sounded unsure of herself for the first time since Rory had met her.  She nodded assent.

“Alright, let’s go.”  Rory was feeling even less enthusiastic about this picnic than before it had begun.  She wasn’t even sure why she had been so insistent on following through with it after Jess won the bid.  She should have just left with Dean and saved both of them all this heartache.

“So where do you wanna eat?”  Jess asked her as they walked.

“Don’t care.”  Rory pouted.

“Okay then.”  She quickened her pace, getting ahead of Rory a little.

“Where are you going?”  Rory asked.

“Thought you didn’t care.”  Jess retorted.  She led them toward the little footbridge that crossed over the lake.

“I’m not jumping in the lake,”  Rory advised.

“No underwater dining, got it.”  her remorse seemed to have been short-lived.  They walked about halfway across the bridge and then she stopped.

“Now what?”  Rory asked, feeling annoyed.

“Now we sit.”  Jess answered, folding her legs until she was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bridge.

“On the bridge, that’s where we’re gonna eat?”  Rory could hear the petulant tone in her voice but couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Yup,” Jess answered in her usual unflappable manner, pretending not to notice Rory’s foul mood.  “I like this place.  Right over there is where Luke pushed me in the first week I was here.”  She pointed back over Rory’s shoulder.

“Wow, a place in Stars Hollow you actually like, I’m stunned.”  Rory’s sarcasm was bitter but she sat down on the bridge facing Jess anyways.  “So why’d you do it?”  She asked after a moment.

“Do what?”

“Outbid Dean like that.”  It was the one thing Rory had been wondering this whole time. 

“I don’t know.”  Jess looked out over the lake.  “I guess it started as a joke but then he just got so mad, you know?  And he’s so tall, and I was just looking at him and he’s standing there all tall and mad and I just...I don’t know, it was just really funny.”

“It wasn’t funny.”  Rory told her seriously.  “I really didn’t want to fight with Dean.”

“I’m sorry about that,”  Jess replied, sounding sincere.  “You wanna push me in the lake?  It’s cathartic, I hear.”

“Hm, maybe in a little while.”  Rory answered, her lip twitching a little like she wanted to smile.

“Okay.  So why don’t we open this thing?”  Jess picked up the accursed picnic basket.

“Go ahead.”  

Jess lifted one flap and peered inside.  She rummaged around before choosing an item in an unmarked tub.  She held it up to Rory, skeptical.

“Dean would’ve eaten this?”  She crinkled her nose.

“Of course.”  Rory answered.

Jess very deliberately took a fork and scooped a large bite of the mystery food into her mouth.  She made a disgusted face as soon as she tasted it.

“Dean is an idiot!”  She cried with her mouth full.

“Dean never would’ve fallen for that,”  Rory laughed.

“Alright I deserved that,”  Jess laughed with her.  She rummaged around in the picnic basket some more, finally removing an object that was not food.  “Oh ho, what have we here!”  She exclaimed, holding the book up to read the title.  “Oh, now this is even more disturbing than whatever was in that container.”  She clucked her tongue in mock reproach.

“Give that back!”  Rory snatched the book out of her hand.  “ _ Atlas Shrugged _ is classic!”

“Yeah, if you’re a political nutjob!”  

“Okay I acknowledge that her politics are a little-”

“Capitalist extremist?  Insane?”

“True, but nobody could write a sixty page monologue like she could.”

“I’ll confess I never made it through it.”

“Really?”

“Sixty pages of the mysterious John Galt waxing philosophic about how everyone with real skills should take their goods and run before society can suck them dry?  Spare me.”

“So you’re telling me you can’t look past her slightly delusional notions and appreciate the literary quality of this book?  Sounds a little like confirmation bias to me.”  Rory challenged.

Jess pressed her lips together.  “Fine.  I’ll agree to give this monstrosity one more chance.”  She tucked the book into her back pocket.  “But only if you promise to read Gertrude Stein.”

“Stein?  Really?”  Rory groaned.

“Her short stories were much better than  _ The Autobiography _ , trust me.”

“Alright, I trust you.  It’s a deal.”

They were silent for a moment.  

“So why’d you bring a book on your picnic anyway?”  Jess asked her finally.  “Afraid you were going to get bored?”

“No, I just always like to have a book with me.”

Jess nodded.  “I get that.”

Again the silence stretched on between them.  Rory was working herself up to asking the question that had been burning inside her since she and Jess first met.  She looked at her feet, still crossed in front of her, and fiddled with the hem of her jeans nervously.

“Jess?”  She started, not looking up.

“Hmm?”

“Why are you only nice to me?”

“Excuse me?”  Jess was back on the defensive.

“You’re rude to everyone- my mom, Luke.  An hour ago you were verbally sparring with Dean.  But now you’re totally nice to me.”  Rory said in a rush before she could lose her nerve.  She had to know if Jess felt the same way she did.

“You see, the sparring with Dean, that’s an important step to getting here to be nice to you.”  She answered.  Rory felt her heartbeat speed up.  That was almost a confirmation that she felt something for Rory, and definitely that she wanted to spend time with her.

“So it was a plan,”  Rory pressed.

“What was?”

“The whole bidding on my basket.  You planned it.”

“Okay, I’m officially starving.”  Jess put the mystery food container back in the picnic basket and closed it.

“And officially evasive.” 

“Come on, I’ll get you a pizza.”  Jess offered, standing up.

“Answer my question.”  Rory looked up at her.

“Do you like pepperoni?”

“Not going to, are you.”  Rory stood as well.

“We can just get pepperoni on half if you want.”

“Fine I give, let’s go.”  Rory walked purposely away, frustrated.  Jess always made everything difficult.  It had been so easy with Dean.  He had just kept asking her out until finally she said yes.  But Jess...Rory didn’t think public humiliation boded well as a precursor to a first date, if that’s even what this was.

“Hey, wait up!”  Jess called.  She was collecting the picnic basket.  “You dropped this.”  She said when she caught up to Rory where she waited, holding out her hand.  In it she held Rory’s bracelet. 

“Oh, thanks.”  Rory said, reaching for it.

“Allow me,”  Jess gently wound the leather band around Rory’s wrist and clasped it.  Her fingers brushed against her skin.  Rory felt heat race up her arm and she trembled, feeling lightheaded.  She took a deep breath to steady herself, and together they walked off the bridge.  She didn’t know if Jess had felt anything at their touch, but she was determined to find out.


	8. Our Mutual Friend

Rory bounced in the door after her pizza date with Jess feeling exuberant.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun.  Her mom was sitting on the couch reading a magazine when she got in.

“Oh, hey. Where’ve you been? I thought maybe Taylor auctioned you off to the highest bidder.”  She said as Rory hung up her jacket.  
“No, I just went to get some pizza and I, uh, wandered around the bookstore for a little while. Here.”  She handed her mom a book.  
“What’s this?”  Lorelai asked, surprised.  
“You said you wanted to read the Children’s Hour.”  
“I did?  
“The other night when we were watching Julia, and Jane Fonda was playing Lillian Hellman.”  
“Oh yeah, and I made the Hellmann’s mayonnaise joke.”  Lorelai laughed.  
“Which no one ever needs to hear again.”  
“Right, right. Well, thanks.”  
“You’re welcome.”  
“So who were you with?”  
“What?”  Rory was suddenly on high alert.  
“Pizza, book buying - did you have company?”  
“Oh, yeah.”  She answered cautiously.  
“Who?”

“Um, Jess.”  Rory was quickly losing her good mood and she wasn’t ready for it to end.  “So, I’ll be in my room.”  
“Okay, good.”  Her mom answered.  Rory thought that was the end of it until she heard Lorelai follow her into her room.  
“So how was the picnic?”  She asked.  
“Fine.”

“Good. Did you get the Dean issue resolved?”

Rory groaned inwardly.  She had put Dean to the back of her mind and now everything she’d done to him came rushing back.  “Not yet,” she answered glumly, knowing she definitely had to talk to him now.    
“So, how was it with Jess?”  Lorelai asked next.  
“Fine.”  Rory was so not ready to have this conversation with her mom yet.  
“Well obviously, with the pizza and the books. So good, that’s. . .I’m glad.”  Lorelai was obviously frustrated.  She never had to work this hard to get Rory to talk to her.  
“You look like you have something to say.”  Rory said, knowing there’d be no getting rid of her until she said her piece.  
“I have nothing to say. I never have anything to say.”  
“Yes, that is your reputation.”  Rory tried to dispel the awkwardness that was filling up her room.  
“It’s. . .I don’t know. I’m just surprised that you’re hanging out with her, that’s all.  
“Why?”  
“She doesn’t seem like the nicest kid.”  
“Well, you don’t know her.”  
“No, I guess not.”  
“You’re just judging her by that one time that she came over here.”  
“Which, by the way, was not a rousing success.”  
“She had just moved here. She was mad at her mom. Trust me, she’s got a really good side to her. You’ll see it eventually.”  
“Good, I can’t wait.”  Lorelai sounded doubtful.  
“Mom.”  
“No, well, I’m sorry. It’s. . I just, uh, I don’t know. From the things I’ve seen and the things I hear. . .”  
“Like what things?”  Rory bristled.  
“The vandalism, the stealing, the cutting school, the fighting.  I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”  
“Jess isn’t going to hurt me.”  
“You don’t know that, hon. In the short amount of time she’s been here, she’s managed to make a lot of enemies.”  
“I’m sorry, when did I move to Salem?”  Rory snapped.  
“People are concerned about you, you know? You’re young and naïve and you think that everyone has some good inside if you give them a chance.”  
“So you’re saying that Jess is no good?”  
“No, of course not.  But girls like Jess get into trouble which, if you hang out with them, gets you into trouble and I don’t want you to get into trouble.  I’ve been there, okay? You haven’t.”  
“Been where? I mean, we got pizza, we looked at some books. God, I can’t even believe that I’m having this conversation with you. I mean, with you of all people. I mean. . . I don’t even want to talk about this anymore.”  
“Rory.”  
“No, I’m going for a walk.”  She stomped out of her room and out the kitchen door, letting it slam behind her.  

The fresh air helped to clear her mind a little.  She had known her mom wouldn’t approve of Jess but she hadn’t realized just how strongly she felt about it.  She felt lost without the one person she always looked to for advice and comfort.

 

* * *

 

Rory spent the week avoiding both Dean and her mom.  The irony was not lost on her.  The only thing that kept her going was the little scrap of napkin from the pizza parlor that Jess had scribbled her phone number on.  She kept it in her wallet, and had taken it out to look at it so many times it was getting worn thin.  Rory wasn’t worried, she knew it by heart now.

But that night at her grandmother’s house, Rory was forced to sit across from Lorelai at the dinner table.  She was doing her best to act like nothing was wrong.

“A cigar club!”  Emily was saying.  “Can you imagine a more disgusting organization to join? Your grandfather now pays money to sit in an enclosed room with a bunch of other men and blow smoke in each other’s faces. Twice a week he comes home smelling like a flophouse. So I finally just confronted him. I said, ‘Richard, I know you’re going through a transitional period here and I encourage your trying out new things, but this seems completely out of character for you.’”  She paused, waiting for Lorelai or Rory to comment.  They were both staring at their plates pushing little bits of food around.  “I’m sorry, am I boring you?”  She asked.  
“No, you’re not.”  Lorelai answered.  
“Sorry Grandma.”  Rory mumbled.  
“So how are things at the inn?”  Emily asked Lorelai.  
“Fine, the same.”   
“And Rory, how’s that boyfriend of yours?”  
Rory almost knocked her drink onto the floor.  Leave it to her grandma to choose tonight of all nights to finally ask about Dean.  
“So mom,”  Lorelai jumped in, coming to Rory’s rescue.  Rory shot her an appreciative look. “Besides being married to Tom Selleck, anything new with you?  
“No, nothing. It’s been pretty quiet around the house lately.”

They all lapsed back into silence.  
“Sometimes quiet can be nice.”  Emily continued.  “Soothing. You can hear yourself think.”  No one answered.  “All right, what’s going on with you two?”  She demanded.  
“Nothing.”  Lorelai insisted.  
“It’s not nothing. You’ve both been sitting here all night, not saying a word and not even looking at each other. Are you in a fight?”  
“I’m not.”  Lorelai stressed.  
“Please!”  Rory cried.  
“Please what? You are the one who’s been freezing me out all week.”  
“I just haven’t had anything to say.”  Rory looked down as her pager started beeping.  She checked the number and her heart stopped.  It was Jess.  
“Who is it?”  Lorelai demanded.  
“No one.”  Rory glared at her.  
“Why won’t you tell me who?”

“Because it’s none of your business.”  Rory snapped.  
“Is it Jess?”  
“Jess, who’s Jess?”  Emily asked, and Rory shuddered at the thought of explaining Jess to her grandmother.  
“Why would you automatically assume that it’s Jess?” she asked her mom.  
“Because why won’t you tell me who it is?”  
“Who’s Jess?”  Emily asked again.  
“Luke’s niece.”  Lorelai finally answered her before turning back to Rory.  “You know, all week you’ve been - “  
“We are not getting into this again.”  The last thing she wanted to do was talk about this in front of her grandmother.  
“What?”  Emily asked.  “Getting into what? Is it about this Jess, the thing you’re not getting into again?”  
“You know, you never liked Dean at the beginning.”  Rory reminded her mom, in spite of not wanting to talk about it.  
“That’s because I didn’t know him.”  
“And now you don’t like Jess?”  
“That’s because I know her.”  
“Rory, if your mother thinks this girl isn’t appropriate company for you then you need to listen to her.”  Emily joined in.  
“There, thank you Mom.”  
“Excuse me, I don’t feel very hungry right now.” Rory got up from the table and stomped off to her grandfather’s study.  She sat down at his desk and immediately noticed the phone sitting in front of her.  She really wanted to call Jess back, but couldn’t risk it while she was here.  Her fingers hovered over the buttons and she had to force herself not to dial the number she had been memorizing all week.  She dialed Lane instead.

“Kim’s Antiques, we’re closed, call tomorrow.”  Mrs. Kim answered.

“Mrs. Kim, it’s Rory.”  
“It’s after nine.”  
“I know.”  
“Lane can’t talk after nine.  She needs to call you tomorrow.”  
“Oh, okay. Um, thanks anyhow.”  
“Yes, goodbye.”

Rory slumped back in the chair and stared morosely at the phone.  After a while she pulled a book out of her bag and started reading, but she wasn’t really seeing the words in front of her.

After a while there came a knock at the door.  

“Hey, can I come in?”  Lorelai poked her head in.

“It’s not my house, I can’t stop you.” Rory answered without looking up from her book.

“Just listen to me for one second okay? No sighing, just let me talk.”  
“Go ahead.”  
“I don’t wanna lock you up and throw away the key.”  
“Well good.”  Rory looked at her, confused.

“Your judgment means something, especially to me. I can’t be your eyes and your ears and your brain.”  
“I’m trying really hard to connect the dots here.”    
“I got spooked.”  Lorelai apologized. “I know it violates the fabulous cool mom clause we’re supposed to have going but I did and I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.”  
“Now, I’m still concerned about Jess.”  
Rory stiffened.  “Well, you shouldn’t be.”  
“But I am. However, you are a smart girl, you’re a good judge of character, and the fact that she seems to like you gives her a couple of brownie points. You’re not a little kid. I don’t actually think you ever were a little kid.”  
Rory smiled at that.  “I was, for about a month.”  
“If you think she’s a decent girl, I have to respect your judgment.”  
“Thank you.”  Rory was pleasantly surprised.  
“But I’m asking you to be careful.”  
“I will.” she agreed.  
“Really careful.  Like,‘Boy in the plastic bubble’ kind of careful.”  
“I promise.”  
“So, fight over?”  Lorelai asked.  
“Fight over.”  It felt like they’d been doing this too frequently lately.  
“Good.”  
“You still don’t look okay.”  Rory told her mom.  
“Oh, well, my mother agreed with me tonight.”  She groaned.  
“I’m so sorry.”  Rory commiserated sincerely.  
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”  
  


Rory felt antsy the entire drive home.  She listened to her mom chatting happily away, but her mind was vacillating rapidly between guilt about Dean and excitement about Jess.  It had gotten to where she thought she couldn’t feel one without the other.  Logically she knew she needed to clear everything up with Dean before she could move forward with Jess, but it just wasn’t easy.  She had never been good at confrontations.   

“I need a shower.”  Lorelai was saying as they walked into their house.  
“Don’t be so dramatic.”  Rory told her.  
“‘I agree with you a hundred percent.’” She mimicked Emily’s voice. “Ugh!”  
“Go upstairs.”  Rory urged her.  
“Find a movie, I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay.”  
“‘I agree with you a hundred percent.’ I may have to shave my head also.”  She called as she walked up the stairs.  
“Bye.”  Rory watched her until she was out of sight, then waited to hear the bedroom door close.  She waited a moment longer, then heard the shower start.  She hurried to grab the phone off its cradle and took it into her room, closing the door behind her.  She knew she needed to call Dean and arrange a time to explain everything to him.  She hoped he would hear her out and not hate her for stringing him along.  But before she knew what she was doing she had dialed a new number.  
“Hello?”  Jess’ voice came over the line.  
“Hi.”  Rory said, feeling suddenly self-conscious.  
“Hi.”  Jess replied, her tone softening.  
“What are you doing?”  Rory asked her, not knowing what else to say.  
“Nothing, you?”  
“Nothing.”  
“So...what’s up?”  

Rory could picture Jess’ burning eyes as she asked the question, and she completely lost her composure.  “I . . um, I wanted to. . .”  She stammered.  
“I’m glad you called.”  Jess interjected.  
“Yeah?” She breathed.  
“Yeah.”  
“Why?”  Rory asked, hoping Jess might for once give her some clue as to how she felt about her.  
“Because maybe you can explain what the hell this crazy woman is talking about.”  
Rory’s brow furrowed, then realization hit.  “Atlas Shrugged.”  She guessed.  
“Yes.”  Jess confirmed.  “Your fault, and you will pay.”  The way she said that made Rory’s insides quiver.  
“I promise. Commit to it one more time and if it still is awful for you, I will make it up to you.”  She returned, feeling emboldened.  
“Oh yeah?”  Jess’ voice piqued with interest.  
“Yeah.”  
“Okay. I’m gonna hold you to that.”  Her words sent shivers up and down Rory’s spine and she felt her whole body tingling.  She went to sleep that night with all thoughts of guilt driven from her mind. 


	9. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them Pt. 1

“It still hurts.”  Lorelai complained as they walked to Luke’s.  
“Do you need stitches?”  Rory asked.  
“Probably.”  
“Well, then we should go to a doctor.”  
“No, no doctors. You go into a hospital, you don’t come out again.”  
“Well said, Ida Morgenstern.”  
“I’m starving. I need pancakes.”  
“Can I just ask – .”  
“No.”  
“What on earth you thought you were doing?”

“I thought I was being a self-sufficient woman.”  
“You hate ladders, you hate heights.”  
“We needed our rain gutters cleaned.”  
“Yeah, so hire somebody.”  
“Oh, well, aren’t we suddenly a Rockefeller.”  
“Well, it’s better than you killing yourself.”  
“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just being dramatic. It’s what I do.”  
“No more ladders.”  
“I promise.”  
“Okay.”  
Lorelai paused for a moment, looking closely at her finger. “I think I have gangrene.”  
“You do not.”  
“And vertigo.”  
“Oh boy.”  
“And one leg suddenly feels shorter than the other.”  
“This is gonna be the Vanity Fair paper cut incident all over again, isn’t it?  Leave your bandage alone.”  Rory chastised her mother.  
“Look, it’s turning purple, but a really glowy purple. Look!”  
“No, thanks.”  
“Hm. Maybe our rain gutters are radioactive or made out of some kind of alien metal so that when I cut my hand I got infected with an extraterrestrial substance which is altering my internal makeup. Ugh, maybe I’ll turn into a superhero.”  
“Maybe.”  
“Like, maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and suddenly be able to shower really fast.”  
“We’ll go pick out your cape after breakfast.”  Rory told her as they entered the diner and chose a table.  “Hey Luke.”  She greeted him.  
“Hey Rory.”  He replied, then turned to Lorelai. “Did you ever hire anybody to do that work for you?  The rain gutters.”  
“She _tried_ to do it herself.”  Rory told him.  
“Are you offering?”  Lorelai asked him.  
“No, actually, I was thinking about Jess.”  
Rory’s heart raced.  Jess, at her house?  
“Uh, Jess?” Lorelai was skeptical.  
“Yeah, she’s always looking for a little extra cash. She doesn’t make that much here.”  
“Huh.”   
“I mean, you don’t have to pay her the same as you would someone else, so you save a little, and she keeps busy…”  
“Yeah, well, maybe. Um, I actually have to check with a couple of people I’m supposed to hear from, but if they can’t do it, then sure.”  
“Great, just let me know.”  
“I will.”  
Luke filled their coffee cups and headed back to the counter.  
“So who are all these people you asked to clean out our gutters?”  Rory pounced as soon as Luke was out of earshot.  
“Oh, well, you know.”  Lorelai evaded.  
“I do?”  
“Sh-yeah.”  
“Remind me.”  
“Okay, well, there’s Sid.”  
“Oh, Sid, right.”  
“And then there’s Lou.”  
“Yeah, a good man, Lou.”  
“Oh, and also Moose. That is, if Doris will let him out of the house again, you know, after that incident at Chicky’s bachelor party.”  
Rory glared at her.  “I thought you said you were gonna give Jess a chance.”  
“I am.”  She insisted.  
“Then why don’t you hire her?”  Rory challenged.  
“I’m just not very comfortable with her, Rory.”  
“Well, try and get comfortable.”  
“Well, I just don’t know if I can.”  
“But you said - .”  
“I know what I said, but I can’t help it.”  
“How many times do I have to tell you – .”  
“That I don’t know the real Jess?”  
“You don’t.”  
“Well, fine, I don’t know her, but I’m not too fond of her stand-in.”  
“People are different once you get to know them. If you’ll remember, you weren’t too fond of Luke when you first met him.”  
“That’s not true.”  
“You called him Duke for two years just to make him mad.”  
“And let me tell you, it worked.”  Lorelai grinned.  
“But then you guys talked and eventually, time went by, and now you love him.”  
“Well. . .”  
“I’m just asking you to give Jess that same chance.”  
“Rory, you like her. I don’t have to like her.”  
“Please?”  Rory begged.  
“Can I at least call her Tess for a little while?”  
“So you’ll give her the job?”  
“I’ll give her the job.”  Lorelai agreed.  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome.”  Lorelai narrowed her eyes at her daughter. “Tell me something.”  
“What?”  
“Why is it so important to you that I like her?”  
Rory shifted uncomfortably in her seat.   _Here we go_ , she thought.  “Well, I just think that she’s Luke’s niece and we like Luke and we eat at Luke’s everyday, and we see Jess when we eat there everyday, and that it just might make things nicer if you liked her.”

“And that’s the only reason?”  Lorelai pressed.  
Rory was torn.  She could tell her mom the truth right now and deal with her disapproval.  But she wasn’t even sure yet what the truth was.  Were she and Jess dating?  Maybe it would be better to wait until she knew for sure before she said anything.   
“Yes, that’s the only reason.”  She answered.  
“It’s all about Luke and the diner?”  Lorelai kept pushing.  
“Yes.”  
“It has nothing to do with you?”  
“No.”  Rory felt ill.  She had never outright lied to her mother before.  
“So you and Jess aren’t friends?”  
“Well, yeah, we’re friends.”  That was close enough to the truth to admit out loud.  
“Uh huh.”  Lorelai was obviously still skeptical.  
“I mean, we’re not good friends but we’re friends. We’re friendly. But that doesn’t mean that we’re friends in the traditional Webster’s dictionary definition of friends.”  Rory babbled.  
“Right.”  
“Friendish might be a better term.”  
“Okay, friendish. Got it.”  Her gaze was penetrating and Rory had to look away.  The guilt was back in full force.  Not only was she hurting Dean, now she was lying to her mother.

 

* * *

 

That weekend, Jess was planning to come over and work on the rain gutters.  Rory fidgeted nervously all morning, changing her clothes and fixing her hair.  Finally the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!”  She called, running toward the door and flinging it open.  Jess stood on her porch wearing a simple red T-shirt with the  _ Punk Planet Magazine _ logo on it.  Her long thick hair was pulled back from her face into a ponytail, and the effect was startling.  “Hey.”  Rory said breathlessly.  

“Here,”  Jess tossed her a CD.

Rory blinked in surprise but somehow managed to catch it.  “The Shaggs?”  
“Trust me.”  Jess said, and smiled at her.  
Rory felt like the breath had been knocked out of her.  “Okay.” she agreed dazedly, stepping aside so Jess could enter the house.  She closed the door, giving herself a moment to regain her composure.  “You change your hair?”    
“What?”  Jess asked.  
“Your hair looks different.”  Rory told her.  
“Actually I wear it like this a lot. Why?”  
“Just looks different.”  
“Oh,” she frowned.  “Bad different?”  
“Hey, it has ducks!”  Lorelai called from the living room before Rory could answer.  
“We just got a new alarm clock.”  She explained to Jess.  
“Huh. Bet I know what the lead story in the Stars Hollow Gazette’s gonna be tomorrow.”  Jess drawled.  Rory suddenly got the feeling this wasn’t going to go as well as she’d hoped.  
“Rory, did you hear the ducks ‘cause they’re great.”  Lorelai was saying as she walked over to where they stood in the entryway.  “Oh Jess, you’re here, terrific.”  Her tone changed completely.  “Do you want something to drink? You have good timing ‘cause we shopped yesterday, and in addition to a case of Maybelline Fresh Lash Mascara, I also bought some of that new, uh, freaky Coke with the lemon in it. It’s very addictive.”

They walked into the kitchen and stood there awkwardly.  
“You can sit, you know.”  Rory told Jess.  
“No thanks.”  She declined, but accepted the soda from Lorelai.  
“So, Jess, what’s new?”  Lorelai asked her.  
“Not much.”  Jess answered.

“And how are things at Luke’s?”

“Fine.”

“School?”

“Same.”  
Rory was beside herself.  In all of her efforts to convince her mom to give Jess a chance, she hadn’t once considered that Jess might not cooperate.  The silence stretched on.  
“Okay, well, I guess you should get started.”  Lorelai finally said.  “Um, there’s a ladder right out front and some buckets and gloves and stuff on the porch. You need anything else, just mime it.”  
Rory could hear her mother getting irritated.  “Come on, I’ll show you.”  She told Jess and led her to the kitchen door.  Jess went out first and Rory turned back to Lorelai.  
“I’m trying.”  Lorelai told her.  
“Thank you,”  Rory answered sincerely.  It did mean a lot to her that her mom was trying.  Now she’d just have to get Jess to do the same.  She walked outside purposefully.  

“Question.” She said to Jess, who was looking through the bucket of gear.  
“Yes?”  She asked.  
“You come over. You seem to have a very firm grasp of the English language. You put together several full sentences, even using a couple of words that contain two or more syllables, and then my mother appears and suddenly we need a thought bubble over your head to understand what you’re thinking. Can you tell me why that is?”  
“The verbal thing comes and goes.”  
“I would really appreciate it if you would try to get along with my mom.”  
“I took the Coke.”  
“I know.”  
“Personally, I think it’s a little crazy to put lemon in Coke but I took it anyhow.”  
“Stop it.”  Rory was getting frustrated.  
“Ooh, stern face.”  Jess teased her.  
“Look, I went out on a limb for you trying to get my mom to give you the benefit of the doubt, okay? So I don’t think it would hurt you to try to be nice.”  
“Why?”  
“Why?”  Rory repeated the question, surprised.  
“Yeah, why?”  
“Because she’s my mom and she’s a friend of Luke’s.”  
“So?”  Jess challenged.

“What do you mean, ‘so’?”  
“So just because she’s your mom or Luke’s friend doesn’t mean that I automatically have to get along with her.”  This was starting to sound strangely like the conversation she’d had with her mom.  
“Jess, my mother is a great person. She’s also my best friend in the world, so if you care about me at all, you will take that into consideration and you will be mildly polite to her.”  
Jess smiled a crooked smile and Rory suddenly felt flustered.  Had she assumed too much? She still wasn’t completely sure if Jess was interested in her romantically.  “I don’t mean care care, like care. I mean if you like me at all. . . not like like. I just meant that if. . . if you think of me remotely as the sort of person that you could occasionally stand to talk to then you will try to get along with my mom, that’s all.”  She babbled.  
“Okay.”  Jess agreed.  
“Okay?”  Rory was surprised.  Maybe she really did care.  
“I can’t guarantee that it’ll work, but I’ll try.”  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome.” They stood there looking into each other’s eyes for a moment.  “I should probably get to work.”  Jess finally said.  
“Right.”  Rory shook her head.  “Sorry, go ahead.”  She turned and went back inside, leaving Jess smiling after her.

 

 


	10. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them Pt. 2

  
That night her mom was out late with her grandmother, leaving Rory the house to herself.  She was looking forward to relaxing and eating the Indian food Lorelai never let her order.  
“No, that’s two orders of garlic gnon, three simosas, and a chicken vindiloo. And rice, and the green sauce, and no salad, and”  Rory heard the call waiting beep. “Oh wait, sorry. Can you hold on a sec?”  She took the phone away from her ear and pressed the button.  “Hello?”  
“Hi, this is Phil’s Liquor. I’m supposed to be delivering a keg there tonight.”  Lorelai said in a mock deep voice.  
Rory rolled her eyes.  “Hold on.” She switched back to her original call.  “Hi, sorry. Yeah, that’s it. Forty minutes, great. Bye.”  She disconnected and went back to Lorelai.  “Hey.”  
“Who was that?”  
“Sandeep’s.”  
“Oh, you’re ordering the Indian food?”  
“Yup.”  
“Good, enjoy. Can you burn the house down afterward, ‘cause that’s the only way we’ll get the smell out.”  
“Absolutely. How’s the spa?  
“Tranquil.”

“Really?”  Rory was surprised.  Lorelai had been dreading this outing with her mother.  
“I wasn’t done. Tranquil-izers will be required if I have to spend one more minute with my mother.”  
“Please tell me you’re at least trying to get along with her?”  
“Oh, hey, I’m being a peach.  
“Uh-huh.”  Rory was skeptical.  
“Well, I smell like a peach. Was that the doorbell?”  
“Yeah, I’ll call you later.”  Rory frowned.  It was way too soon for the food she had just ordered.  
“Oh wait, I wanna find out who it is.”  
“The sooner you get back to your evening, the sooner it’ll be over.”  
“Okay, but before you go, can you get out my address book and count how many friends I have? I’ll wait.”  
“Bye.”  
“Mean!”  
Rory hung up and opened the front door.  “Paris?" She cried, surprised to see her. "What -.”  
“I tried to stay home and study by myself but I can't. I don't know what anything means anymore. I mean, I can't even read my own handwriting. What does this say? The person who wrote this should be dressed in a clown suit stuffing bodies under their porch.”  Paris let herself in and sat down on the couch.  Then she looked at Rory.  “You're in your pajamas.”  
“I know.”  Rory answered dryly.  
“This was the big night you had planned – a rendezvous with Mr. Peanut?”  
Rory grimaced.  She had lied to Paris about her plans this weekend to avoid studying with her, and now it was coming back to bite her.  
“Well…”  No point in denying it now.  “My mom is gone and I never get the house all to myself.”  
“You mean you never get to go months on end without seeing your parents, just getting an occasional postcard that doesn’t even have a courtesy "Wish you were here" written on it? That does suck. Don't let me stand in your way.”  Paris snapped, grabbing her backpack and stomping toward the door.  
Rory immediately felt bad.  “Paris, wait.”  
“No, forget it, I don't want to get in the way of your big night. I hear there's gonna be some hot knitting going on later.”  
“Fine, I'll study with you.”  Rory offered grudgingly.  
Paris stopped at the door, looking suddenly hopeful.  “You will?”  
“For one hour, that’s it. We can do a quick review and a pop quiz and then you are going home. Deal?”  
“Deal.”  
“Okay, so, go sit on the couch. I’ll be out in the minute.”  
“Where are you going?”  
“I’m going to go change.”  
“Okay, but my hour doesn’t start until you get back out here, right?”

 

An hour later they had made it through all the material that would be covered on their biology test on Monday.

“So, given that those are the reactions occurring in the two half-cells, what do you do next?”  Rory asked Paris.  
“Well, if we add them together, doubling the coefficients of the silver half equation but not the voltage, we get the equation for the complete reaction.”  She answered correctly.  
“See, you’re in much better shape than you wanna think you are.”  Rory closed the book.  
“Impossible!”  Paris disagreed as the doorbell rang.   “That’s my food.  Do you want some?”  She called over her shoulder a she opened the door.  When she turned around it wasn’t the delivery from Sandeep’s, it was Jess holding a box full of food from Luke’s.  
“Delivery.”  She said with a smirk.  
“What are you doing here?”  Rory was mentally praising fate that she was not still in her pajamas.  
“Well, Luke figured since you’re alone tonight that maybe you wouldn’t have any food in the house, so he sent over a care package.”  Jess explained.  
“I don’t need a care package. I ordered food from Sandeep’s.”  
“Really? Planning on burning down the house afterwards?”  
“Jess.”  
“The only way to kill the smell. Where should I put this?”  She walked in and started toward the kitchen.  As she passed, the smell of the food enticed Rory to follow.  
“God, how much food is in there? This could feed twelve.”  Rory exclaimed as she looked into the box that Jess sat on the table.  
“Excuse me, I’ve seen you eat.”  Jess quipped.  
“Fine, six.”  Rory acknowledged.  
“Yeah, well, he wanted you taken care of. He wasn’t sure how long your mom was gonna be gone for.”  
“Just tonight.”  Rory was feeling bewildered.  It wasn’t like she’d never been on her own before.  
“Oh, he didn’t know that.”  
“Well, now you can tell him.”  Rory grumbled, wondering where Luke’s sudden concern was coming from.  
“I will.”  Jess agreed.  “So, aren’t you gonna eat?”  
“Eventually.”  She was distracted, staring at Jess’ mischievous face.  
“It gets cold fast.”  Jess advised.  
“I can heat it up.”  
“Reheated French fries really suck.”  
“Hm, they do suck.”  Rory frowned.  
“Yeah, so, eat.”  
“You’re still standing there.”  Rory pointed out, wondering what she was waiting for.  
“I know. You didn’t give me a tip.”  
“You want money?”  Rory raised her eyebrows.  
“No,”  Jess grinned.  “I’ll take a fry though.”  
“Okay, yeah, have as much as you want.”  
  
“Okay great.”  Jess unsnapped her jacket and sat down.  
“What are you doing?”  Rory demanded, trying not to notice the way Jess’ hair fell in waves over her shoulder.  
“Getting ready to eat.”  Jess answered.  
“You’re staying?” Rory squeaked.  
“Didn’t you just invite me?”  
“No, I -.”  
“You told me to have all I wanted. That sounded invitation-like.”  Jess’ voice was low and soft, turning Rory’s insides to jelly.  
“You wanna stay here and eat?”  
“Yes, thank you.”

Just then Paris walked in from the living room.  “I can’t find my flashcards.”  She complained.  Rory had momentarily forgotten all about her.  
“I didn’t know you had company.”  Jess frowned.  
“This is Paris. We were just studying.”  Rory explained.  
“Huh.”  Jess grumbled.  
“Is that mac and cheese?”  Paris asked.  
“It sure is.”  Rory told her.  
“I love mac and cheese.”  
“Great.”  Rory was suddenly wishing she had never offered to share her food with Paris.  
“Can I borrow your phone?”  Paris asked.

“Sure, it’s in the hall.”  Rory pointed it out and Paris picked it up, dialed, and started speaking in Portuguese.  
“Interesting.”  Jess said as soon as Paris was out of earshot.  
“What is?”  Rory asked.  
“That as soon as you have a night to yourself you invite a girl over.”

“I’m just being polite. Paris is alone tonight and you yourself just said we have enough food for six.”  
“With me around, it’s down to four.”  
“With Paris around, it’s down to two.”  
“Works out well.”  Jess didn’t sound like it had worked out well at all.  
Paris rejoined them and they sat eating in silence for a moment.  Then the doorbell rang again.  This time Rory was sure it was her Indian food and got up to answer.  They were going to have more food than they could eat, since she’d promised Lorelai not to leave any leftover Sandeep’s in the house.  As she walked back to the kitchen she could hear Jess and Paris arguing.

“A tragic waste of paper.”  Paris was saying.  
“I can’t believe you just said that.”  Jess cried, a copy of _Mexico City Blues_ on the table in front of her.  
“Well, it’s true, the Beat’s writing was completely self-indulgent. I have one word for Jack Kerouac – edit.”    
“It was not self-indulgent. The Beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up.”

“They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime.”  Paris countered as Rory joined them.  
“Well, then you can say that they exposed you to a world you wouldn’t have otherwise known. Isn’t that what great writing’s all about?”  Rory told Paris with a sideways smile at Jess.  
“That was not great writing. That was the National Enquirer of the fifties.”  Paris said.  
“You’re cracked.”  Jess was shaking her head.  
“Typical poetry-reader. Worship Kerouac and Bukowski, God forbid you’d pick up anything by Jane Austen.”  
“Hey, I’ve read Jane Austen.”  Jess defended.  
“You have?”  Paris sounded shocked.  
“Yeah, and I think she would’ve liked Bukowski.”  Jess grabbed the salt and pepper, pouring them together into a dish.  
“What are you doing?”  Paris demanded.

“Salt and pepper dip. Only way to eat a fry.”  
“Really?”  Paris was intrigued.  
“It’s fast food gospel.”  Rory added, suddenly feeling like a third wheel and not liking it.  
Paris dipped a fry into the mixture.  “Mm. That’s good. That’s really, really good.”  She smiled at Jess.  Rory glared at her as the phone started ringing.  
“You like hot sauce?”  Jess asked Paris, and Rory almost let the phone go to the answering machine rather than leave the room.  
“I don’t know. Should I?”  Paris wondered.  
“I think it’s wise.”  Jess nodded.

Rory grabbed the phone, craning her head down the hall and trying to hear what they were saying.  
“Hello?”  She said into the receiver, annoyed.  
“Hey.”  Dean’s voice came over the line.  Rory started.  She had forgotten to check the caller ID before she answered.  
“Oh, hey.”  She stuttered.  “Um, how are you?”  
“I’m on my way to see you – if that’s okay?”  He asked.  
“Um, well -”  Rory was panicked.  
“I just wanna say hi.  I miss you.”  
“We just said hi.”  Rory snapped, then instantly regretted it.  Dean hadn’t done anything wrong.  “I miss you too, but –”  
“But what?”  Dean asked, sounding upset.  
“But. . .I need to study.”  She lied.  “I have this biology test on Monday and I’m kinda freaking out about it.”  
“Okay.”  Dean sounded deflated.  
“I’ll call you soon,”  She wanted to add ‘I promise’, but felt that one lie was enough for tonight.

“Fine.”  Dean hung up, and Rory stood there feeling horrible.  She just kept hurting him over and over and didn’t know how to stop.  Then she noticed the clock on the wall and a fresh wave of panic swept over her.  Lorelai was on her way home.  The last thing she wanted to deal with right now was her mother and Jess and their awkwardness.  Plus she was definitely not in the mood to listen to Paris and Jess banter.  She stalked back into the kitchen.  
“I can’t get into poetry.”  Paris was saying.  “It’s kind of like, geez, just say it already, we’re dying here.”  
“Wow, you know, I just noticed the time, and it’s getting really late.”  Rory told them.  
“It’s only seven o’clock.”  Jess said.  
“I know, but Paris and I still have a lot more studying to do. Jess, please thank Luke for me. It was really nice of him.”  
“Who was on the phone?”  Jess asked her pointedly.  
“No one.”  Rory frowned.  
“How’s Dean by the way?  I haven’t seen him around in a while.”  
“Jess.”  
“What’s going on?”  Paris asked.  
“Nothing.”  Rory snapped.  
“You really want me to go?”  Jess asked softly, her eyes darkening.  
“I really want to get back to studying.”  Rory answered.  Another lie.  
“Okay, I’m going.”  Jess agreed.  
“Thank you.”  Rory said.  
Jess stood up and grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair.  She pretended to trip as she walked around the table.  “Ow!”  
“What?”  Rory rolled her eyes.  
“Ooh! I just twisted my ankle. I better go lie down.”  Jess was hopping on one leg now.  
“Jess!”  Rory groaned.  
“God, you’re no fun when you’re tense.”  Jess complained.    
“Bye!”  Rory pushed her out the front door and closed it behind, heaving a sigh of relief.  She hoped she wouldn’t have any more unexpected visitors for a long time.  

 

The next morning she had breakfast with her mom at Luke’s.  Jess was working the counter and Rory had trouble paying attention to anything Lorelai was saying.

“Okay, I gotta get to the inn.”  Lorelai said, finally giving up on any attempt at conversation.  “See you tonight?”  
“Well, I’m probably gonna have dinner with Dean, so. . .”  Rory told her.  
“I’ll have the house to myself tonight. Life’s funny, isn’t it?”  Rory had told her about her unexpected guests the night before.  
“I simply cannot stop laughing.”  Rory drawled.  “I’ll get the check.”  
“Thanks hon.”  
Rory walked up to the counter.  “Hey Luke.”  She greeted him.  Jess stood behind him, leaning against the counter and grinning at her.  “I just wanted to thank you.”  
“Yeah, for what?”  Luke asked, confused.  Jess’ smile immediately vanished.  
“For the care package last night. It was really sweet of you.”  She reminded him.  
“What care package?”  
“Hey Luke, I think we’re out of coffee again.”  Jess interrupted quickly.  Luke walked away to check to machine.

“Huh, interesting.”  Rory said to Jess after Luke left.  She was starting to get an idea of what was going on.  
“Hey, you wanna pay?”  Jess asked her.  
“I don’t think Luke knew anything about the food last night.”  
“That’ll be twelve-fifty.”  Jess ignored her comment.  
“Which means you lied about why you came over.”  Rory handed Jess some cash.  
“I don’t have any quarters. I’m gonna have to give you nickels.”  Jess said, opening the register and not looking at Rory.  
“Now why would you lie about something like that?”  
“Here’s your change. Come again soon.”  Jess placed the money in Rory’s palm, glancing up at her as she did.  
“You wanted to come over.”  Rory accused her.  
“I have to get back to work.”  
“You’re squirming.”  Rory grinned.  “I’ve never seen you squirm. It’s entertaining.” Rory felt a surge of pleasure at the thought that Jess wanted to spend time with her and had come up with a scheme to do it.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  Rory answered, and they shared a smile that lasted until the next customer came up behind her.


	11. Atonement

Rory walked down main street, heading to the library for their annual sale.  She was browsing through the astronomy section when she glanced up and noticed Jess across the way in the poetry section.  Rory’s heart started beating its familiar staccato.  It was getting easier to be around Jess without undergoing cardiac arrest, but not when she surprised her like that.  Jess grinned at Rory from across the tables, her eyes shining.  Rory smiled back, feeling giddy and weightless.  Jess started silently mimicking the people around her when they weren’t looking, making Rory laugh out loud.  She was shaking with laughter when she turned around and ran right into Dean.

His face was beet red as he glowered at her. 

“Dean!”  Her heart felt like it had been dropped out through her stomach.  

“Rory,” he replied through clenched teeth.

“I’ve been meaning to call you,” she rushed to say.

“Yeah, that’s what you said.  Last week.”

“I’m sorry I’ve just been busy and-”

“Uh huh.  Busy.  Too busy to call your boyfriend back but plenty of time to hang out with Jess.”  He spat her name.  “You know, I tried to ignore this.  I really did.  But I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

“Dean-”

“You’ve been into her ever since she got into town!”  He yelled.  Everyone was staring at them now.  “I have spent weeks trying to convince myself that it wasn’t true, that everything was fine between us, but now I know that I was an idiot.  Everyone can see it Rory, and I’m done.  You’re into her, and she’s into you.  There’s nothing standing in your way now because I’m out.”  With that he stormed off.

Rory stood with her face burning, tears filling her eyes.  She knew she had messed up by not talking to Dean sooner, but seeing the hurt in his eyes was like a knife in her heart.  She had never meant for any of this to happen.

“Rory?”  Jess said quietly from behind her.  

The tears spilled over and she ran, not caring where she went.  

Before she knew it her feet had taken her to the bridge across the lake, where all of this had started.  She sat down in the middle of the bridge where she and Jess had shared a picnic and she cried.  She heard footsteps on the bridge behind her but didn’t turn.

“Dean’s a jerk.”  Jess said.  “Yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everybody. . .the guy’s a total jerk.”  
“No, he’s not.”  Rory sniffed, wiping her face with both hands.  “He’s right. Everything he said. All those things about you and me, all those things about me lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right.”  She felt so much better finally saying it out loud.  

Jess was silent for a long moment.  Rory stood up and turned to face her.

“Well, wasn’t he?”  Rory asked Jess, her voice shaking.  Jess looked up at her from under dark lashes and bit her lower lip nervously. 

“Fine, he was right about me, then!”  Rory snapped.   _Even after all this she still can’t say it._  Rory thought.   _Unless it really was all in my head..._  
“He was right. . . about all of it.”  Jess finally admitted.    
Rory’s heart soared, pulling her up out of the well of guilt she was mired in.  All that mattered in this moment was the girl standing in front of her.

“So... what now?”  Rory asker her, her voice barely above a whisper.  
“You’re definitely broken up with Dean?”  Jess asked.  
“Yeah, I’m definitely broken up with Dean.”  Rory answered.

Jess took a small step forward.  Slowly, keeping her eyes locked on Rory’s, she reached out and took Rory’s hand in hers.  She intertwined their fingers, lightly tracing circles against Rory’s palm with her thumb.

Rory felt a fire blaze to life inside her so fierce she thought it could never be contained.  She could feel Jess’ hand trembling in hers.  Jess looked deep into her eyes, letting Rory see the fear in them.  But underneath the fear was something new, a desire that burned as brightly as her own.  Suddenly what little distance there was between them was too much.  With her free hand, Rory pulled Jess close and kissed her deeply.  Jess returned the kiss passionately, keeping hold of Rory’s hand with hers and winding the other into Rory’s long auburn hair.  

Rory felt the earth spinning around her and she let the sensation carry her to new heights until she couldn’t catch her breath.  They broke apart, gasping.

“Oh my god,”  Rory pressed her forehead against Jess’, unwilling to let go. 

“Well,”  Jess breathed.  “Whatever else happens between us at least we know that part works.”

Rory almost laughed at that.  If only Jess knew how thrilled she was that it had in fact worked, as she said.  She would never be able to face another situation like what had happened with Dean.   _ Dean. _  The thought of him, his hurt and his anger, brought Rory back down from the high she’d been riding while kissing Jess.  She had to do something, and she had to do it right now.

“I have to go.”  She told Jess sadly, wanting to stay there on that bridge forever.  
“What? Did I do something or –” Jess sounded worried.  
“No, no. This was. . . you were – are. . .it was wonderful, and I look forward to many similar occurrences in the future, but right now, I have to go.”  She looked into Jess’ eyes, pleading.  “Understand?”  
“Not at all.”  Jess shook her head, but her lips curved up into a smirk.  
“It’s more fun that way, isn’t it?”  Rory grinned back.  
“Come here.”  This time Jess was the one to close the gap between them, pulling Rory by the hand she still held and tilting her head up to kiss her.  It was a kiss she wouldn’t soon forget.  

“Alright, beat it.”  Jess said playfully, pulling away too soon.  Good thing she had, because any longer and Rory would not have been able to leave.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She promised, and walked off of the bridge and back toward town.

 

She walked all the way down main street and turned on Peach.  The exercise helped to alleviate her nervous energy and the crisp spring air cleared her mind.  She reached Dean’s house and stopped, looking up at his bedroom window through the branches of a huge oak tree.  She could see his light on, and began to climb the tree with determination.  It was easier than she expected.  
She reached his window and tapped lightly.  He looked up, startled, then scowled when he saw her.  He got up and opened the window but didn’t let her in.  
“Hey.”  She said.  
“What are you doing?”  He demanded.  
“I climbed a tree.”  
“Why?”  
“Well, I was afraid to ring the doorbell ‘cause your mom would answer and I assume she knows, so I assume she hates me and I just wanted to talk to you, so. . .”  
“She doesn’t know.”  
“She doesn’t?”  
“I haven’t really been in the mood to talk about it.”  
“But you’re going to have to tell her eventually, so if she did answer the door and was nice to me, then I would’ve known that she was going to be hating me soon, and that just would’ve been really hard because I like your mom. I guess you’re probably gonna tell your sister also, so she’s probably gonna hate me, too.”  
“Well, too bad, Rory. Somebody doesn’t like you for once.”  Dean snapped.  
“I didn’t mean –”  She stopped, knowing she deserved it.  
“What do you want?” he sighed.

“Do you remember that girl Butterfly who lived in a tree for a year? I can officially attest that she was nuts.”  
Dean rolled his eyes.  “I have to go.”  He started to close the window.  
“I wanna say that I’m sorry.”  She spoke quickly before he could close it, and before she lost her nerve yet again.  
“For what?”  He demanded.  
“For treating you the way I did. For doing all the things you said I did. I am so, so sorry. It’s all my fault. You were the most amazing boyfriend in the world. You made me so happy. You made me laugh, you made my mother like you, you were nice to my friends, you protected me, you even came with me to that stupid debutante ball.”  
“I don’t need the list.”  He paused, considering his next words.  “I really did love you.”  He said finally.

“I know.”  An uneasy silence fell between them.  
“You with her now?”  Dean asked, and she could see the pain on his face.  
“I don’t wanna talk about her. I just came to tell you that I’m truly sorry that I hurt you, and that I’m going to miss you so much, and I just hope that someday you won’t hate me anymore.”  
“I hope so, too.”  Dean agreed.

Rory left feeling lighter than she had in a long time.  She didn’t know if Dean would ever forgive her, but she hoped that he would be able to move on.

Now all she had to do was figure out how to tell Lorelai.

 

* * *

 

The lightness she felt after clearing the air with Dean dissipated the closer she got to home.  What was she going to say?  How would her mom react?  The thoughts kept circling around her brain faster and faster.  She plodded up the front steps and stopped in front of the front door, gathering herself.  When she went inside Lorelai was in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge.

“Hey hon!”  She called, her face behind the freezer door.  “Do we want hash browns or tater tots with our nuggets?

“Yes!”  Rory answered, dropping into a chair.  Lorelai opened two frozen packages and dumped them unceremoniously onto a cookie sheet.  After putting it in the oven, she sat down across from Rory.

“So, kissed any girls lately?”  Lorelai asked her without preamble.

Rory stared at her, mouth agape.  “Who-?”

“Babette.  And Miss Patty.  And Gypsy.”

“Gypsy was running the library sale.”  Rory nodded.  Word really did spread quickly in this town.

“But I pretty much had it figured out before then.  I do know you a little.”  Rory smiled at that.  “How are you doing?”  Lorelai asked her, full of concern.  “That must have been awful, with Dean…”

“It was.”  Rory’s face crumpled and her mom pulled her into a hug.  “But I think I managed to smooth things over.  At least, as much as possible considering…”

“Aw, smoothing’s good. I love the smoothing.”  She smoothed Rory’s hair back behind her ear as if to illustrate.  “Are you okay?  I mean, this is kind of a big change.”

“I think so.  I still feel bad for the way I treated Dean, but I told him that, I apologized.”

“And Jess?”  Lorelai asked cautiously.

“We’re good.”  Rory couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she thought about Jess.  “We’re really good.”

“I’m glad.”  Lorelai smiled, but Rory could see that she still had more to say.

“So?”  
“So...what?”  Lorelai evaded.  
“So tell me.  What you think.  About me and Jess.”  Rory both did not want to know and needed the answer at the same time.  
“I didn't love the way I found out, but actually I think it's great.”  
“No you don't.”  Rory challenged.  
“Yes I do. I'm thrilled.”  Lorelai insisted.

“Thrilled?”  Rory was growing more skeptical.  
“Yeah.”  
“You're completely weirded out by this aren't you?”  
“No. You're crazy. I'm perfectly fine with it.”  
“You don't seem fine. You seem the complete opposite of fine.”  
“Well you're projecting that on me because you don't want to think that I'm fine when I am, as I have said, fine.”  
“OK.”  
“Never been finer.”  
“Got it.”  Rory crossed her arms and looked out the window.

Lorelai sighed heavily.  “Listen kid, I don’t have a problem with who you want to date.  Male, female, David Bowie, whatever.”  She gently turned Rory’s face to look her in the eye.  “As long as they’re not a jerk.”  She finished.

“Jess isn’t a jerk!”  Rory argued, then softened.  “Do you really mean it?”  She asked quietly.

“I really do.”  Lorelai confirmed, and hugged her again.  Rory hadn’t realized how much she needed her mom’s support, and hearing her say it broke the wall she had built up between them.  She felt immense relief wash over her and she sobbed into Lorelai’s shoulder.

When she had cried herself out, Lorelai wiped her tears and then piled a plate high with chicken nuggets, tater tots, and hash browns.  They dug in, momentarily silent.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Lorelai asked after they had finished glutting themselves and started in on dessert.  

“I'm so sorry.”  Rory apologized.  “I really wanted to, I swear. I just got scared and --”  
“I know. I'm not mad. I just wanted to hear about it. That's all. It's no big deal. It's OK, I'm fine. It's one too many Caramello bars. I'm sorry. You have school, I have work, so time for bed.”  Lorelai started clearing the table.  
“OK. Night.”  
“Night, hon.”  Lorelai answered as Rory headed to her room.  
When she reached her door, she turned back around.  “Mom?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I know this is lame and totally after the fact but --”  
Lorelai squealed with delight, dropping the dish into the sink and ushering Rory into her bedroom where she sat down on the bed, bouncing in anticipation.

“Start from the beginning and you leave anything out you die!”

And so Rory told her everything, starting from the fated dinner party at their house.  She didn’t leave anything out.


	12. A Streetcar Named Desire

Rory walked arm-in-arm with her mom, a growing sense of dread filling her mind as they neared Doose’s market. She didn’t know if Dean was working today, and she was sure he wouldn’t want to see her if he was.  
“Come on,”  Lorelai told her.  “We have to be really quick, 'cause the video store's gonna close, so stick to our list. No impulse buying like toothpaste or soap.”  She stepped up to the door of the market.  Rory was craning her head and looking through the window.  She spotted Dean stocking shelves and ducked.  
“Rory?”  
“Hey, I think we have enough stuff to eat at home.”  
“Really...where do you live? 'Cause the home I left this morning had nothing.”  
“Well we're ordering pizza. That's enough.”  
“Are you crazy? You can't watch Willy Wonka without massive amounts of junk food! It's not right. I won't allow it. We're going in.”  
Rory stood her ground.

“Rory, it's fine.”  
“It's too weird.”  Rory disagreed.  
Lorelai smiled sympathetically.  “You’re going to have to go back in there sometime.”  
“But does sometime have to be today?”

“Alright, you get the video, I’ll get the snacks.”

“Thanks mom!”  Rory hugged her, then turned to walk the other way.  “Don’t forget Tums!”  She called over her shoulder.  
“You mean amateur pills?”  Lorelai answered.  
“Just in case.”  
“Okay, Tums.”  Lorelai relented.  
Rory crossed the street, and as she walked past the square Jess got up from the park bench where she’d been reading.  
“Hey there.”  Jess greeted her.    
“Hey.”  Rory felt a huge smile spread over her face.  Jess grinned back, then leaned in and kissed her.  Rory’s heart careened around her chest and for a moment she forgot that the rest of the world existed.  Then they paused to catch their breath and reality came rushing back to her.

“Wait,”  She told Jess, who had taken Rory’s hand in hers.  
“What?”  
“Come on.”  She pulled Jess by the hand until they were on the other side of the gazebo.  Then Rory kissed her again.

“What was that?”  Jess asked when they stopped.  
“That was a kiss.”  Rory answered with a small smile, still elated that kissing Jess felt so wonderful.  
“What’s with the relocation before the kiss?”  
“It's too early.”  
“Too early? Too early for what?”  
“For kissing like that.”  
“Is that a town rule, no kissing before noon?”  
“No, it's too early to do this here.”  
“Where, in the square?”  
“In the square, with people watching…”  
“What people?”  
“In front of Doose's.  We shouldn't flaunt it.”  
“But I want to flaunt it.”  
“It doesn't feel right.”  
“It’s not because…”  Jess paused.  “You’re not ashamed to be seen with me, are you?”  Her dark eyes searched Rory’s.

“No!  Of course not.  I just don’t want to hurt Dean any more than I already have.”  
Jess sighed.  “For how long?”  She asked.  
“Until it's comfortable.”  
“Before we're on Social Security?”  
“I promise.”  Rory kissed her again, and Jess swayed a little on her feet.  
“Or,” she started, trying to catch her breath.  “We can wear Three Stooges masks all the time, that way no one will know who we are.”  
“I can be Curly.”  Rory grinned.  
“I’ll be Moe.”  
“This will get better over time,”  Rory told her seriously.  “But until then, let’s just play it cool.”  
“Hey, I’m Sinatra at the Sands.”  
“Now that’s cool.”

 

Jess accompanied her to the video store, and they were just leaving when they ran into Lorelai.  

“Got it!”  Rory told her happily.  
“Score!”  Lorelai cried.  “You know, on the one hand I'm glad it was in but on the other hand what kind of world do we live in where no one has rented Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?”  
“Well we rented it.”  
“Well thank God for us. Oh, hey Jess.”

“Hello.”  Jess answered.  They all stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“Hey, what are you doing tonight?”  Rory asked Jess.  
“Me? Uh, well, I don't know.”  
“Well, do you want to come over? We're ordering pizza.”

“The neighborhood's got a pool going to see who falls into a sugar coma first. I'm the favorite. It might be fun.”  Lorelai added.  
“Uh, well, um...uh.”  
“It's totally casual.”  Rory told her, hopeful.  
“OK, sure.”  Jess finally agreed.  
“Yeah?”  Rory grinned widely.  
“Yeah, what time?”  
“Seven sound good?”  
“Sounds fine.”

Rory left with her mom, a goofy grin still plastered on her face.  She felt sure that the more time her mom spent with Jess, she would start to see how great she really is.  

 

A little after seven the doorbell rang and Rory rushed to answer.

“Hi.”  Jess said, grinning.

Rory felt her heart start doing somersaults as Jess stepped into the entryway.  “So are you hungry?”  Rory asked her.  
“Starving.”  Jess answered with a twinkle in her eye that turned Rory’s insides to mush.  “So...where’s the pizza?”  She asked, clearly enjoying Rory’s momentary inability to speak.  
“The pizza's, uh --”  Rory tried to answer but her brain wasn’t connecting to her mouth.  
“Pizza!”  Lorelai called from the other room.  
“Here, um, I'll take that.”  Jess told Lorelai as the three met up in the hallway.    
“Oh, thanks. Great.”  Lorelai handed her the pizza and Jess headed into the living room. “The coffee table's fine.”  
“Thank God there's good pizza here.”  Jess was saying.  
“Oh, yeah. Now we didn't know what kind you liked so we just got everything.”  
“Everything is fine.”  
“Good, well, while it's hot.”  Lorelai gestured to the pizza and Rory dug in.  Jess soon followed suit.  They got comfortable on the couch and Lorelai started the movie.    
“Oooh -- Oompa Loompas!”  Lorelai cried.  
“My mom has a thing for the Oompa Loompas.”  Rory explained to Jess.  
“I don't think finding them amusing constitutes a thing.”  Lorelai countered.  
“No, but having a recurring dream about marrying one does.”  
“Don't even get me started on your Prince Charming crush, OK? At least my obsessions are alive. You have a thing for a cartoon.”  Lorelai teased her.  
“Ooh, Prince Charming, huh?”  Jess chimed in.  
“It was a long time ago. And not the Cinderella one, the Sleeping Beauty one.”  
“'Cause he could dance.”  Jess agreed.  
“Yeah.”  Rory was surprised.  She had assumed Jess had always been into girls, but had never thought to ask.  
“So, come on, Jess, tell us some of your embarrassing secrets.”  Lorelai prompted.  
“Well, I have no embarrassing secrets.”  
“Oh, please.”  Lorelai scoffed.    
“Lemme guess!  The theme from Ice Castles makes you cry?”  Rory joked.

“Oh, that's a good one.”  Lorelai agreed.  
“Not true!”  Jess insisted.  
“Ok I've got one.”  Lorelai started.  “At the end of The Way We Were, you wanted Robert Redford to dump his wife and kid for Barbra Streisand.”  
“I've never seen The Way We Were.”  Jess answered.  
“Are you kidding?”  Rory asked her.  
“What are you waiting for? Heartache, laughter --”  Lorelai said.  
“Communism.”  Rory added.  
“All in one neat package.”  
“I'll have to experience that sometime.”  Jess replied.  
“Next movie night.”  Lorelai agreed, then got up to pop some popcorn.  
“Bring in the spray cheese!”  Rory called after her.  She was beaming.  This was going really well.

“So, uh, at what point does the outsider get to suggest a movie for movie night?”  Jess asked, leaning toward Rory who was suddenly very aware of how close they were sitting on the couch. 

“Um, that depends.” Rory cleared her throat.  “What movie are you thinking of?”  
“I don't know...Boogie Nights, maybe.”  
“You'll never get that past Lorelai.”  Rory laughed.  
“Not a Marky Mark fan?”  
“She had a bad reaction to Magnolia. She sat there screaming for three hours 'I want my life back!' and then we got kicked out of the theater. It was actually a pretty entertaining day.”  
“Yeah?”  Jess leaned closer and Rory’s heart stuttered.    
“Yeah.”  Rory whispered.  
“I guess I'll have to come up with a different movie then.”  Jess breathed into her ear and Rory felt shivers run down her spine.  
“I guess you will.”  Rory turned her head, her lips searching for Jess’ when she heard the microwave beep.  She straightened up suddenly, not wanting her mom to walk in on them kissing.

“Everything ok?”  Jess asked, the same worry from earlier that day back in her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s just that um...I have that book.”  Rory said a little too loudly as her mom rejoined them.

Jess stared at her blankly.  “The book?”

“Yes,”  Rory nodded significantly back.  “It’s in my room.”

“Great.”

“We could go look at it.”  Rory said pointedly.

Finally understanding lit up Jess’ face..  “Oh!  Look at the book, sure.  We can go in your room and look at the book.”  
The two girls walked down the hall to Rory’s room.  Jess entered, and Rory closed the door quietly behind them.  Seeing Jess in her room again filled her with a new kind of excitement and she felt herself trembling.  Suddenly she wasn’t sure what to do now that her plan to get Jess alone had worked.  She twisted a strand of her hair around her finger nervously.

“Well, here we are.”  Jess said softly.

“Here we are.”  Rory echoed.

“So now what?”  Jess’ eyes were large and dark, pulling Rory into their depths.

“Now…”  She trailed off, unable to speak.

“I think we should get a little closer.”  Jess suggested.  Rory could only nod.  Jess stood in front of her and gently swept Rory’s hair back over her shoulder.  Her fingers grazed along Rory’s neck and she inhaled sharply.  Every touch was like an electric shock.  Jess tilted her face up toward Rory’s and she could feel her breath on her lips.

Then Lorelai burst through the door without knocking.  “Hey, I need help eating this popcorn out here.”  She said loudly.

Rory and Jess jumped apart.  Lorelai eyed her daughter with a look that said  _ time’s up _ .  

“I’ll be right back,”  Rory squeaked, dashing past her mom and into the bathroom.  She leaned against the counter and willed her muscles to stop quivering.  Then she turned and splashed cold water over her face.  That seemed to help.  Finally she felt composed enough and went back out to the living room.

“Yeah, well, Rory’s a perfectionist.”  Lorelai was saying.  Jess had a strange look on her face and Rory wondered what they had been talking about.  They finished the movie in companionable silence.  

When it was over, Rory walked Jess out to the front porch.

“So I thought of an embarrassing secret.”  Jess told her as they leaned against the porch railing.

“Oh yeah?  Spill!”

“But you’ve gotta promise not to mock me ever, and please don’t tell anyone else.”  
“Promise.”

“When I was a kid I got attacked by a swan.” 

“Oh you poor thing!”  Rory wasn’t quite able to keep herself from laughing at the mental picture.

“I was just walking by and the thing came out of nowhere and bam – beaked me right in the eye.”  
“It beaked you?”  Rory giggled.  
“You don’t believe me.”  
“I do, I’ve just never heard anyone use the word beaked as a verb before.”

“No mocking now, you promised.”  Jess reminded her, but she was also starting to laugh.  
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to picture this.  Does it act all peaceful and Bambi-like and then suddenly attack like the rabbit in Monty Python?”  She was shaking with uncontrollable laughter now and Jess joined in.    
“You know, you have the most beautiful smile.”  Jess told her.

“Really?”  Rory was still trying to catch her breath.

“Why do you think I’ve been pulling all those pranks around town?  I’d do anything for that smile.”

Rory kissed her then, long and deep.  She never wanted this night to end. 

“I have to go.”  She whispered regretfully when they parted.  
“Don’t go.”  Jess whispered back, holding her close.  
“I don’t want to.”  Rory didn’t want to be anywhere other than inside Jess’ arms.

“Then don’t. Let’s go somewhere.”  
“My mom’s waiting.”  Rory kissed her again, this time pressing herself against Jess as if she could mold them into one.  When she pulled away the look in Jess’ eyes lit a fire deep inside her.  “Keep thinking what you’re thinking.”  She murmured into Jess’ ear.  
“I don’t have a choice.”  Jess answered, and then Rory felt her lips whisper against her ear.  “Meet me at midnight.”

Jess’ fingers traced down her arm, sending little electric shocks all through her.  Jess gave her hand a squeeze, and then she turned and walked down the steps and out into the darkness.  

Rory stood on the porch a moment longer, letting the sensation of Jess’ touch wash over her.  Then she went back inside.

“Mom, I’m going to bed!”  She called as she walked back to her room.

“‘Night, hon!”  Lorelai called from upstairs.

Rory closed her door behind her and sat down on the bed, staring at her bedroom windows.   _ All you have to do is lift the latch and push _ , she told herself.  

For a moment she couldn’t move.  She had never snuck out before.  But the memory of Jess’ lips on hers and her dark eyes looking into Rory’s started to overpower her fear.  Before she knew what she was doing she had opened the window and crawled out into the night.


	13. Candide

“You what?!”  Lane asked in shock.  
“I slept with Jess last night.”  Rory repeated, pacing back and forth across Lane’s room.  
“Oh, my God!”  
“I know!  I was just going to meet her, you know?  And so I went, and she was there, and she just looked so...and then it just...happened.”  Rory was babbling.    
“Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”  Lane gushed.  “Where?”  
“What?”  
“Where did you do it?”  
“At Miss Patty's.”  
“You did it at Miss Patty's?”  
“Yeah.”  Rory couldn’t help it; a huge grin split her face.   
“She would be so proud.”  Lane grinned back, then dropped her voice to a whisper.  “Okay, I'm sorry, I just have to ask you. How was it?”  
“Why are you whispering?”  
“Because I just think that no matter where she is, my mom can hear this conversation.”  
“It was…”  Rory was having trouble forming any coherent words.  “It was amazing.”   
“Oh, my God.  This is huge.  How are you feeling?”

Rory was feeling so many things it was hard to answer.  “I feel...I feel good.  Great, actually.  Happy.”

The truth was, Rory felt much more than happy.  She felt like she was still floating and she’d never come back down.  She couldn’t wait to see Jess again.

 

Rory left Lane’s house and walked over to Luke’s.  She knew Jess would be working.  When she entered, Jess looked up at her arrival and smiled a slow, sweet smile.  Rory fell into the nearest chair, feeling like her muscles had liquified.  Jess came over with the coffee pot and a mug.

“So,”  she started, her cheek lifted in a crooked grin.  “Last night was fun.”

Rory’s face flushed and her insides quivered.  

“Yeah,” Rory squeaked, then cleared her throat.  “Fun.”

“What was fun?”  Luke asked.

“Movie night with Lorelai.”  Jess answered without missing a beat.  She winked at Rory and moved on to the next table, leaving Rory to struggle to breathe on her own.  She pulled her homework out of her bag, hoping that focusing on something else would help return her heart rate to normal.  It worked, and soon she was absorbed in her assignment.  So much so that she startled when Luke came back to the table.

“So I see you’re studying.”  He commented.  
“Yup.”  She answered.  
“That’s good. Studying is very, very good. What you’re doing right there with the books, very good.”  
“Thank you?”  Rory was wondering what had prompted this sudden praising of her homework practices.  
“Okay, look, I wanted to ask you a favor.” 

“Oh.”  She was very curious now.

“Uh. I was wondering if you could tutor Jess.”  
“What?”  
“She’s not doing too well in school. The principal said he’s not gonna let her graduate unless something changes. I was wondering if you could help.”  
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rory was flummoxed.  “She’s smart enough to pass any subject.”  
“I don’t think it’s her lack of smarts, more like her lack of proximity to the actual classes that’s the problem.”  
“Ah.”  Rory was not surprised.  
“Yes.”  
“Okay, what subject does she need help in?”  
“I’d say all of them, probably.”  Luke chuckled uncomfortably.  He obviously felt responsible.  “Look, I don’t expect you to work miracles and it doesn’t have to be a full time everyday thing. If you could just get her through a couple of her next tests, maybe make the school see that she can do it, that would probably help out a lot.”  
“Sure.”  Rory agreed.  She was looking forward to any excuse to spend more time with Jess, but she had a feeling it was going to be difficult.  
“Great, tonight?”  
“Tonight.”  Rory confirmed.  
“I really appreciate this. Ah, okay, you should get back to your studying, otherwise you’re completely useless to me.  Okay, so I’ll see you guys at dinner probably.”

“Perfect.”  

Luke walked back to the counter.  Jess was nowhere to be seen.  Rory wondered how in the world she was going to convince Jess to take high school seriously.

 

That night she went back to Luke’s armed with a plan.  Lorelai picked a table and they sat eating their dinner.  After a while Jess came down from the apartment.

“Hey, Teach.”  She greeted Rory with a smirk.  Rory tried her best not to appear affected by Jess’ presence.  “Are you guys done eating?”

“Not just yet,”  Lorelai answered.  

“Okay, well, I’ll be right over there when you are.”  She nodded toward the counter.  “I just can’t wait for that learning to begin. Hey, are we gonna do some of those _Schoolhouse Rock_ songs?  ‘Cause they say if you just make learning fun. . . ”  Jess was in full sarcasm mode tonight.  
“I’ll be right there, Jess.”  Rory told her.  

“Well, hurry – a mind is a terrible thing to waste.”   _Why was it she was only ever nice when no one else was around?_ Rory wondered.  
“I’ll be home early.”  She told her mom.  
“Sounds good, bye hon.”  
“Bye.”  
“Bye Jess.”  Lorelai called over her shoulder.  
“Ma’am.”  Jess nodded to her, and to Lorelai's credit she left without launching a sarcastic retort of her own.  
Rory was already feeling her patience wear thin and they hadn’t even started yet.  Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.  “So, are you ready to start?”  She asked, trying to sound upbeat.  
“Yes, I am.”  Jess stood leaning against the counter.  
“Where are your books?”  
“Huh, I don’t know.”  Jess raised her hands in mock wonderment.  
“How are we gonna study without your books?”  Rory’s frustration was mounting.  
“I guess we can’t. Too bad. So, what now – movie?”  Jess grabbed her jacket and started toward the door.  
“Get your books.”  
“The cat ate ‘em.”  
“Alright, I guess I’ll just sit here and read on my own.”  Rory affected an unconcerned attitude and pulled a book out of her bag, making sure the title was right in front of Jess’ eyes.  

“Aw, what is that?”  Jess grabbed for the book.  Rory held it just out of reach.  
“Hmm, I don’t know.  Guess you won’t find out unless you stay here.”

Jess immediately sat down next to her and Rory grinned.

“The Holy Barbarians. I mean, what a title.”  Rory said as if to herself.  “And it’s by a Venice Beach beatnik about Venice Beach beatniks, and to top it off, the beatnik who wrote it is the father of the guy that does those Actor’s Studio interviews on TV.”  
“The guy with the beard?”  Jess asked, fully hooked now.  
“Yeah, the pointy beard."  Rory pointed to the picture on the back cover. "That’s his dad writing at his desk.”  
“Oh, it’s weird that a cool beatnik-y guy would have a conservative son like that.”  
“Maybe he’s not that conservative. Maybe at night, he, like, takes off his clothes and parties.”  
“Aw, man, now get that picture out of my head.”  
“It’s a cool book, you’ve gotta admit.”  
“It is. Thanks.”  
“Oh, I’m not lending it to you until after we study.”  Rory said, blue eyes wide with presumed innocence.  
“Well, why’d you show it to me?”  Jess grumbled.  
“I like showing you the stuff I’m reading.”  
“But you knew I’d wanna read it. You’re a book tease.”  Jess looked at Rory with a glint in her eye.  Rory had to force herself to stay focused.  
“You’ll get it when we’re done.”  She promised.  
“Cruel woman.”  
“So are you going to get your books now?”  
“Fine, back to the salt mines.”  Jess retrieved her books and sat there flipping page after page, all the while staring at Rory seductively.

Rory took a deep breath and kept her eyes down, otherwise they would never get anything done.    
Jess finally gave up trying to catch her eye and pulled a deck of cards out of her back pocket.

“Explain to me the political ramifications of the Marshall Plan.”  Rory started.  
“Pick a card.”  Jess fanned the deck out for her to choose one. Rory grabbed them all and threw them on the ground.  “Huh, well, that just made the trick a little bit harder.”  
“Jess, focus!”  Rory begged.  They were never going to get through this.  “We just went over this. There’s no way you already forgot it.”  
“So where’d you learn to kiss like that?”  Jess asked her, her voice low.  “I bet it wasn’t Dean.”  
Rory glared daggers at her.  “I will make you write it out fifty times on the specials board if that’s what it takes.”  
“Come on, why don’t we go upstairs?  Luke’s at Nicole's…”  Jess moved closer to Rory and twined her fingers into Rory’s long hair. 

“We’re studying.”  Rory still refused to look at her, knowing she would lose all resolve.  
“You’re studying, I’m trying to kiss you.”  
“Jess, why won’t you at least try to remember the Marshall Plan?”  
“Have you ever read "Please Kill Me"?”  Jess countered.  
“No.”  Rory’s tone was short.  
“Oral history of the punk movement. You’d like it – you can borrow it if you want.”  
“I’m here to help you study. Now, if you want me to go, I’ll go, but if I’m going to stay, then you will stop distracting me and start paying attention, understand?”  
“I understand.”  Jess nodded seriously.  
“Good.”  Rory nodded back.  “And yes, I would like to borrow it, thank you very much. Now let’s try Othello.”

She asked Jess to write a paragraph and sat reading the book she’d brought as bait while Jess scribbled in her notebook.

“Done.”  Jess said proudly after only a short time had passed.  
Rory took the proffered notebook.  “This isn’t Shakespeare.”  She accused.  
“It’s not?”  Jess feigned surprise.  
“It’s the words to a Clash song.”  Rory grumbled.  
“Ah, now, but which Clash song?”  
“Hey, I’m not the one being tested right now!”  She protested.  
“Ten seconds.”  
“Jess.”  
“Nine, eight, seven.”  She counted down.  
“Stop it!”  
“Six, five, four.”  
“You know you’re really starting to-”  
“Three.  
“Ooh, ooh, Guns of Brixton!”  Rory exclaimed.  
“A-plus.”  Jess grinned at her.  
“Why did you even agree to this studying thing in the first place?”  Rory asked her.  
“Because Luke said I had to.”  
“You’ve never done anything because someone said you had to.”  
“I moved here because someone said I had to.”  
“Very different.”  
“Yeah, well. . .”  That darkness had crept back into her eyes again.  Rory hadn’t seen it in a while and she felt pity well up.  “Hey, do you wanna get outta here?”  Jess asked.  “I’m sick of studying.”  
“How can you be sick of studying? You haven’t done any studying. You’ve done card tricks, you’ve made coffee, you’ve tried to explain to me how on earth Coldplay could be considered an alternative band, but as of yet, no studying.”  
“That’s your car?”  Jess pointed out the window.  
“Yes, it is.”  
“Okay, tell you what. Let’s go get some ice cream, and then when we get back, I’ll study.”  
“This is a diner, there’s ice cream here.”  
“Yes, but we don’t have any cones.”  
“Cones?”  
“I need cones.”  Jess was looking at her with such a pleading expression Rory finally relented.  
“Well, so, if we go get ice cream-”  
“In cones.”  
“Then you will be a perfect student for the rest of the night?”  
“That’s right.”  
“I could not believe you less."  Rory sighed in defeat and packed up her books. "Here, you drive, I’ll read you Othello. Won’t that be fun?”  
“You have no idea how much.”  Jess grinned and bounced out the door.  
  


A little while later they were driving back toward the diner with ice-cream cones in hand.  
“Admit it, it’s always better in a cone.”  Jess said.

“It’s always better in a cone.”  Rory admitted, taking small bites.  
“Putting ice cream in a dish, eating it with a spoon?”  
“What is wrong with people?”  Rory smiled at Jess.  
“Hold the wheel.”  Jess told her.  
“What?”  
“I’m dripping here, hold the wheel.”  
“I can’t hold the wheel, you’re driving. The person who’s driving has to hold the wheel. That’s the first thing they teach you in driver’s ed.”  
“Huh, I gotta take that class one of those days. Take the wheel.”  
“Jess!”  
“I’m letting go.”  She took her hands off the steering wheel and Rory grabbed for it wildly.  
“Stop!”  She cried.  “Take it back. Okay, you are taking this wheel back and when you do, I’m going to kill you. I’m just letting you know that.”  
“I appreciate the warning.”  
“Jess!”  
“Okay, I got it."  She put her hand back on the wheel.  "Geez, you look pale. Are you okay?”  
“Death, and it’s going to be painful.”  Rory glared.  
“You’re not gonna kill me. Think how dull your life would be without me.”  
Rory was too mad to agree, but there was no denying that it was the truth.  
“Serious question?”  Rory asked after her anger had cooled.  
“Okay.”  Jess sounded wary.  
“You know you’re smarter than most everybody at your school. It takes you like five minutes to finish a book. You read everything, you remember everything, you could ace those classes easily. Why don’t you? You don’t need a tutor. It’s crazy that they’re talking about leaving you back.”  
“Whatever.”  Jess evaded.  
“You can do anything you want, be anything you want.”  
“Rory.”  Jess rolled her eyes.  “I don’t need a ‘be all you can be’ lecture.”  
“Is it like a cool thing?”  
“I couldn’t care less about being cool.”  
“Well then inform me, please.”  
“I’m never going to college, why waste the time in high school?”  
“And why aren’t you going to college?”  Rory was dumbfounded.  
“Please.”  Jess scoffed.  
“What? Please what – why is it so crazy?”  
“Ask my mother, she could give you a couple reasons. Oh, and I’m sure Principal Mertin can chime in with a few good ones. In fact, ask your mother. She doesn’t know me all that well but I’m sure she could improvise a few things.”  
“Do not give me that whole ‘I’m so misunderstood, Kurt Cobainy’ thing. You are way stronger than that and I don’t even wanna hear it. You have to go to college.”  
“No, _you_ have to go to college.”  
“But don’t you have any plans?”  
“Yes, I plan to get out of Stars Hollow.”  
  
Rory frowned.  “And go where?”  
“Wherever.”  
“And do what?”  
“Whatever.”  
“‘Wherever, whatever.’”  Rory mimicked her.  
“I’ll live where I live, I’ll work when I need money, and I’ll see where I end up.”  
“You could do more.”  
“Oh, here come the pompoms.”  Jess rolled her eyes again.  
“No, no pompoms, just me saying you could do more.”

“You know not everyone has to be stuck on that conveyor belt.”  Jess snapped.  “I’m following my own path.”  
“So you’re saying I’m stuck?  That I’m not following my own path?”  Rory was fuming.

“No, of course not.  I’m just saying that it’s not for everyone.”  Jess muttered.

They were silent for a while.  
“So, Courtney, what about you?”  Jess finally asked, pretending to hold a microphone to Rory’s lips.  
“What about me?”  Rory grumbled, not giving in to Jess’ silly antics.  
“What are your big ambitions?”  She asked in a more serious tone.  
“Harvard.”  Rory answered, surprised that she had never mentioned it to Jess before now.  
“And after Harvard?”  
“I’m gonna be a journalist.”  
“Paula Zahn?”  
“Christiane Amapour.”  
“You’re gonna be an overseas correspondent?”  Jess sounded skeptical.  
“Yes, I am.”  Rory said defiantly.  
“You’re gonna crawl around in trenches and stand on top of buildings and have bombs going off in the background and some wars raging all around you?”  
“What, you don’t think I can do it?”  
“No, I do. Just sounds a little too...”  Jess trailed off.

“A little what?”  Rory demanded.  
“Just sounds a little too rough for you.”  
“Well, it’s not a little too rough for me.”  She answered immediately.  Then she thought about it.  “I hope it’s not a little too rough for me, I’ve been talking about this forever. I mean, I don’t even know what I would do if – .”  She was feeling panicky now.  She had never stopped to consider what she would do if her plan didn’t work out.   
“Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll do it. You will, I promise. I’ll help you practice, okay? Tomorrow, you’ll stand in the middle of the street and I will drive straight at you screaming in a foreign language.”  
Rory smiled.  “Well, you’re gonna have to learn a foreign language first.”  
“Well, it’s lucky I’ve got me a tutor then, isn’t it?”  She smiled at her, and Rory felt her insides melt.  “Okay, so I guess we should be getting back. I did promise to study if you went on this ice cream run with me.”  
“Yes, you did.”

“Okay, so I just go straight and we’ll be back at Luke’s.”  
“Good sense of direction.”  Rory nodded.  
“Of course, I could turn right and then we’d just be driving around in circles for awhile.”  
Rory considered this.   _There’s not a lot of time left to get anything done_ , she rationalized.  And she wasn’t sure how much longer Jess would be willing to talk like this with her.  She realized this was the first time that they had really opened up to one another.  She wanted more.

“Turn right.”  She told her decisively.  
“As you wish.”  Jess grinned and turned the wheel.


	14. Night

 

“Are you comfortable?”  Jess asked Rory.  “Am I killing your arm?”  
“My arm is fine.”  Rory held her tighter as they lay in Jess’ bed.  
“I could move.”  Jess suggested.  
“Don't you dare.”  Rory whispered into her hair.  Jess snuggled into her with sigh.  
“This right here is the textbook definition of a perfect moment.”  
“Yeah, it is.”  Rory agreed.  
“And earlier?”  Jess asked.  
“That was pretty perfect too.”  Rory rolled onto her side and kissed Jess’ bare shoulder.  “And I'm happy, are you happy?”  
“I'm very happy.”  
“Happy, but not chatty?”  
“I'm just…still trying to make sure that all this is really happening.”  Jess propped herself up on her elbow to look down into Rory’s eyes.  
“Oh, it is.”  Rory assured her, and kissed her deeply for emphasis.  When she pulled away Jess was looking at her with eyes full of emotion.  Rory felt suddenly overwhelmed.  “Hey, you know what I think we need?”  She asked, sitting up suddenly.  
“What?”  Jess asked, tracing her fingers up and down Rory’s back.  
“A song. Like a song that's "our song".”  
“Not what I was thinking, but okay.”  Jess grinned at her.   
“Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this.”  
“Ah, believe me, I'm remembering this.”  
“Oh, I know.”  Rory grinned back.  She selected a CD from the nightstand and popped it into the stereo.  “Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this:”  She pressed play and started singing along, out of tune.  “‘Candy girl, you are my woooorld!”  
Jess laughed, falling backwards onto her pillow.  “That's not gonna be our song.”  
“Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word 'candy' in it. Hey, what is more hot than candy?”  
“Pick something else.”  Jess groaned, pulling the pillow over her face.  Rory just kept singing.  
“Okay, okay, okay, okay. _I'll_ pick something else.”  She emerged from under the pillow and grabbed for the remote.    
“No!”  Rory squealed, holding the remote high out of her reach.  
“Hand it over, I can't take it anymore.”  
“Too bad, I’ve got the remote, ha-ha!”

“Oh yeah?”  Jess tackled her around the middle and she toppled back down, giggling as Jess tickled her.  

The moment was interrupted by the ringing of the phone on Jess’ nightstand.  

“Um, it’s your house number.”  Jess told her after checking the caller ID.

“Oh no.  What time is it?”  Rory started scrambling around looking for her clothes.

“Relax, it’s only twelve thirty.”  Jess told her.

“Where’s my bag?  Where’s my bag?”  Rory was getting hysterical.

“I’ve got it right here.”  Jess handed it to her.

“I have to go.”  She told Jess as she hopped around on one leg putting her shoe back on.

“Rory, wait!”  Jess called, but Rory was already out the door and running down the stairs to her car.  

 

Lorelai pounced as soon as Rory walked in the door.

“Where have you been?”  She demanded.

“I’m sorry,”  Rory mumbled, looking down at her feet.  “We were studying and…”

“Oh don’t give me ‘studying’, you’re talking to the queen of staying out all night, I practically invented the concept.  You told me you would be home early, why didn’t you at least call?”

“Well we went driving around for a while and then…”

“And then?!”

“We just sort of went back to Jess’ room.”  Rory finished, still unable to look her mother in the eye.  

“You went to Jess’ room…”  Lorelai repeated, a look of shocked understanding on her face.  

“I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I - I know I promised I would, but-”

“This isn’t like you Rory.  You never forget to call, or miss curfew.  I knew this would happen and I tried to tell you that Jess-”

“So this is about Jess?!”  Rory cried.

“No, it's about the feeling of complete terror when your kid isn't in her bed in the middle of the night!”  
“I'm sorry.”  Rory said again.  
“And then it's about a whole different kind of terror when you find out that she spent the night with someone.”

“I know it was awful for you to find out this way but...but aren’t you glad it happened with someone who’s... right for me?”

“I know you think that Jess is great and wonderful, but she is a completely out of control, really angry kid who has no respect for Luke, who has no respect for me-”

“So no matter what I say you’re just gonna hate Jess forever.”

“Yeah pretty much.”  Lorelai snapped.

“Fine, I’m going to bed.”

“Fine!”

 

Rory stayed in her room as much as she could on Sunday.  On Monday she had to stay after school to cover the student body presidential election debate for the newspaper.  Paris was running of course.  She could hardly pay attention, her thoughts kept drifting back to the fight with her mom.  What was she going to do if Lorelai never accepted Jess?

“Hey.”  Paris approached her after the speeches.  
“You can read my review tomorrow with everyone else.”  Rory told her shortly.  
Paris ignored her.  “So, I have been wracking my brains for weeks trying to figure out exactly who should be my vice presidential candidate, you know? Who would be yin to my yang, Joel to my Ethan, Damon to my Affleck, and then suddenly, it hits me – the perfect person.”  
“Who?”  Rory indulged her.  
“You.”  
“What?”  She was paying attention now.  
“It’s genius. We could announce it in the Franklin tomorrow, Gellar and Gilmore. We even have the g-thing going. Never underestimate the power of alliteration, my friend.”  
“I don’t wanna be vice president.”  Rory complained.  
“Oh, come on. Every little girl wants to be vice president.”  
“Not this one.”  
“But you have to. It’s the only way. Please? I’m begging you.”  
“Paris.”  
“They hate me, okay?”  Paris was close to tears now.  Rory had never seen her this upset.  
“Who hates you?”  
“Everyone. Everyone in the whole school hates me. Oh, yeah, they think I’m the best for the job, but they don’t want to go to the mall with me so they won’t vote for me and that means I’m going to lose.”  
“Well, how is my running with you gonna change anything?”  
“Because people think you’re nice. You’re quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don’t fear you.”  
“Hey, I haven’t been dressed by a bird since I was two.”  
“You will soften my image.”  
“You’re crazy.”  
“Please?”    
“No, I don’t want to be in politics. I just want to write about politics.”  
“You wouldn’t have to do anything. I’ll do all the work and make the speeches. You just have to sit there and be nice.”  
“No.”  
“But –”  
“Bye Paris.”  Rory got up and started to leave the auditorium.

“Harvard loves this kind of crap!”  Paris called after her.  Rory stopped walking.  “Being vice president is just one more thing to put you ahead of the rest of the hundreds of thousands of straight–A students who are applying for the same spot you are. Think about it. You say no, then comes the day when the letter from Harvard arrives. They’ve turned you down. Enjoy Connecticut State, sucker. Tell me you won’t be thinking, what if I had just run with Paris? What if the one thing that could’ve ensured my place behind those ivy covered walls I just walked away from?”  
“Fine.”  Rory sighed and walked back to Paris with resignation.  
“Yes! Okay.”  
“I guess the thought of just being nice to people never occurred to you, huh?”  
“See, that is exactly what I need from you, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm for the new millennium. Hey, wear some braids tomorrow with bows. I mean, hell, let’s sell it, sister!”

 

When she finally made it back to Stars Hollow, Rory ran into Lane.  

“Hey, I thought we were meeting at Luke’s.”  Lane told her.  
“We were? Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I forgot.”  
“Let me guess. You and Lorelai haven’t made up yet?”  
“Nope. Things are still Miracle Worker at my house. God, how did everything get so screwed up?”  
“I think you staying out late with Jess had something to do with it.”  
“It sucks. Things were good. School was good, Jess was good, my mom even spoke to her occasionally.  Now my mother and I are barely speaking.”  
“How’s Jess taking it?”  Lane asked.  
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her since it happened.”

“That was two days ago!”

As they entered Luke’s diner, Rory looked shyly over at Jess.  She knew she should have called her but hadn’t known what to say.

“Hey.”  Jess greeted her.  
“Hey.”  
“I got a video for tonight.”    
“What’d you get?”  Rory asked, surprised.  She didn’t think Jess would’ve kept their plans after they way she took off.  
“Almost Famous.”  
“No, not again.”  Rory whined.  
“I can’t help it, I’m addicted.”  Jess smiled now.  
“Fine, but if I’m going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.”  
“Oh, come on.”  
“Hey, last time when we watched Ed Wood we got burgers like you wanted to.”  
“Okay, fine – tonight, Indian food, but tomorrow, Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.”  
“That’s so cute. You’re like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple.”  Lane interjected.  
“Thank you very much.”  Jess beamed.  
“Okay, I’ve gotta go. Bye Rory.”  Lane left and Rory stood there feeling awkward.  
“So, I haven’t heard from you in a while.”  Jess said after a moment.

“I know, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to run out on you like that I just...freaked.”  She stared at her shoes.

“How did it go with your mom?”

“I’ll let you know when we’re speaking again.”  Rory answered with dismay.

“Wow, geez, I’m sorry.  If I had known-”

“You would have taken me home early?”  Rory grinned.

“Okay no, but I am sorry.  I guess I just don’t understand what that’s like.”

“What?”

“Actually wanting to be on speaking terms with your mom.”

“You don’t miss your mom?”  Rory held her breath.  This was always a tricky subject with Jess.

“Hard to miss someone who’s never around.”  Jess answered bitterly.

“Seriously though.”  Rory stared into Jess’ eyes, willing her to answer truthfully.

“Of course I wish things were different, but wishing’s not gonna change anything.  These are the cards I was dealt.”

They were silent for a moment.  

“So...you want some help with your homework?”  Jess asked her.

“You’re going to help me?”  Rory tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.  
“Yup.”  Jess answered with a smug smile.  
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but how?”  
“Come upstairs and I’ll show you.”  Jess murmured in her ear.  
“Upstairs?”  Rory shivered as fire raced through her veins.  
“Yeah.”  Jess nibbled on her ear.  
“Well, you know how important my education is to me.”    
“Yes, I do.”  Jess took her by the hand and led her up the stairs.

 

When Rory got home Lorelai was on the couch.

“Hey,”  Rory greeted her warily.

“Hey, kid.”  Lorelai responded, turning and smiling at her.  Rory exhaled in relief.  It seemed like their cold war was finally over.

Rory sat down next to her.  “So.”

“So.”  Lorelai echoed.  “Look, I know I’ve been pretty rough on you about this whole Jess thing.  But I have to know where you are at all times.”  She looked Rory in the eye to make sure she understood.  “Especially when you have my shoes on.”  
Rory laughed but nodded.  “I know.”  
“I want you to know that there are only two things that I totally trust in this entire world. The fact that I will never be able to understand what Charo is saying no matter how long she lives in this country - and you.”  
“Hopefully not in that order.”  
“You just have to understand the major panic factor that went on there.”  
“I do, I really do and I’m so sorry. Nothing like that will ever happen again. I swear.”  
“Don’t swear.”

“Why not?”  
“Because you are your mother’s daughter.”  
“What does that mean.”  
“It means things can happen, even when you don’t really mean for them to happen.”  
Rory nodded again.

“And I want you to always be able to tell me things, even if you think I won’t agree.”  Lorelai continued.  “This whole trust thing only works if it goes both ways kid.”  She held her arms open wide and Rory hugged her tightly, feeling like everything in her life was finally clicking back into place.  

The phone rang and Rory got up to answer it.  “Hello?”  
“How’s this sound for a template? I have done my best. I have lost. Mr. Nixon has won. The democratic process has worked its will, so now let's get on with the urgent task of uniting this country.”  Paris recited.  
“What is that?”  
“Hubert Humphrey’s concession speech. Now, other than the part about Nixon, parts of it really seem to apply here.”  
“Paris.”  Rory chided her.  
“Hey, I’m not going to steal it. I’ll paraphrase and I’ll give him credit.”  
“Paris.”  
“Not that the person who actually wins will even know who Hubert Humphrey is, but hey, I bet they’ll organize one boffo senior ditch day.”  She was quiet for a moment.  “I’m going to lose.” She said sadly.  
“You don’t know that.”  Rory tried to sound reassuring.  
“Yes, I do. Because even if I win, I only won because of you. Therefore, either way I lose.”  
“Come on. Go get a cup of coffee, relax. You deserve this job, I swear. Put away the concession speech.”  
“Hubert Humphrey must not have been considered very fun either.”  
“I’ll see you at school.”  Rory said goodbye and hung up.  She didn’t know what else she could say.  She sat back down and told her mom about running for vice president.  “God, she wants to win so badly, and me, not so badly. I feel terrible.”  She finished.  
“Aw, come on. You know you wanna win so you can spend your whole summer in Washington far away from me.”  
“Please, don’t even talk about Washington. It gives me a stomachache.”  
“It might be wonderful.”  
“Good, then you and I will go someday.”  
“Aw, look at you, trying to make Mommy feel like you don’t spend every night tunneling out of here with a spoon.”

“I try.”  Rory grinned as her mom stood up and kissed her forehead before heading upstairs to bed.


	15. To Have and Have Not

The next morning was voting day at school.  Rory was just heading out the door when the phone rang.

“Where are you?”  Paris’ voice demanded.  
“I’m at home, where are you?”  
“In the auditorium. I wanted to be here for one last meet and greet, get them right before they walk in the booth.”  
“Leave that place right now.”  Rory warned her.  
“But – .”  
“People will think that you’re insane and generally people are scared of the insane, so... see where I’m going here?”

“But-”

“No campaigning within one hundred feet of the polling location!”

“Fine.”

“I’m on my way.”

 

Paris descended on her as soon as she got off the bus. 

“We’ve got the band!”  She cried.  
“What?”  
“We got the band! I knew we had most of the academic clubs tied up, but band – they were the wild card ‘cause believe me, if anybody’s going to be truly scared of me, it’s some artsy loser with a tuba wrapped around his neck.”  
“Um, wow, that’s great.”  Rory said mildly.  She was feeling nervous, she hadn’t thought they would actually win.  
“Don’t you realize what this means?  We did it, we’re in, welcome to the show!”  Paris hugged her unexpectedly and then hurried off to class.

As the day went on, Paris’ enthusiasm became infectious and Rory was actually starting to look forward to the summer in Washington. 

After school she met up with Jess at Luke’s, excited to share her good news.

“Hey you!”  Jess greeted her brightly.

“Hi!”  Rory kissed her.

“I have good news!”  Jess said, keeping her arms wrapped around Rory’s waist.

“Me too!”  Rory exclaimed.  “But you go first.”

“Okay.”  Jess took a step backwards and held out two closed fists in front of Rory.  “Pick a hand.”

Rory grinned.  “That one.”  She pointed to Jess’ left hand, which she then turned and opened.  “Earplugs?”  Rory was curious.  “What are these for?”

“For Friday night.”  Jess grinned.  “I got us tickets to the Distillers!”

“Oh my god!”  Rory kissed her again.

“So what’s your news?”  Jess asked, holding both of Rory’s hands in hers, eyes sparkling happily.

“Paris and I won the election!”  
“Wow. Uh, that’s great.”  Jess’ face fell.  
“Yeah, it is.”  
“So I guess this means you’ll be spending the summer in Washington, with Paris?”  Jess was fully scowling now.

“Is that a problem?”  Rory frowned.

“No, I love it when my girl goes out of town with another girl.”  

Rory felt a thrill run through her when Jess called her ‘my girl’, but that didn’t stop her from glaring.

“You don’t trust me?”

“Of course I do, it’s just that you and Paris…”

“What?  Me and Paris what?”

“I don’t know, there’s a vibe.”

“A vibe.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s no vibe.”

“Whatever you say.”

They were silent for a moment.

“Well are you ready?”  Jess finally broke the silence.

“Ready?  For what?”  

“Thai food and Saturday Night Fever.”  

“Oh, well…”

“Are you serious?”

“School’s almost over and I have a ton of studying for finals, plus the Franklin and now the vice presidency…”

“Wait a minute. I thought we were gonna spend some time together.”  
“We are.”  
“When?”  
“I don't know. Tomorrow maybe?”  
“We made plans for tonight.”  
“Yes but. . .”  Rory was confused.  Jess had never been a stickler about keeping plans.  
“And now you're blowing me off.”  
“I am not blowing you off.”  
“You’re gonna be gone all summer, I figured you'd want to spend some time with me now.”  
“Jess, this is about Harvard.”  
“Oh, well excuse me, it's about Harvard, I forgot. Okay, fine.”  Jess turned away from her, fuming.  
“You're mad? You're mad because I want to be sure that I get into a good college?”  
“Nope, I'm mad because my girlfriend doesn't seem to have time for me anymore.”

There it was.  That word, _girlfriend_.  Rory felt a surge of happiness, but she wasn’t about to back down.  “Jess, stop it. This is important.”  
“And it can't wait for one night?”

“No.”  
“Fine.”  
“Why are you acting like this?”  
“I'm not going to Harvard, I couldn’t care less about Harvard. I just wanted to hang with you.”

“Don’t you have to study for finals too?”

“No.”  Jess snapped.  “I don’t.”  And with that she stormed up the stairs.

Rory spent the afternoon studying at Luke’s, hoping Jess would come down so they could work things out.  But she never did.

 

The week passed without any calls from Jess.  Rory left messages apologizing for skipping out on their plans.  She hadn’t meant to make Jess feel like she wasn’t a priority.  Finally Friday arrived and Rory still had no idea if they were going to the concert together that night.  To her delight, the doorbell rang at exactly six o’clock.

“You’re here!”  She threw the door open and pulled Jess into a tight hug.  Jess hugged her back, but it wasn’t with her usual tenderness.  Rory’s delight dwindled.

“Ready to go?”  Jess asked blandly.

“Yeah.  Let’s go.”  Rory was actually wishing for sarcastic Jess.  Anything would be better than this.

There was already a crowd when they got to the venue.  Rory took Jess’ hand and started pushing her way through to the front.  Jess went along without protest.

“They're getting ready to go on!”  Rory grinned as she found them a good spot.  She hoped if she was exuberant she might pull Jess out of her funk.  “Hey Little Miss Sunshine, you're spreading so much joy around you're embarrassing yourself. You've got to get a little more moody.”  She joked.  
“I'll try.”  Jess replied, and Rory smiled at the hint of sarcasm.  That was a good sign.  The band came on and Jess came to life a little bit, moving and bobbing to the music.  Rory was feeling much more optimistic when intermission came.  
“Let's go wander around a little bit.”  She suggested hopefully.  
“Okay.”  Jess agreed. They left the stage area and wandered toward the concessions.  There was a drunk girl dancing in the middle of the walkway.  “Seems a little early for that.”  Jess remarked.  
“It never is.”  Rory grinned feeling her spirits lift.  
“Bathroom line.”  Jess pointed out.  It wound all the way back toward the entrance.  
“Figures.”  
“So, what now?”  Jess asked.  
“What do you mean, what now?”  
“Let's go, let's get out of here.”

“Go where?”  
“Anywhere.”  
“It's early.”  
“It's boring.”  
“Jess, we can't just go.”  
“Yes, we can.”  
“The band's playing a whole other set.”  
“They can do it without us.”  
“I don't wanna leave. Now, come on, try to have fun. Talk, mingle.”  
“I don't wanna talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else.”  
“Come on, Gloomy.”  Rory smoothed Jess’ hair with her hand and looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking.  “We'll go right when they get done playing, okay?”  

Jess’ eyes were dark and unreadable.

“Okay, Grandma?”  Rory tried again to lighten the mood.  
“Rory.”  Jess rolled her eyes.  
“We'll go then, I promise.”

 

“Man, that was such a great show!”  Rory gushed when the concert ended.

“Yeah, I guess.”  Jess replied.  They exited the venue and walked out into the warm night.

“Hey, sad girl, what's wrong? You were looking forward to this concert, what happened?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Something did. Come on, tell me.”  Rory stopped walking and faced Jess.  Not knowing what else to do she kissed her, trying to convey with her lips what her words were unable to get across. “You're not tired of me, are you?” She asked, searching Jess’ eyes for the truth.

In response, Jess kissed her back.  Rory could feel all of Jess’ need and desire in that kiss, and she pulled her close.  “That's a pretty good answer.”  She said when they broke apart, breathless.  Jess kissed her again more urgently, pressing her up against the wall.  She could feel Jess’ breath in her ear and her mouth on her neck, sending shocks of pleasure all through her.  Her breath came faster and she lost all sense of place and time.  
Then a car drove by, breaking the spell.  
“Jess, wait. . . Jess, wait. . . Jess.”  She moaned, forcing herself to pull away.  
“Jeez.”  Jess complained.  
“Not here, not now.”  
“Fine.”  Jess turned and started walking away.  
“What's wrong with you?”  
“Nothing's wrong with me.”  
“Jess.”  Rory could feel Jess slipping further away from her and panic started fluttering in her chest.  She ran to catch up and grabbed Jess’ hand.  
“Rory, stop, just stop!”  Jess flung her hand away.  
Rory felt tears welling in her eyes.  “I don't know what I did.”  She choked.   
“You didn't do anything, Rory.”   Jess kept walking away, leaving Rory standing on the sidewalk feeling desolate.  After a long moment she started walking.  She found a payphone and called her mom to pick her up.  
  


“I don't understand.”  Rory vented as they sat in the Jeep.  “One minute she's happy, then she's not. And she doesn't tell me anything ever. I mean, you're supposed to tell your girlfriend things. That's the whole point of having a girlfriend, isn't it?”  
“Yes, it is.”  Lorelai agreed.  
“I don't wanna feel like this, I don't wanna sit around wondering when we're going to talk, if she's mad, why she's mad. I hate this. I really, really -”  
“Okay, you need a breath here.”  Lorelai said as a car came up behind them with it’s blinker on, waiting for their parking spot.  She waved them on impatiently.  
“Something's going on with her and it's been going on for awhile.”  Rory said.  
“You can't make her talk, Rory. She has to want to.”  
“But why doesn't she want to?”  
“Because it's probably hard for her.”  The car behind them beeped its horn.  “Hey, we're not leaving. We're gonna live in this car and we're gonna die in this car, so find another frickin' spot!”  She shouted out the window, then turned back to Rory.  “Honey-”  
“I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm just. . .tired.”

 

A few days later she got on the bus for school and opened the book she was currently reading.  She couldn’t concentrate as thoughts of Jess kept invading her mind.  She hadn’t heard from her since the concert.  She stared out the window morosely.  Then at one of the stops she watched as people were exiting.  To her complete surprise, she saw Jess walk up the steps and onto the bus.  Her heart started hammering in her chest. Jess had a large duffel bag slung over one shoulder.  
“Hey.”  Jess said as she approached.  
“Hey.”  Rory answered, not knowing what to expect.  
“Can I sit?”  
“Uh, sure, sit.”

“I thought you took an earlier bus.”  
“My first class got canceled today.”  
“Oh. So what's been going on?”  
“Nothing much. Finals are this week.”  
“I figured.”  
“Don’t you have finals, like, right now?”  
“No.”  Jess answered, looking away.  “I’m not graduating.”  
“Oh.”  Rory had no idea what to say.  They sat in silence until the bus arrived in Hartford.  
“This is my stop.”  Rory stood and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulder.  
“Okay.”  Jess stood to let her pass.  Rory brushed against her on her way out, and her heart ached to reach out and grab her, to hold fast and never let go.  But she felt a barrier between them that she couldn’t cross.  
“So, you'll call me?”  She asked softly.  
“Yeah, I'll call you.”  Jess answered with a small smile.  Her eyes were sad and her voice heavy with unspoken words.


	16. On The Road

“So, Souplantation. . .”  Lorelai started as they were driving home from dinner that night.

“Hang on, I'm almost at the end of this chapter.”  Rory finished reading and then looked up from her text book.  “Okay, let the raving begin.”

“A room full of all you can eat food!”  Lorelai crowed.  “Soup, salad, pizza, pasta, chicken wings, ice cream, rainbow sprinkles. How did I not know about the rainbow sprinkles?”

“I have no good answers for you.”

“We are going back with Tupperware.”

“It's turning yellow.”  Rory warned as they approached the one and only traffic light in Stars Hollow.

“Ah, shoot.”

“Come on, gun it!”

“I can't.”

“Mom, we have to get home, I have a ton of studying to do.  It’s bad enough that you dragged me out for dinner.”

“Rory, I already have two tickets. I cannot get another.”

“Oh, I can't believe you stopped.”

“I can't believe you wanted me to go.”

“There's no one around.”

“Now no one's around, but the second I run that light, a police car, four helicopters, the Canadian mounties and the crew of Cops jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast.”

“Paranoid.”

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, my friend.”

“Alright, I guess we wait.”  Rory sat back against her seat and looked out the window.  She saw Luke sweeping the sidewalk in front of the diner and waved.  He didn’t see her.  “Do you think Luke will know we went to Souplantation?”  She wondered.

“Not unless you tell him.”

“But maybe he'll be able to tell. They'll be a glow.”

“An all-you-can-eat glow.”

“He'll see the glow, he'll know we cheated, and he'll never give us extra fries again.”  

Luke finally looked up and saw Rory waving at him.  He turned and dashed back into the diner.

“Um, Mom, why did just bolt away from us?”

“Maybe he saw the glow?”  Lorelai suggested unconvincingly.

“Mom.”

“Okay, first of all, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just thought with all the stuff you were doing, maybe I should wait.”

“What's going on?”

“Jess is gone.”

Rory fought to contain the pain that lanced through her heart.  She had known Jess was distancing herself, had seen her get on the bus this morning, but hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself.  Hearing it out loud made it too real.  “Gone where?”  She choked, tears stinging her eyes.

“I don't know. Luke knows, but he didn't tell me. But he doesn't seem to think she's coming back.”

“Neither do I.”  Rory had tears rolling down her cheeks and she wiped them away angrily.

“Are you okay?”  Lorelai asked after a moment.

“Yeah.”  Rory nodded and forced herself to smile at her mom.

“Ugh, forget this.”  Lorelai sped forward through the light that was still red and drove them home.

 

“Hello?”  Rory answered the phone the next morning.  There was no answer and she hung up.  She received three more calls that afternoon, all from different numbers, all with the same area code 917.  New York.  It had to be Jess.  

Her emotions veered wildly from anger at Jess for leaving and for not having the guts to say anything when she called, to joy at the fact that she was still calling.  The roller coaster was starting to make Rory nauseated and finally she unplugged the phone so she could study.

The following day she was walking with Paris to class, still haunted by Jess’ silent phone calls.  She had barely studied for the lit final she had today, but couldn’t seem to bring herself to care.

“So I told her, "Look missy--"” Paris was saying.

“You called your advisor "Missy"?”  Rory interjected, only halfway paying attention.

“It was attitudinal.”  Paris explained before continuing her tirade.  “I said I'm not taking AP calculus from Henemen. I'm going with Branch. Branch is a graduate of MIT and Henemen went to Berkley. Berkley! I mean, he may have majored in math but what did he minor in? Bean sprouts? Forget it. And I'm telling my advisor all this, Mrs. Schlosser, and I looked down in her trash can and there’s this half-eaten banana in there. Nothing else. And I pictured her sitting in the shoebox of an office eating a banana all by herself and I almost felt sorry for her, but then she questioned my judgment about Berkley so I eviscerated her. I mean, she was welling up at the end, but she had the decency to hold it in until I was gone.  My locker’s this way.”  

Paris turned down the hallway and Rory stopped walking.  She stood there watching her fellow students rushing to class and suddenly felt claustrophobic.  She turned and ran out the front doors without looking back.  She got on the bus she usually took, but instead of getting off in Stars Hollow she stayed on.  The bus’s final destination was New York City.  

* * *

Two hours later Rory stepped off into Greenwich Village.  There were people everywhere, walking quickly every which way.  She tried asking for directions to Washington Square Park but no one would stop and talk to her.  Finally she bought a map from the bus station.  She hoped Jess would be there.  It was the only place she had ever mentioned.

When she got to the park she wandered around aimlessly, looking for the girl who had turned her life upside down.  The long bus ride had given her plenty of time to figure out exactly what she was going to say when she found her.  She had worked herself up into a fine fury.  Then finally she spotted her.  Jess sat on a bench reading, her unmistakable wavy hair pulled back to reveal the nape of her neck.  Rory walked up behind her with determination.

“Hi.”  She said loudly.

Jess sat bolt upright, then turned slowly around to look at her.  When she saw Rory her face lit up with such an ecstatic smile that all of Rory’s anger melted away.  “How ya doing?”  She asked with barely-contained joy.

“Good, how about you?”  Rory couldn’t help but smile back.  Her heart felt like it wanted to leap out of her chest.

“Good.”  Jess answered.  They regarded each other for a moment.  “You hungry?”

“Starved.”  Rory used the same inflection Jess had used during their first movie night.  That night had been full of firsts.

Jess raised one eyebrow and her lips quirked.  “I know a place.”  She said, and led the way.

They walked a ways down the sidewalk, and Rory couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of Jess.  She wanted to reach out and take her hand, but the memory of that moment on the bus was still too fresh.  Even so, she felt giddy and buoyant walking next to her.

“How well do you know Manhattan?”  Jess asked her.

“I've been here a few times. We saw The Bangles here.”

“When was that, twenty years ago?”  Jess joked.

“It was a reunion and they were great.”

“Yeah, they're okay.”

“And a couple years ago Mom drove us in to shop, and she couldn't find a good parking place and all of the parking lots were a total rip-off, so she kept making U-turns and cutting off taxis and we were being screamed at in so many different languages that we just turned around and drove home and bought a Hummel at the curio store in Stars Hollow.”  Rory knew she was babbling but she just couldn’t contain herself.   

Jess didn’t seem to mind.  “How very adventurous.”

“I'm just saying I'm no stranger to the Big Apple.”

“You are if you're calling it the Big Apple.”

“So I don't have the lingo down yet, but at least I have the attitude.”

“You do, huh?”  There was that familiar smirk.

“Oh yeah. When I was getting a locker for my backpack at the bus stop, there was this guy and he was just standing there staring at me and instead of ignoring him I just fixed him with a really withering stare.”

“That I've got to see.”

“No.”

“Oh, come on, let me see your withering stare.”

“It's dangerous. I could hurt you.”

“I've been hurt before.”  Jess’ words, a little too close to reality, brought the mood down some.

“No.”  Rory said again, and Jess let it go.

“So here's our lunch place.”  Jess said as they approached a little cart.

“A hot dog stand?”

“Hey, I eat here everyday. It's nothing fancy, but -”

“No, I love it. It's perfect.”

“Good. One with everything on it.”  Jess ordered.

“Make that two, please.”  Rory added, and Jess paid for the food with a couple crumpled-up ones.

“Thank you.”  Rory said, taking a bite.  “Oh, my God, this is really good!”

“I’m glad you like it.”  Jess grinned at her and her heart soared.  “So how much time you got?”

“I’ve got a bit.”

“There's a record store you should check out. It's run by this insane freak who's like a walking encyclopedia for every punk and garage-band record ever made. Catalog numbers, everything.  It’s crazy. The place is right out of High Fidelity.”

“Let's go.”

“Okay.”  Jess turned and started walking down a wide flight of stairs.

“Where are you going?”  Rory asked, suddenly nervous.

“Subway.”  Jess pointed to the sign above her head.

“I thought we were gonna walk.”

“It's fifteen blocks! Come on, I think you'll like it.”

“Do they allow hot dogs in the subway?”

“You are  _ such _ an out-of-towner!”  Jess teased her.

After a short subway ride, which Rory actually did enjoy, they arrived at the record store and started browsing.

“I haven't even heard of half these bands.”  Rory commented as she rifled through rows of records.

“I love that about this place.”  Jess grinned at her from across the table.

“God, Lane would wanna live here!”

“Who's Slim?”  Jess asked, pulling a record out of its spot to examine more closely.

“I don't know.”  Rory shrugged.

“Grunge band out of Kentucky. Two albums, plus a double-A side single, disbanded in '94.”  The store owner called from behind the counter.

“Thanks.”

“Oh my God!”  Rory exclaimed.

“What?”  Jess walked over to her side.

“Look!”  Rory showed her the record she was holding.

“Go-go's? You  _ must have _ that one.”  Jess drawled sarcastically.

“No, for my mom. This was her favorite group when she was my age, and it's signed by Belinda. This would be the perfect gift.”

“Go on, get it. She'll like it.”

“Thank you so much for bringing me here. This was fate.”

“Yes, it was.”  Jess nodded, a small smile playing on her lips.

“And in return, I just might show you my withering stare.”

“I'm a lucky girl.”

After a day spent exploring the city with Jess, Rory felt exuberant and alive.  She couldn’t stop smiling.   _ This is what life is supposed to feel like _ , she thought.  But as the sun crept lower she felt the time looming like a dark cloud.  She needed to go home soon.

“So…”  She started as they walked along eating ice cream out of cones.

“So…”  Jess echoed.

Rory took a breath.  It was now or never.  “Are you ever coming back?  To Stars Hollow?”

Jess scoffed and Rory frowned.

“No.”  She said.  “There’s nothing for me there.”

“Nothing?”  Rory’s heart sank.  “Nothing at all?”

“Look, my mom sent me there as a last-ditch effort to salvage my education.  It didn’t work.  I’m on my own now and it’s better this way.  And you can come with me.”

“What?”  Rory shook her head, confused.

Jess stopped walking.  She put both of her hands on Rory’s shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.  “Come with me.”  She pleaded.

“Where?”

“I don't know...away!”  Jess flung her arms wide and spun around.

“Are you crazy?”

“Probably. Do it. Come with me. Don't think about it.”

“I can't do that.”

“You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want.”

“It's not what I want.”  Rory said, but part of her did want it.  She wanted it more than she was prepared to admit.

“It is. I know you.”

“You don't know me!”  Rory spat, trying to cover her moment of indecision.

“Look, we can live here in New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too.”

“No!”

“I want to be with you, but not in Stars Hollow. We have to start new.  Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

Rory felt her anger return in an instant.  How could Jess expect her to just drop everything, leave her entire life behind?  

“Maybe that’s true, but you didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, but you didn't. And you ended up leaving instead.”

Jess looked down.  “I’m sorry.”  She said softly.  “I just felt like I was holding you back.  I saw you on this track, you know?  Washington, college, career.  And that’s just not me.  I thought it would be easier if I just took myself out of the equation.  But then when you showed up here today…”  She bit her lip, unsure how to continue.

Rory wanted nothing more than to take Jess into her arms and say yes.  But it was clear to her now that the path Jess was on was one she could never follow.  She closed her eyes and steeled her heart.  “I think…”  She started, forcing the words out.  “I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let you go.”  Jess reeled back like she had been slapped.  “So, this is it, I guess.”  Rory's voice cracked as the weight of her words fell on both of them.

Jess was shaking her head.  “No, no, no, no, no!  You can’t mean that.”

“I do.”  Rory confirmed.

“Don't say "no" just because you’re scared or too stubborn to change your life plan. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me.”

Rory took a deep breath.  She was going to have to lie now, and it would have to be the most convincing lie she had ever told.  She took in every detail of the girl standing in front of her, trying to commit all of her to memory.  Then she looked down into Jess’ warm brown eyes, now full of uncertainty, and said the word clearly.  “No.”

Jess shrank back from her, and her eyes became dark.  The wall was back up between them, and Rory knew it would have to stay there forever.  

Jess walked her to the bus station in silence.  Rory felt every step like her shoes were full of lead.  But she climbed up into the bus anyway.  

As she took a seat next to the window, she could see Jess standing right outside speaking to her.  She opened the window.

“What?”

“I said, why did you come here?”  Jess’ face was as inscrutable as the day they first met.

“Well -”

“I mean, you ditched school and everything. That's so not you. Why'd you do it?”

“Because you didn't say goodbye.”

“Oh.”  Jess was silent for a while, then she spoke one last time.  “Goodbye, Rory.”

“Goodbye, Jess.”  Rory answered, and then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of The Awakening Part 1
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed :-)


End file.
